filed in Sex and Dating
Revisiting an Ex
Last month, I came across an ad for a design talk and book signing at a local museum, featuring a man I’d dated 16 years ago. Since our time together, he started a lucrative business and had become rich. I reflected on whether I should go to his talk, afraid that he wouldn’t remember me, creating a moment so awkward I’d want to evaporate. But destiny called. The day the event arrived, it took me many wardrobe changes to get out of the house, attempting to look alluring, yet casual. I sat in the back of the dark auditorium checking for a wedding ring. When it was over, I sprung for his book, waiting nervously in line for a signature. He looked up and shook my hand. “Ah yes,” he said. “I was just thinking of you.” And off we went, our separate ways.
Illustration by Geoff McFetridge
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I am intrigued, but I’m not sure what to make of his comment. Was that all there was to the exchange? No “how have you been?” or anything?
It was hard for me to believe his comment, really. There might have been a little small talk, but the line had to keep moving.
I know exactly what to make of his comments.
He’d moved on. End of story.
Wendy, Sorry your Hope Meter was triggered. I’v lost all hope & that feels peaceful.
Well, I’m sure Wendy will speak for herself, but I didn’t read that her “hope meter” was triggered. She confidently walked into what could have been a tense situation, decided what she wanted to do, and did it. Then she accepted the result, and walked away. He is now just another person. No need to attach any major significance one way or the other. Many people would not have been able to do what she did. I for one would have turned tail and run from the building like my hair was on fire if there was a possibility I’d have to interact with an ex. Go Wendy!!
It’s almost always worth it when you can have a good story to tell afterwards.
It was fun to think about for a minute or two. But I never lose hope (not related to him, but about things in general).
Wendy, I have a post idea for you. I would love to see an open question post that asks this community why they think some people have trouble finding someone. I’ve grappled with this question in my own mind as I watch some people in my life (and in the public sphere) easily fall into relationships and others struggle to even find a date. It’s the most puzzling thing to me and maybe there is no answer. For instance, I’m in a Meetup group and I meet lots of women and some go on date after date with no luck. Meanwhile, a new woman to the group said she’s currently engaged just one year after ending a 14-year marriage. It just seems so out of balance!
One book I read last year concluded that it’s all dumb luck — there is no other reason.
Same reason people can turn into a teacher, a fire fighter, a drug dealer, or a doctor. And the same reason one cancer patient might respond well to chemotherapy and another person with the same exact disease, lifestyle, and other factors might not respond well to treatment. A) We’re all incredibly different, and B) pure dumb luck.
Thanks for weighing in, Leyla. I’m really thinking about this now and I think that for some people the whole concept of the ONE is like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Why do we all have to have ONE romantic relationship for life? I tend to believe that marriage only works for a small number of people. Look at the divorce rate. But if people were much more fluid and expansive, perhaps love is everywhere and it may last a day or months or years. That’s what I believe for my life anyway. I have given up on the idea of the ONE. But I love the idea of having a few lovers over the course of my life.
I’ll have fun mulling this one in my mind.
Let me ponder this, Dee. And I’ll try to come up with a good frame for discussion.
Thanks for sharing this with us Wendy. Very intriguing. I have an ex that I imagine running into some day. My birthday just passed last month and it was the first time since we met almost 14 years ago that he didn’t email, call, or text to tell me happy birthday. Even when we no longer were in touch per se, he would still reach out over social media. This year also happens to be the year he got married and had a baby. Anyways, I digress…but the point is that I believe we have officially gone our separate ways. So it leads me to wonder how a chance meeting in say 5 years would go.
To heck with him. More interesting question-5 years from now, what will YOU be doing that you never thought you’d do? I just returned from a trip to Austria where I sang in a Mozart festival. It was a life-changing experience that I could never duplicate. There’s something better in store for you than a chance meeting with a do of us who couldn’t even be bothered to say “happy birthday.”
With whom did you sing??
With my choir, the Choral Arts Society of Frederick.
What an honor that must’ve been.
Ahhh, awesome response! I love women who challenge their sisters to flip our ingrained thought process on it’s head. 🙂
Sorry, I meant to call your ex a “doofus,” but autocorrect got the better of me :-).
The one thing I have to say is that he still looked good. He also wrote something very nice when signing the book for me. It ended with, “to be continued…” Such a tease.