First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

How to Stay Relevant

A year ago today, the glamorous Barbie turned 50 and the whole world was watching (even me). And now, at 51, she’s barely an afterthought. So what happens to our sense of self-worth when the cameras go away? How can we feel attractive when no one seems to be looking? I ask these questions while navigating my own sex drought. And here’s what works for me: Refuse to be invisible. Stay social. Spray on cologne. Eat pasta. Do cardio. Volunteer.

Image: Barbie (with Pearl Necklace), 1997, by Marlene Dumas

The “WE” Word

If there’s a dreaded moment in the linguistic life of a single person, it’s hearing your previously unattached friend who’s now in a committed relationship use “WE” for the first time – as in,         “We finally got around to seeing The Hurt Locker, and it better win Best Picture,” or, “We’re heading to the lake house for the month of August.” By comparison, “I” seems so lonely and narcissistic. But who’s to say what constitutes a WE? Why not appropriate the word: “We decided to get into bed early tonight” (me and the new translation of War and Peace) or, “We just got back from an exhausting hike in the canyon” (me and my dog Rose) or, “We whipped up a tasty Boeuf Bourguignon.” (Me & Julia, Mastering the Art of French Cuisine).

Update from 3/2: There’s still time for your voice to be heard. Polls call soon.

Fear of Falling

During the Olympic ski jump competition a few weeks ago, the announcer explained that the mechanics of the sport aren’t very complex. The biggest hurdle is calming the voice screaming in your head, THIS IS SUICIDE! Tell me about it. I hate taking physical risk, which I believe is genetic – we’re readers in my family – but I understand it’s important to go beyond one’s comfort zone. When my Pilates instructor suggested I try hanging upside down from a high bar, I heard a voice screaming in my head, WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY? We compromised. From a more reasonable height, I hung from the waist down, which felt like enough for one day. And then I went home and cracked open a book.

Don’t forget to vote!

(Image: The Equivocal Woman, 1923, by Max Ernst)

Don’t Covet Your Neighbor’s Canapés

Do you know people who inhabit charmed lives? With their perfect cars, lovers, pets, bed linens, friends, books being-made-into-movie deals, families of origin, appetizers, vacation homes and flower arrangements, they breeze through the day-to-day, while most of us are exhausted and demoralized. They don’t seem to break a sweat. When I’m reeking envy, William, my wise therapist friend, tells me, “Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outside.” Fair enough. Maybe on closer examination, these charmed lives really suck. But still, they make it look so easy.

(Image: Pusher Woman by Mel Kadel, whose work is featured in 2TheWall until March 2.)

I Don’t Do Windows

My mother was downright adorable. She kept our house spotless and organized (including closets and drawers) worked a hard day at the office, prepared 3-course meals for the family, held hands with my father, and loved pretty clothes.

Me? I do not even own an iron.

Answered Prayers?

Somewhere along the line, I got tired of pleading for things that didn’t get delivered. (Though Obama did become President, and I prayed for that.) And yet, I started to notice that the very act of praying, took me beyond my grievances, and became its own reward, as I felt more connected to community, the world at large, and on a really good day, the cosmos.

Image: Ignored Prayers, 2010, by David Choe.

When You Don’t Inherit the High Heel Gene

I must’ve misplaced my woman’s manual:

1. How to wear high heels for a long evening, without regretting it in the morning?
2. How to apply concealer without looking like you’re wearing concealer?
3. How to keep polish on fingernails for more than a day without chipping?
4. How to stay warm in a sleeveless dress on a wintry day, especially in California, where no one likes to turn on the heat?
5. How to blow-dry hair, and not end up looking like your mother (or maybe that’s my mother)?
6. How to act like you don’t want it when you really do?

(Image: Nailpolish, 2009, by Elad Lassry)

What To Do When You’re Not Dating, Part 2

What do I have to show for six months on Match.com? Bubkes. Even still, I’m so busy -

1. getting through all ten Best Picture nominations before the Oscars on March 7. (If you haven’t seen The Hurt Locker and Avatar, try to catch them on the big screen.)
2. watching videos from the TED conference.
3. preparing 2009 taxes. (Actually, I haven’t gotten to this one yet.)
4. reading short stories by J.D. Salinger, because his writing is as brilliant and accessible as the tributes suggest.
5. making chicken and beef stock from scratch, having been humbled by Mark Bittman who writes The Minimalist, a down-to-earth column for the Times, in which he urges home cooks to clean their kitchen shelves of boullion cubes and canned stock.

(bubkes: Yiddish for nada, zilch, nothing.)

Is There a Downside to Good Taste?

I envisioned myself a connoisseur until a few hours ago, when I realized I wasn’t spelling the word correctly. Even now as I post this, I’m checking a dictionary to make sure I get it right. (It’s the second “o” that throws me, and if you can’t spell it, you’re probably not one.) Sometimes I’m afraid I’ve gotten too rarefied, especially when searching for a date. Does the man I’m going out with have to like literature, fine art and haute cuisine, or is it okay that his chosen writer is Dan Brown and favorite restaurant, a greasy spoon?

Image: Connoisseur, 1962, by Norman Rockwell, whose birthday is today!

Why It’s Great to Be Single on Valentines Day, reason #2 from Jill:             Continue reading »

What We Can Learn from Groundhog Day

Don’t rely on anecdotal evidence. Our brains are hard-wired to make sense out of random patterns. But we’re often wrong, no matter how compelling the evidence may be. Antibiotics can’t cure the flu, damp weather doesn’t aggravate arthritis, ice won’t heal a burn, unmarried women aren’t crankier than married ones, groundhogs can’t predict an early spring. On the other hand, the 1993 comedy Groundhog Day directed by Harold Ramis, is surprisingly charming and true. One of my all-time favorite films.

Today starts the countdown of ten reasons Why It’s Great to Be Single on Valentines Day.       Chocolate winner announced on February 14.

From Rachel: Same reason it’s great to be single every day: You can do whatever you want to!