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New Year’s Resolution Status Report

Sam Kaplan

Early last month, I decided to jumpstart a New Year’s resolution and register for Match.com. Here’s my tally so far: I’ve had one actual date, which was not a match, been contacted by 5 others who were definitely not a match, and gotten in touch with 10 men, with little or no response. By comparison, my other resolution – to drink more water – is already a resounding success.

Artwork by Sam Kaplan

 

Discussion

20 comments for “New Year’s Resolution Status Report”

  1. Stacey says:

    I went ahead and put my profile back up yesterday.

    I got a wink from a man I had already rejected several months ago. He had been fixated on my picture and couldn’t seem to carry on a coversation beyond “you have a pretty smile, I’d like to see more.”

    I got winks from two men that had almost nothing written in their profiles, certainly not anything that told me anything about themselves.

    And I got a wink for a man that had this “gem” for his profile: “i work hard for the things i wont and need i work on race cars in my spair time and help some peaple race i wont to take you wear you wont to go”. Under “occupation”, he put “engering”. The only good thing I can say about him is that at least he wore a tie for both of his profile pictures.

    But it’s not all bad – I received an email from a man who appears to have some interests in common with me, and neither his profile nor his email had any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors, and he appears to know how to have an actual conversation. And he also wore a tie in one of his profile pictures. He’s the one that received a response from me, ;-).

    I am also drinking more water with much success! :-)

  2. Jules says:

    Wendy, these men have no idea what they are missing. Yes, your intelligence and attractiveness are a given. But they don’t know about your Budino. God they are fools.

    • wendy says:

      Thanks so much Jules. I needed that!! The Budino (butterscotch pudding) should close the deal. If they only knew what they’re missing…

  3. Beth says:

    Hmmm, that sounds about par for the course for my Match experiences as well. I was on it in 2008 and 2009 with much more success, but in the last few years I can write about ten men and maybe, maybe, get one or two responses and one (middling) date.

    My questions are: Are people not really using the site? Did everyone migrate over to Facebook and online dating is dead? Or is it that in 2010 I hit forty, and it’s an age thing?

    I don’t have enough friends who are using it to know.

    Thanks for posting this, anyway– you are lovely and it helps me realize that I shouldn’t take those experiences personally!

  4. Janet says:

    I haven’t given up on hope but I do think on line dating is a 99% dead end and I’ve been on and off them all in the last 10 years. I’m done with that. I’ll just smile more and engage, what do I have to lose?

  5. John says:

    What were your reasons for considering those 10 men unsuitable?

    I see that Stacey has given her reasons. Can you give a similar explanation for yours? Thank You!

  6. mary c. says:

    Your water resolution is far healthier for you than Match. Did you happen to see that commentary in Slate recently about online dating?

  7. Jalina says:

    I don’t have an online profile at any dating site. I never got into the whole deal. Yeah it sucks sometimes being single, but I’m used to doing things on my own. I have great friends who are married, but include me here and there.

    I did read the Slate article and have to agree that meeting the “right” one is difficult, on and offline. Personally, I would rather be alone than to deal with someone like Jacob.

  8. Noelle says:

    I can’t answer for anyone else as to why particular men were unsuitable but I can tell you why I found them so in my search:

    1. A self-described “polyamorous pansexual.” Not my thing, I personally can’t get past the ick factor on that one.

    2. A man who asked “So, how often do you come to Albuquerque?” even though it’s where I, um, live and clearly said so.

    3. A man who demanded (not “asked” but “demanded”) additional pictures of me without coming up with even one of his own.

    4. A man who said, “So, you’re a vocalist!” when my profile said specifically that I played guitar but can’t sing worth a damn.

    5. 25-year-olds.

    6. The man who mentioned his dog in every single section of his profile. I love dogs, too, but it was painfully obvious I would be competing for attention with a canine.

    7. The numerous guys who sent form letters.

    8. The guys who sent letters even though they lived in New York, Florida, California. Granted, most of those were form letters.

    9. Guys who are not conversant with the fundamentals of grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Everyone makes typos, but …. well, we’ve covered that already.

    In general, men who did not take the time to read the profile were the problem for me.

    The few I did exchange e-mails with all did the same thing; went on about themselves for paragraphs and never thought to ask a single thing about me.

    For the record, a male friend recently put his profile up on OKCupid, went on a date and had exactly the same complaint, “She didn’t seem interested in learning anything about me.”

    What are these people looking for then, just quick hookups? There are sites just for that, if that’s all you want.

    • wendy says:

      I can relate to SO many things on your list. It’s frightening.

    • Stacey says:

      Noelle, you must be looking over my shoulder at what I’m seeing on my computer. I’m also thinking that they’re just looking for hookups. And of course, they ALL say that they’re not, but their actions say otherwise.

  9. Noelle says:

    Wendy and Stacey, the fact that we are all experiencing the same thing should be comforting, but somehow it’s disheartening, that there’s not any hope because it’s too general of a problem.

    I can’t even get my guitar teacher to listen to me and I PAY him.

    It’s all so depressing, that’s why I have stayed out of this arena for so long.

    John, comments?

    • wendy says:

      Gotta keep trying, if it’s something you’re interested in. I’m trying to push through my own major resistance. At least for the 3 months that I’ve re-subscribed.

  10. Noelle says:

    I read the Slate article, too, then followed the link to “All the Single Ladies” and that one made me feel better.

    I recall reading somewhere else that Americans are the among the least willing, in developed countries, to ascribe events of their lives to forces outside of their control, whether it be their job, social status, relationship status, whatever.

    That profoundly annoying “you can do anything you put your mind to” mantra that has taken hold is part of the problem.

    The trouble is, no, you can’t.

    It’s hard to shake that and figure you’re single ONLY because there is something seriously wrong with you.

    • wendy says:

      I’m not a big fan of “you can do anything you put your mind to.” But I do like the idea that you have to get good at experiencing failure in order to find your way to success.

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