First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

Pyramid Scheme

Anyone care to tackle a revised, revised pyramid?

UPDATE: This revised pyramid was met with an avalanche of push back. Read the rebuttal.

A Single Woman’s Work in Progress

On Friday nights, in honor of the Sabbath, I shut down my computer. It’s a metaphor, but also literal. For about 24 hours, I stay unplugged. Well, relatively unplugged, because I cheat, and by cheating I mean, checking for messages on my iPhone or worse, on someone else’s computer that I encounter along the way. Okay. I do my best. During this time period, I don’t post on FPS, and try not to even think about it. But this past Friday night, I could not get the word LOSER out of my mind. I was obsessing about an image I’d put up a few hours earlier, and started to fret. Was I bumming readers out with my frustrated tale of unmarried life? Should I be ending each story with a smile? Please. You tell me.

Image: Silja Goetz

What are the Best Happiness Predictors?

Six years ago, Yale Professor Daniel Kahneman made headlines when he published a study of 909 working women in Texas to determine what makes people happy. Dr. Kahneman and his team of psychologists asked the participants to keep a journal of their daily activities, and the following day, re-imagine the activity, and rank it within a 7-point scale of feelings such as annoyed, criticized, worried, warm, friendly or happy. The wow factor came when he reported that caring for children ranked pretty low on the list, below cooking and right above housework. (Socializing, relaxing and watching TV were among the highest.) Making lots of money wasn’t necessarily a plus, and what had the biggest impact on keeping an upbeat mood was not marriage or kids, but getting a good night’s sleep.

Image: My Fiancée with Black Gloves, 1909, by Mark Chagall, born on this day in 1887.

The Tenacity of Marriage

Despite the brutal racial segregation of apartheid in South Africa, noted photographer David Goldblatt captured this triumphant moment at a wedding party in Soweto in 1970. An exhibition of Goldblatt’s beautiful and heart-wrenching work is at the Jewish Museum in New York until September 19th.

Do We Have to EARN Happiness?

I was on the phone with a friend today, who told me that he is happier than he has ever been. This friend is a thoroughly kind person, also handsome, gives back to the community, cooks well, and sends the best birthday cards. After years of complicated, moody relationships and a failed marriage, he finally met an equally good person who really loves him. I was elated at the news. Not for a moment, did I begrudge him his happiness. He had earned it. But what a weird idea, earning happiness? Is there a correlation between being good and being happy?

Image: Liebespaar (Lovers), 1967, by the influential artist, Sigmar Polke who died a few days ago.

Gateway to Happiness

I suppose it had been building since Christmas, when three friends, in succession, fell in love. While they were on romantic getaways with “the one,” I was on the sofa with my pets. It took some heavy lifting, but I made peace with it. That is, until yesterday. I took Rose for a walk and out of nowhere roared the age-old question that leads nowhere good: “When will someone come and save ME?”     I was steeped in envy, as we turned the corner onto Olympic Boulevard, the rush hour traffic zooming by. With a sharp pull on the leash, Rose came to the rescue, jerking me out of my reverie of pity, as she bolted into the bushes after a cat. In an odd (and sad) coincidence last night, I got word that one of my friends and his lover just called it quits.

Image: Kentucky, 1977, by Lee Friedlander

How Do You Feel About Being Single?

I’m a Loser, I’m Not Married, Let’s Just All Look at Me is the snappy title of a new study by university researchers Lawrence Ganong and Elizabeth Sharp, describing the pressures on women who have reached their mid-thirties without marrying. Ganong and Sharp conducted 32 interviews with middle class women, who complained (and this won’t shock you) about feeling invisible, while at the same time, TOO NOTICEABLE, among their married friends and family. Enough about that. On a more empowering note, I’m searching for delicious restaurants in Venice for my upcoming trip to Italy. Recommendations welcome.

Image by Daniel Everett. His work will be exhibited at Chicago’s Museum of Contemporary Art beginning April 3.

Does Facebook Know If We’re Happy?

Valentines Day was a piece of cake, or more precisely, a chicken pot pie, which I made from an Ina Garten recipe for friends who were coming to dinner. The midday weather was spectacular, and while my dough was resting in the fridge, I took Rose for a stroll in the park, and afterwards, we all watched the Olympics on TV. In other words, I felt happy. That is, until I stumbled onto Facebook’s Relationships and Happiness page, and their Gross National Happiness Index, which measures happiness based on the positive or negative words people use in their status updates. What a ludicrous barometer. “Just as expected,” FB writes, “people who are in a relationship or marriage do seem to be happier than everyone else.”

I will NOT let social media ruin my buzz. Let’s get the expert, Bella DePaulo, on the case.

All You Need is Love (all together now)

A few days after posting The Benefit of Awe, I decided to get in touch with Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and “Chief Scientific Advisor” to Chemistry.com to learn more about her point of view. Here’s our unedited email exchange:   Continue reading »

The Benefit of Awe

I took myself to the movies on Saturday, and saw The Third Man, a British film noir masterpiece, and it put me in the best mood. And still this morning I breezed into my car with lifted spirits. Even the jerk that cut me off from the right lane couldn’t sour me. I turned on NPR, and the host announced that in honor of Valentines Day, he’d be featuring conversations about love, EVERY day this week. Not that there’s anything wrong with love, but does it have to be for a whole week?   Continue reading »