(I’m trying to get to 100. PLEASE CHIME IN!)
He’s too young
He’s too old
He’s too bulky
He doesn’t have enough hair
He has a ponytail
He doesn’t care about music
He doesn’t have finesse
His car doesn’t have air conditioning
His apartment is filthy
He doesn’t make enough money
He’s too close with his mother
He’s too close with his ex-wife
He’s not in touch with his family
He doesn’t like to talk
He doesn’t read books
He’s too sedentary
He doesn’t know how to relax
He doesn’t like going to the movies
He isn’t smart enough
He never buys me gifts
He doesn’t have a sense of humor
He’s not cultured
He doesn’t like the city
He hates hot weather
His shoes are a disaster
His clothes are from the eighties (and I don’t mean that in a good way)
He has a moustache
He’s obsessed with sports
He flirts with other women
He doesn’t look at me when we’re talking
He makes love too fast
He snores
He’s not well groomed
He won’t look up from his blackberry
He doesn’t believe in technology
He doesn’t tell me I look good
He’s always late
He drives too fast
He drives too slowly
He hates to fly on an airplane
He has a dog that sheds all over my clothes
He’s too hairy
He has a handgun
He leaves his towel on the floor of my bathroom
He only talks about himself
He has no friends
He’s moody
He forgets my birthday
He doesn’t own a house
He’s cheap
He doesn’t admit when he’s wrong
He doesn’t appreciate good food
He watches too much TV
He’s not big on foreplay
He doesn’t hold my hand
He doesn’t pay his bills on time
He drives through red lights
He’s not social
He’s not nice to my mother
He doesn’t call me enough
He doesn’t say, “I love you”
He doesn’t like going out to eat
He mostly wears sweats
He’s possessive
He doesn’t change the kitty litter often enough (but it’s sweet that he has a cat)
He doesn’t own wine glasses
He doesn’t drink alcohol
He drinks too much
He’s not gracious
He’s a Republican
He’s a conspiracy theorist
He’s not informed
He doesn’t know how to kiss
He uses the word, “fuck” too much
He’s not reliable
He smokes too much pot
He’s too short
He has no sense of irony
He’s a snob
He doesn’t celebrate the holidays
He’s not nice to his children
He has heart disease
He smokes
He doesn’t own a TV
His house is always cold
He doesn’t know his way around
He doesn’t understand the importance of ritual
He’s surly with waiters
He doesn’t initiate enough
He’s kosher
He doesn’t believe in parity
He’s scared a lot of the time
He’s not interested in fresh air
He’s always complaining
He does own a TV.
38 of them describe my husband. I think you’re onto something.
[…] First Person Singular placed an interesting blog post on 94 Reasons the Man Iâ […]
I’ll make sure to bookmark this list and refer to it if I ever get into a relationship again!
I’d add:
He works out too much.
He wants sex all the time.
He’s critical of everything I do.
He expects me to love his hobbies.
He’s always right.
I really like this blog site, and I even blithely added to the list when it was published. But I was cycling with a man today, and mentioned the list to him, and he said, The only reason he’d need for a woman he’s dating not to be right for him would be that she makes lists like this.
I think the list was started in fun, but I’m rethinking how much fun it is. I think my friend is right, that a real difference between men and women is lists like this.
Reminds me of the joke about how women keep refining their lists of necessary traits, while men just want somebody who likes beer and sex.
In my dating experience, women AND men make lists. (And how lucky to find someone who doesn’t.) The challenge is to leave your list at the door. “94 Reasons…” makes fun of the writer, because it eliminates any mortal man (no hair, too much hair, too big, too small). And the last item, “he’s always complaining” is the ultimate projection.
We went out for a second date and he ate sushi with a fork!
He talks too much.
He doesn’t listen.
He dwells on fancy cars he used to own, big money he used to have.
[from the gay perspective]
He describes himself as ‘straight-acting’
He’s married
He got “a kick” out of Sarah Palin
He doesn’t know who the Secretary of State is
He has Celine Dion in his collection
Matty,
Check out this video of James Franco, and you might change your mind about Celine Dion:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v52RJsaoOjk
If James Franco bought me a Celine Dion CD, I’d listen to it.
some additions:
He talks loudly in the theater
He swears in front of the waitress
He doesn’t close the door when he uses your bathroom (we’re talking second date here)
He doesn’t pull up the toilet rim.
Splatter… splatter… splatter…
http://www.dondateadog.com/
A few to add:
He wears his bluetooth headset when he’s not on the phone.
He cares more about his looks than I do.
He’s guileless.
Let me know if you need more; I could keep going.
Ok, one more.
He talks loudly because he wants the table next to us to know how clever he is.
How about – He doesn’t tip enough
how about:
he always has another “important” home remodeling project.
he spends more money on clothes for hobbies than clothes for work.
he owns more pairs of skis than he owns pairs of shoes.
he likes dogs, but not yours.
his hobbies are always more “serious” and “important” than the things you want to do.
if you want to go home early (say: 11 pm) you’re not “supportive” of his friends. (none of who have jobs)
… there are probably more.
