First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

Are Unmarried Women Looking for a Free Ride?

I’m stoked with partisan fury a lot of the time. My policy is not to share it here, because do you really want to hear me kvetching about politics? But every once in awhile, a story comes along that’s too much fun to ignore. Enter Phyllis Schlafly.

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Getting Beyond Group Think

From writer Jonah Lehrer, How We Decide -

While waiting in line for my cappuccino this weekend, I was ready to punch myself in the face, as I realized that everyone in line was wearing the exact same uniform: artfully frayed jeans, quirky printed t-shirts, flannel shirts, messy hair, etc. And we were all staring at the same gadget, and probably reading the same damn website. In other words, our pose of idiosyncratic uniqueness was a big charade. Self-loathing alert!

Let’s make a pact to do something at least once a week to get beyond our own echo chambers. I know someone who subscribes to email blasts from politicians she doesn’t agree with, in order to understand what they’re thinking. Jonah Lehrer makes a case for reaching out to people we don’t know, through social networking. Maybe I’ll strike up a conversation with a Tea Party follower, up the street.

Image: This is Where You Are, 2003, by Chris Johanson

Single, Straight and Coming to Dinner

A few weeks ago, I was invited to a dinner party. What a TREAT to be eating someone else’s home-cooked food for a change. But I almost said no. The reason? The other guests were two couples, and I wasn’t up for being the fifth wheel. I confessed to my host, who’d been single for years. He soon emailed that an unattached friend would be joining us. As it turns out, everyone at the dinner party is gay (but me). And I realized that this scenario is a total no-brainer. On a related subject, read a fascinating piece in Scientific American about the stereotype of the “fag hag.” And at 2 minutes, 13 seconds into this video, watch the late, Rue McClanahan (of Golden Girls fame), play one. From a 1971 film, “Some of My Best Friends Are…”

Is It Okay to Choose to be Alone?

Can it be that I started First Person Singular over a year ago, and this is my first mention of Emily Dickinson? (This image, above, is the only confirmed photograph, taken when she was 16 or 17.) DON’T MISS reading Holland Cotter’s very personal and moving piece in the Times exploring the Dickinson mythos, My Hero, the Outlaw of Amherst. Here’s an excerpt:

But why do we so badly need to have this poet paired off with someone? Why do we need to make a failure in love — and because Dickinson was single, failure is always assumed — the explanation for her art? We don’t consider “Walden” or “Moby Dick” or “Leaves of Grass” the products of amorous psychopathology. Yet the notion lingers that Dickinson’s poetry was a disturbed response to some unfulfilled need, her retirement a symptom of sickness.

If You’re 50 and Unmarried, Are You Gay?

When the Wall Street Journal inserted this photo of Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan, on their front page, they were accused of playing the gay by insinuation card. Rumors have been flying since Ms. Kagan first appeared on Obama’s short list, because, let’s face it, if you’ve reached the age of 50, without marrying, and have cropped hair, there’s only one conclusion to be drawn. Lesbian. Continue reading »

The Unmarried Women of the Supreme Court

An excerpt from Ruth Marcus’s column today in the Washington Post:

(Elena) Kagan’s nomination raises another, somewhat uncomfortable question: what to make of the fact that, assuming she is confirmed, two of the three women on the court will be unmarried and childless. The obvious inference is that marriage and motherhood are not particularly compatible with the relentless career path required to achieve that level of success.

Read the full column.

Does Facebook Know If We’re Happy?

Valentines Day was a piece of cake, or more precisely, a chicken pot pie, which I made from an Ina Garten recipe for friends who were coming to dinner. The midday weather was spectacular, and while my dough was resting in the fridge, I took Rose for a stroll in the park, and afterwards, we all watched the Olympics on TV. In other words, I felt happy. That is, until I stumbled onto Facebook’s Relationships and Happiness page, and their Gross National Happiness Index, which measures happiness based on the positive or negative words people use in their status updates. What a ludicrous barometer. “Just as expected,” FB writes, “people who are in a relationship or marriage do seem to be happier than everyone else.”

I will NOT let social media ruin my buzz. Let’s get the expert, Bella DePaulo, on the case.

“No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor”

The orgasm quote is from the late, great, Betty Friedan (February 4, 1921- February 4, 2006). The Feminine Mystique, her seminal book published in 1963, shattered the myth of the contented housewife:

Each suburban wife struggled with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night — she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question — “Is this all?”

Why It’s Great to Be Single on Valentines Day, reason #3 from Emily:   Continue reading »

Will the Real Cat Lady Please Stand Up

On December 8, the Canadian documentary Cat Ladies will air on WeTV. The film is a portrait of four women who, for better or for worse, each live with A LOT of cats. Are these women crazy? Are they just lonely? Do they fit the spinster stereotype? I have a certain sensitivity to the subject as a single woman who is madly in love with her pets. I wanted to understand the motivation behind the film, and posed nine questions to the filmmaking team from Cat Ladies.     Continue reading »

The Trope of the Crazy Cat Lady

Here’s my disclaimer. I have NOT seen the Canadian documentary, Cat Ladies, only this trailer. I read about the film over the summer and contacted the producer, who emailed that she will be sending me a copy for review. I hope, as their promotional materials indicate, the film shatters the stereotype of the cat lady, rather than plays into it. The preview does not make me hopeful.

For the record, I LOVE my cat.