First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

Feeling Invisible? A Few Suggestions

Maybe it’s like this when you’re married, too. The ghostly feeling that you’re not noticed as an attractive, sexual being, no matter how much you get dolled up. I’m aware of it during dating slumps, like now, when even the loser guys on Match who used to wink from small towns in Georgia, have fallen away. Here are 5 tips:

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Make Me Laugh, Please!

A favorite story about my best friend, William, took place right after I’d gotten a disastrous perm, which turned my sleek hair into a frizzy mess. I ran to the phone and called Will, a reliable shoulder to cry on, and sobbed that I’d become Wendy, the Clown. When he saw me later that night, all he could do was laugh. I was stunned. For a couple of seconds, I hated him, but then, I started laughing too. Before long, neither of us could catch our breath. The ability to laugh in the face of misfortune is what I love about Will, and it’s part of what has sealed our friendship for life. He never takes himself too seriously, though I’m still practicing. As an antidote to the gravity of single life, please read Paul Rudnick’s piece in The New Yorker about “settling downward.” It’ll make you laugh.

Image: Jacqueline Lisant, 1964, by Pablo Picasso

The Single Etiquette of the Plus One

I’m planning a dinner party, and let’s say I’ve invited six friends. They include a married couple,       a pair who are living together, and two others who are single, but dating. Am I obliged to ask the people my single friends are going out with? At what point in a relationship must you invite your guest’s plus one – six months, two years, once they’ve met each other’s parents? It’s not such a deal adding two more to the table. But if they all say yes, it’s four couples and me. What would you do?

Photo: Coney Island, 1975, Leon Levinstein. A retrospective of his work is currently at the Met.

A Single Woman’s Work in Progress

On Friday nights, in honor of the Sabbath, I shut down my computer. It’s a metaphor, but also literal. For about 24 hours, I stay unplugged. Well, relatively unplugged, because I cheat, and by cheating I mean, checking for messages on my iPhone or worse, on someone else’s computer that I encounter along the way. Okay. I do my best. During this time period, I don’t post on FPS, and try not to even think about it. But this past Friday night, I could not get the word LOSER out of my mind. I was obsessing about an image I’d put up a few hours earlier, and started to fret. Was I bumming readers out with my frustrated tale of unmarried life? Should I be ending each story with a smile? Please. You tell me.

Image: Silja Goetz

Why I Hate Reunions

Last weekend in Connecticut, in a sumptuous house overlooking the harbor, 40 college classmates gathered for a reunion. I was invited, but said, sorry, no, with the handy excuse of it not being convenient right now for a cross country trek. By phone yesterday, I got the recap from a close friend who was there. It was fun, she said, everyone looked good, most were still married, several people asked about me. And I had a familiar pit in my stomach, wondering how my present day was described – especially with the inevitable question – What’s up with her love life?

Image: part of the Loser Party series by Gustavo Rubini

Cyber Walk of Shame

Yesterday morning, I frolicked in the land of the Single, writing 7 Things We Endure about Dating Sites. In the spirit of self-promotion, I decided to link to the post on Facebook, but as I was about to click SHARE, I was seized by a paralyzing moment of doubt. What if those beyond my trusted circle of friends read it, shake their heads, and cluck to themselves (or worse to each other):  Is she STILL trying to find a boyfriend? My head drooped, as I padded into the kitchen for a snack. It took two return trips to the computer before I got my confidence back. I’ll show them. With your input, the dating site endurances have grown. Keep ‘em coming.

Image: Stairway to the Sea, 1982, by Will Barnet

Folks, We Have a Winner(s)

Aimee Bender graciously agreed to be celebrity judge for our recent contest, a fitting job, given that her wonderful novel, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, inspired us. We asked the following question: What is your natural gift? What comes most easily to you?
All the submissions were fascinating, but with just two books to give away, here are Aimee’s picks -

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Eat Pray Love for this Ad Campaign to Be Over

The empty slogans for Eat, Pray, Love have been making me queasy:  ”You Don’t Need a Man. You Need a Champion.” Thanks, but no thanks. Here’s a review from one of my go-to critics -

Is Luck Blind or Is It Personal?

I don’t feel lucky, which probably means I need an attitude adjustment. There are so many hideous things that have never happened to me, and so many wonderful things that have. But once last month, and just yesterday, I got real lucky. The first was not being called into court for jury duty (while several friends were impaneled). The other was thanks to my neighbor who convinced a parking cop not to give me a $50 ticket. It was like winning the lottery, twice. I must’ve amassed some good civic karma, as they were both municipal events. Not so, in matters of the heart. And the question I can’t put to bed – is it something I did?

CONTEST winner will be announced on Friday!

Image via Partners & Spade

Are You Spending Too Much Time on Facebook?

Last week, a friend called me a Facebook whore. Right to my face. I was startled, embarrassed, then intimated, and didn’t post for a few days, until I realized, how could she know how often I was on FB, unless she was on there, too. My credo about social media is similar to how I feel about most technology. You’re in control (except for FB’s awful privacy policy). Technology doesn’t make us less communicative or more so, cause us to procrastinate, or rot our brains. It’s just a tool.

Vintage-style ad created by Moma, an ad agency from Sao Paolo, Brazil.