He’s an honest-to-goodness sociopath.
He never touches me.
Hmm…how about :
He only says “excuse me” for his bad manners to other people.
Spends too much time on the computer
When you mention how pretty a friend is, he says “God yes, she’s f’in GORGEOUS!”
Wearing a shirt without holes is considered dressing up.
Refuses to go out with you and your friends because he would rather stay home, but than complain if you go out without him.
How about:
He gets threatened and bitter when I talk about cultural stuff (books/films/music) he’s not familiar with.
He interrupts you then when you call him on it says “oh I thought you were finished”
His idea of foreplay is saying “I’m horny”
His friends are all losers
He hasn’t had a full time job in six years
He cleans his teeth in your car and spits out the remains
He’s sarcastic – all the time
He’s grumpy
He’s a pessimist
He’s a misogynist
He can’t go anywhere without a beer in his hand
He doesn’t take care of himself (dentist, brush teeth, etc.)
He doesn’t take care of anything (get oil changed in car etc.)
His car is filthy
He’s defensive
He doesn’t want to do what you like to do, but pouts if you don’t do what he likes
I could go on . . .
He doesn’t respect my kids
He is sarcastic about my religion (while pretending to be tolerant of “all forms of spirituality”)
He is needy
He has a weird/nonexistent relationship with his kid(s)
He eats/drinks less than me and always comments on it
He avoids my family
He is unable to be “unhooked” to his iPod, iPhone, computer
He reads parts of whatever article/book he is reading out loud to me, even if I am reading or talking to someone
He feels insecure about your accomplishments.
He is too sensitive.
He doesn’t love you as much as you love him.
He doesn’t support your dreams/career/ideas.
He insists you both behave like a married couple in front of his married friends and like a casual couple in front of his single friends.
He thinks it is okay (and even cool) to substitute “z” for “s.”
“He has enough good qualities that I have to make up a list to justify to myself that I should leave someone I think is a loser – but upon reflection that just makes me a loser-lover.”
“That he makes me realize that until I choose to be an adult and not seek validation from a man I will always find fault with any man I am with.
[…] first is called “94 Reasons the Man I am Dating isn’t Right for Me“, while the second is a companion list of “94 Reasons Why the Man I Haven’t Met […]
Obviously you are so picky you’ll never be satisfied. Your genes are going to be selected against and whatever genes make a person so picky will fade out of the human race.
[…] by LILGRL Heh. I was over at Novaseeker’s new wordpress blog, where I was directed to First Person Singular, to a post which basically lists reasons a guy (any guy) might not be the right guy for the author. […]
He doesn’t use proper grammar. His words, “I seen this movie last week…” Another one bites the dust. =/
He gave me 2 half-eaten cupcakes for my 30th birthday (we’re no longer together by the way)
He’s constantly working on his fucking lists instead of taking a chance on life ewith me.
pjay, men don’t waste time working on fucking lists, but if you want him to take a chance with you, take note of an example of a man’s list if he could be bothered to write a list of (fuck knows why I am) why the woman he is dating isn’t right for him:
She doesnt blow him.
She doesn’t cook for him
She doesn’t leave him alone to go out with his buds.
She….she…she’s as useful as tits on a bull…NEXT!
How about:
He hasn’t paid taxes in five years;
He doesn’t like my pets, but he has mice in his kitchen;
He has unopened bills from two years ago on his desk;
I got food poisoning from the leftovers in his fridge…I could go on…
He lives with his parents
He’s an alcoholic
He’s a racist
He doesn’t wear deoderant
He makes terrible “jokes” to waitstaff about not leaving a tip
He drives a purple Geo Metro
He doesn’t understand why I was upset at a Holocaust film because “It’s just a movie.”
He smokes with the windows closed
He asks “What songs do The Beatles do?”
He wears sandals in the snow
He asks if I ate fries yesterday too
He can’t get it up
He goes out with his friends on Valentine’s Day
He uses the same drinking glass for weeks and doesn’t wash it
He’s a morning person
He’s never ready on time unless it involves his friends or family
He can’t afford to buy me a birthday present, but he just bought an Xbox
He won’t be my date to weddings
He throws up in my sink even though the toilet is 6 inches away
He sleeps with his back to me
He owns a guitar but doesn’t know how to play it
He won’t go down on me
He scarfs down food like an animal and gets upset that I take at least 30 minutes to finish mine
He rings my doorbell from 2am-6am on New Year’s Day
There are so many more, but I’d be here all day!
I’m hoping these are all exes… what incentive do these people have to change if you just put up with it? Do they have ANY good qualities?
In my case Franco, these are all exes. And I don’t put up with it, therefore I am single.
He’s too close with his ex-wife !!!
