I emotionally prepared for this weeks prior to Christmas by getting depressed and sharing my heartache with other (mostly single) friends. Some have never been married, some are divorced and a couple are recent widowers. Not all of them were willing to comfort me, but I discovered that a lot of people I knew were facing similar Christmases. Some of them had had to make these kinds of adjustments years before, when they were still in their tender youths.

I went out and bought nicotine patches. I used to smoke and the nicotine kicked right in like an old friend. I told my therapist, I’m not taking these off until after the holidays.

Finally, I made the crossing. I accepted the changes that were happening in my family. What a relief! I woke this morning alone in my apartment with my dog. (The dog helped greatly, as he has since I got him.) I drank coffee alone and enjoyed a leisurely morning. Then I loaded all the gifts in the car and the two apples pies I’d made and the dog. It was one of my best Christmases ever. I had made complete peace with my aloneness and I felt like a rock star.