filed in Happy Ever After, Strategy Session
Husband Benefits Pie Chart
FINDING THE PERKS ELSEWHERE
I waited (and waited) for that husband who never arrived. Finally I got tired of doing without the benefits I’d been told only husbands could bring and made a list of what I was missing. My married girlfriends say I’ve imagined a dream spouse who exists only in old movies. I say it’s a good place to start. Once I identified what I wanted–sublime to ridiculous–I began to figure out where else these needs could be met.
COMPANIONSHIP
The day-to-day
Family and work events
Weddings
Vacations
Holidays
Birthdays
Meal time
Movies and Entertainment
PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Sex
Affection
Foot massage (do husbands actually do that?)
FITTING IN
With peers and colleagues
With family
In society
CHILDREN
Carrying on the genes
Bragging rights
Grandchildren
Extended family
Old age care
HEAVY LIFTING
Moving furniture
Opening jars with tight lids
Breaking up cardboard boxes for recycling
Lifting luggage into the plane’s overhead bin
JEWELRY
Surprise gifts
Fastening clasps I can’t reach
FINANCES
Home ownership
Sharing costs
Retirement
YOUR PIE CHART (Percentages may vary)
What would the perfect husband bring to your life?
1) Make a list. Be thorough. Have fun.
2) Put the list into categories
3) Assign percentages
4) Slice the pie
5) Where else can you get what you’re looking for? Invite a friend over and brainstorm.
Discussion
6 comments for “Husband Benefits Pie Chart”
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[...] Or Finding the Perks Elsewhere (see also Husband Benefits Pie Chart) [...]
Ahhh. I have often made lists like this but never a pie chart. And as time has gone on I HAVE found other ways/places to fill these needs. Or at least most of them. Or I have come to realize that having even the best partner doesn’t mean that he will satisfy all of these areas. For example, he might not be home when I am needing someone to help me clasp a necklace or bracelet or I might hate attending his family/work events so much that I decline to ask him to mine because of payback!
And as far as finances go, I am glad to know that I can dig myself into a financial hole and claw my way back out all on my own. I know many women who stay married because they don’t think they can make their way financially on their own.
But sex, intimacy and companionship. Those are the big three that I always wrestle with. I can have sex with my vibrator and I can find companionship with my friends and family and my dog. But physical and emotional intimacy (not the orgasm part but all the rest) just can’t be found anywhere else. But that is OK. I sit in the sun a lot and buy really cosy sheets.
Anyways, I love your pie chart! It makes it all so clear and simple!
It’s difficult to find a replacement for physical intimacy. There’s nothing quite like it. I take ballet class, which keeps me fit and in my body, and is a great outlet for nonverbal expression.
And I’m all for cozy sheets!!!
[...] must.) But here’s the rub: Having deconstructed the realms where I yearn for a spouse (see Husband Benefits Pie Chart) and then, with a good faith effort, tried to find adequate replacements, the one area for which I [...]
[...] months ago, I introduced a Husband Benefits Pie Chart, a 2-step system I devised while waiting around for the perfect man to show up. The first step is [...]
I love this chart! Thank you!
It helps me to see my choices and options/perceived losses and gains all in an organized place and strategy – like this.
It reminds me everything comes with its own baggage. Loneliness and partnership – and worst (I’ve had) lonliness in partnership. Happy Thanksgiving, Wendy. I am grateful for you.