He expects you to pay for everything
He doesn’t speak to his mother and won’t explain why
He is always picking something on his arms
He boasts about being a slacker
He will only vacation to the same place every year
He is only affectionate when he’s drunk
He eats so fast and then burps all night
He doesn’t ‘get’ movies that are not obvious
He does stupid things in the gym and then wonders why he can’t move his back
He hates dogs
He uses a plastic grocery bag for garbage that sits on the floor
He never introduces you to people you meet up with unexpectedly
He owns a small dog who wears a “manly” argyle sweater.
How about these—
He doesn’t know how to talk to you when you’re upset (as in, sits there silently to “analyze” the situation)
He sucks up all your happiness and energy and then wonders why you are tired all the time.
He is a total mama’s boy who always thinks that everything is going to be fine.
Gives a bullshit excuse for why a title isn’t important because he always ends up in long term relationships regardless of a title, even though he fucks with your head and tells you that he one minute can’t be your boyfriend, then suddenly doesn’t want to be sexual anymore.
Has waaaay too many insecurities.
Is not on the same life path.
Ya know, what is with this? For all the bad things, we still want them in our lives. It’s so childish on our part. There are really good men out there, but the assholes who seem like weaken little boys make us want to go back and tell them everything is okay, WHEN IT CLEARLY IS NOT. I feel chained to this person. It’s a load of crap.
He doesn’t go down on me
He doesn’t introduce me to anyone while we’re out, and when I introduce myself he uses the excuse that he’s rude.
He doesn’t pay child support
He’s an alcoholic
He smokes to much pot
He can’t get it up
He grabs other girls asses
Doesn’t buy me gifts (when I do ALL THE TIME)
He’s physically abusive when he drinks
He’s a bartender
He over tips to look like a big shot
He turns off my alarms so I over sleep
He disrespects me in public
He didn’t do laundry for 2 months when we started dating until I did it.
He didn’t own a fridge or a microwave
He sucks! That’s why he’s gone!
I’m sympathetic to many items in your list. But being in a relationship is a blending of people and staying in a relationship is roughing off the edges of that other person. If you perfect yourself, it is hard to meet an exact match of someone else. And even if you do line up all the traits, then where is the emotion or the romance of getting together? I really didn’t have any problem with your list till you got to “He’s a Republican.” Well, I usually vote Republican for various reasons but I don’t equate that with not being able to accept someone of a different political viewpoint. If Mary Matalin and James Carville can do it then so can others! You just don’t talk about politics! All republicans are not fanatics nor are they evil. They can make good husbands and caring lovers too. You would not be sleeping with the enemy. It would just be like being with someone that you have some different views on life – but you can share so much else. I’m sure there will be those out there that disagree with me and say I cannot do it! To those, I will respond with my favorite platitude, “…a liberal man is an oxymoron!”..
I really appreciate your taking the time to comment, and do so with such thoughtfulness. Since I wrote that post, I’ve become friends with a hard right conservative. She is a good person and I adore her, and we just make sure never to talk about politics. So anything is possible.
He doesn’t know how to have fun
My list had only one requirement. I had to be sexually attracted to her. After that, it was looking at the “totality of her” rather than judging each individual characteristic.
I totally agree. Making up lists like this is what you do when there’s no chemistry.
He’s never wrong. In everything he has more experience or knowledge than you.
> a real difference between men and women is lists like this.
We *all* have lists like this, both male and female. Not everyone writes them down, or will spell them out at one time, though.
But just start asking Mr. No Requirements how he’d feel if the woman he was with did X or Y, and I can guarantee he’ll have thoughts on the subject as to what he’d accept and what he wouldn’t.
IMX, the important thing about the lists is to differentiate between the “must haves”, the nice-to-haves, and the deal-breakers – and to be sure that the first and last parts are truly inherent parts of the person, and really boil things down to their essence.
Chemistry is a wily thing.
Yep, chemistry can cover a lot of ground. No chemistry, no need for a list. Not sure on this republican thing though- that’s still kind of a deal breaker to me simply because when you get right down to the brass tacks it’s a selfish philosophy, reductive not inclusive, ultimately inhumane and tough to defend without getting to ” the bible/ constitution” says it’s so.
Try the other list – the perfect partner & focus on that. I’m sure it’ll be shorter … and it works. I read the ‘Post’ article, is how I came here, via Bolick’s piece, via Morning Joe. Seriously, do the other list & see which list you’re more comfortable with.
How about these…
He regularly gorges himself until he is “too full to have sex.”
He doesn’t understand the concept of a courtesy flush and leaves what my friend and I dubbed “toilet chili” for the next user. (This was a daily occurrence)
He smacks when he eats and then gets offended and denies said smacking when he’s asked to stop.
Wendy,
The boys from 188 still love you. I shared the Washington Post article with a few guys from the “hood”. Hey, you still got it.
Stay well…Best wishes…David
Flash from the past. Thanks!!