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Vetting Fatigue

I have a close friend who breezed through online dating until he met his life partner that way. The ungainly process never seemed to bother him. I, on the other hand find it excruciating. And the impact was cumulative. That’s why I now prefer hanging out with people (and my dog) who already love me.

Illustration by Adam J Kurtz


10 comments for “Vetting Fatigue”

  1. Claire says:

    I’ve tried online dating once, during the first half of this year. Reminding myself I’m not for everyone and everyone isn’t for me made is less stressful. Having people and pets who already love you is key. I’m dating someone now but I still very much treasure my independence.

    • wendy says:

      If you feel like sharing Claire, how does independence mesh with dating, particularly if you really start caring about someone?

      • Claire says:

        Wendy, I am figuring that out! The man in question is also very independent. We enjoy our time together but don’t need to be together all the time. I make it s point to keep doing the things that are important to me and not change just to accommodate someone else unless I really want to. I guess time will tell to what extent our lives will overlap.

  2. Rachel says:

    I have been dating online for years and it’s killing me. Each “connection” has nibbled away at my core leaving me depleted. I swore off online dating this year and will focus on IRL activities & connections.

    • Gigi says:

      Rachel, I totally agree with you on this.
      When I gave it up it felt so liberating and I feel so much better about myself.

      I get all the love I need from my family, friends, and dog and cat. Why complicate my perfect life with “romance” that never seemed very good even the best of them.

      • wendy says:

        I hate dating. But I think romance does have its rewards.

        • Dee says:

          I hate dating, especially online dating, too. I hate that online has become the default way of meeting people to date. It feels like a cruel joke. I refuse to go online again. It’s been 3-4 years.

    • wendy says:

      I marveled at my friend’s ease during online dating. Somehow, he was able to not take any of it personally. I think that’s the key.

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