Super Antics by Kerry Callen
I’ve noticed a weird thing since being back in the south after years and years in the Pacific Northwest and that’s related to the interpersonal–men (on their dating profiles) and even the ones I meet in person are preoccupied to the point of it being concerning with being squeamish about women who are anything other than complaint free or “without baggage.”
As someone who is pretty candor-centric, about having ptsd and MS; it’s been me as this girl in the comic, many times over–very different than the deeper connections that seemed possible out west…
Karen, I hear you and some call it “drama free”! I am 58 and I see those dating profiles too. And this may sound very mean but many of the men my age look like they have one foot in the grave.
Single sounds so much nicer to me than having to take care of the selfish men that are ranting about women with baggage as if they don’t have any. We all have some baggage of some sort, its called living life.
I agree Gigi don’t ask for perfection if you’re not perfect. Who wants to take care of some selfish old man? An old man who also takes care of you – sure. Otherwise single life is pretty swell 🙂 Karen I’m in the south and always have been. Maybe (probably?) men here are still conditioned to believe a woman is their right and she is an accessory not a partner.
I think you are totally right. i was raised in the south, but left after college and spent my most formative years (so far–late twenties to mid-30s) in the PNW where the vibe is much more collaborative and partner-based and much less arm accessory. I think you are right, I think it is a regional thing–but it bums me out all the same.
I don’t know much about the South, being a coastal girl (NYC & CA). But are there pockets where there’s more gender equality?
Maybe Austin and Asheville? lol I’m not sure I’ve only lived in South Carolina. The bigger the city usually the more progressive, but it is also highly dependent on what type of crowd you run in. Maybe why I always feel odd when ever around my more country club-type friends and their friends b/c the men and women tend to segregate and women talk about lightweight / non controversial topics like shopping and kids (and these are educated women and most with professional jobs).
It’s surprising for me to read that this is still the dynamic. But I guess, I live in a bubble. (Although between NYC & LA, there are more than 12 folks in that bubble to keep me company.)
I think so–at least nationwide I think there are some places I have lived that were much more equal–in terms of being able to date and partner with men who viewed me as a partner and not an accessory.
I have yet to find that here in the south. I am not holding my breath, especially under the new regime.
No Drama Obama–oh gosh, I miss him something fierce.
I miss him too (and his fabulous wife).
Two points about this that my girl friends and I often go back to when we see similar profiles: 1) men have a tendency to perceive any natural emotion as “drama” and 2) the type of men who post that are probably the most likely to attract “drama” so that is a huge red flag anyway. I totally shut down when I see that and swipe left.
such a good point, it is true that’s a red flag.
I don’t care who you are or what the circumstances are, if you strongly protest “drama”, I guarantee you are the source of drama.
One rare exception may be “no drama, Obama.”
A man who’s perceives natural emotion as drama is probably projecting.
whew. i am so glad i am not the only one who sees that and says, better to be single.
it is called living life–amen.
Exactly right. I’m proud of my baggage. I’ve earned it.
Karen, it’s very comforting to come here and feel validated. But I have to admit I would adore a gentleman that wanted to walk with me and my “baggage” and I might even help carry his 🙂
Gigi, I really ppreciate your making this point. It’s good to have a safe community, but not an echo chamber.
Excellent point, Wendy.
Especially these days–echo chamber is a no, but safe community–yes, yes, yes.
I do like my political bubble, but even then, I like to take in opposing views.
Gigi–I know EXACTLY what you mean. I recently found out I have MS and it has (honestly) been heartbreaking to get to the stage of disclosing that (obviously, not on date one, but you know what I mean) and to get the same sort of horror that this comic alluded to and that has been discussed upthread.
I feel the same as you–I would love a partner who is in progress as I am, balancing the load would be nice. I know I can handle it alone, but–it would be nice to have someone to help lighten the load in a way that is mutually of benefit.
Years ago when I started writing this blog, it was a way for me to make sense of being single. There were so many cultural ideas of what it meant to be unmarried, and none of them jived with how I saw myself or the realities of my life. There have been times when I’ve been filled with longing for a spouse (and exhausted from trying to find one), and other times (like now) when it isn’t as pressing. But I’ve always encouraged folks on this site to go after romantic partnership if it’s important to them. So Gigi, keep at it…!
OK I will keep at at but in the mean time I will enjoy my beautiful single life 🙂
That’s the spirit!
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