Now that I’m back on Match after a long break, I’m feeling rusty and protective, as I try to get up the nerve to meet someone for coffee. When did I become such a wimp?
It’s called ODPTSD – Online Dating Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I wish you all the best in your Match adventure. I just can’t do it anymore.
I’ve experienced ODPTSD. And believe me, I am not a glutton for punishment. I’d just like a date, and it seems like a way to increase my chances. So far, not so good.
It takes courage. It takes bravery. It requires hope, a hope that exists in tandem with skepticism. Be an anthropologist: observe at a distance. It has nothing to do with your goodness or worth.
Mary, that nails it.
Totally Mary C. I love your comment.
Good luck! I’d be interested to know what sites you and others here have tried. I feel like none of the ones I’ve tried have been quite the right fit for me. Taking a little break right now, which of course means suddenly several boys are trying to date me.
I don’t think any sites are really better than others. In my experience, it’s mostly the same pool of people. (Though I’ve never been on E Harmony because I can’t handle the name.)
I met my partner on POF, which had been derided by my friends and (much) younger sister as a “hook up site”. It certainly appeared that way at first, suddenly my inbox was completely full of the most offensive, rude, sexist asshats I’d ever experienced in online dating…
However, there was a gem amongst them, who was a gentleman, a sensitive and wise soul, someone who truly wanted to connect on many levels. We met for coffee. Fast forward 16 months, and we’ve been living together for a year, have travelled together, and have planned a trip to his home country (Argentina) to meet his parents in a couple of weeks. We’re madly in love, and this has been the best year of my life (I’m 44 by the way).
I continue to read First Person Singular, as I enjoy it, and appreciate it strictly for itself (and Wendy). I’ve had many online dating experiences, but I have to say if I hadn’t made this effort, even in the face of cynicism, I wouldn’t have found the love of my life.
Thanks for your beautiful story, Mel. I’ve heard so many stories of people meeting each other in the most unlikely situations, that it’s hard not to be believe that some divine timing plays a part. I agree that you’ve got to tamp down the cynicism and keep at it, whether it’s love or anything else that is really important to you.
Everyone I know who’s tried eHarmony has told me that it’s the worst dating site out there. And they’ve told me that the amount of money they charge for getting worse results just adds insult to injury.
I’ve browsed through POF, OkCupid, and Match, and I’ve seen the same profiles on all three. I know two women who met their husbands on Match, but I can’t see spending the money to meet any of the same men that I contact through a free site.
@Mary – I echo the feedback that everyone else has already given you. Spot on accurate.
Though I’ve been trashing online dating here all week, I feel obligated to tell you all that I met a great man on Match 10 years ago and we were together quite happily for 3 years. So it can happen. I guess that’s why I keep hope alive that it can happen again:
that ‘ol divine Timing.
I completely agree, Mary. You’ve got to keep trying, if it’s something that’s important to you. What’s the alternative?
Indeed, Wendy. Good timing to all of us!
I tried E Harmony several years ago. A friend and I both signed up. We are totally different people, yet got all the same matches. Clearly it went by just age and locale.
And you don’t get to choose your age range or who you might like to meet. They decide all that for you.
I don’t think so.
That’s good to know, Noelle. But as I said, the name E Harmony always stopped me cold.
The name and those kind of creepy commercials.
Mail (will not be published) (required)
FIRST PERSON SINGULAR is a guide to surviving, thriving and sometimes just getting through a single day. Created by Wendy Braitman (more…)