First Person Singular

Feeling Invisible? A Few Suggestions

wendy — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 00:56:25 +0000

Maybe it’s like this when you’re married, too. The ghostly feeling that you’re not noticed as an attractive, sexual being, no matter how much you get dolled up. I’m aware of it during dating slumps, like now, when even the loser guys on Match who used to wink from small towns in Georgia, have fallen away. Here are 5 tips:

1. Treat yourself to a lavish meal with a friend. Today, I went to the best Osteria in my neighborhood, ate lasagna, and cheered up.
2. Buy something frivolous, let’s say a new lipstick for the fall season. The man at the makeup counter will fawn over you, and never mind that he’s on commission.
3. Think globally, act locally. Help someone in need. You’ll get noticed and appreciated.
4. Stay away from romantic comedies. You might forget that they’re preposterous to begin with, and use it as a tool for self-pity. (except for these)
5. Name 5 things you take for granted. Really do it. e.g. I tore my calf muscle on Monday, and without warning, I could barely walk. Every step was painful. Now on the mend, I’m having an unexpected love fest with the back of my leg.

Image: Untitled, 1974, Larry Bell

10 Romantic Comedies I Don’t Hate

wendy — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 01:48:03 +0000

This is hard to believe, but I have a friend, a straight man, who LOVES romantic comedies, and sees them all. He used to ask me to come along, then I’d roll my eyes, he’d call me a snob, I’d question his taste, and we’d go off to our corners to sulk. The truth is, I’m a sucker for happy endings in a love story, like most of humanity, but I can’t relax into films that ask me to suspend my disbelief so much so as to require a lobotomy. Occasionally, there are romcoms that I actually enjoy. Here are ten of my favorites, post 1960 (in no particular order). What are yours?

As Good As It Gets, 1997, directed by James L. Brooks
Groundhog Day, 1993, directed by Harold Ramis
The Apartment, 1960, directed by Billy Wilder
Annie Hall, 1977, directed by Woody Allen
Jerry Maguire, 1996, directed by Cameron Crowe
Something’s Gotta Give, 2003, directed by Nancy Meyers
Knocked Up, 2007, directed by Judd Apatow
About a Boy, 2002, directed by Chris and Paul Weitz
Shakespeare in Love, 1998, directed by John Madden
A Fish Called Wanda, 1988, directed by Charles Crichton and John Cleese

Image: Fast-Forward Through the Love Scenes, 2009, by Clare Grill. If you’re in Portland, check out her show at the Froelick Gallery through October 2.

Make Me Laugh, Please!

wendy — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 01:02:33 +0000

A favorite story about my best friend, William, took place right after I’d gotten a disastrous perm, which turned my sleek hair into a frizzy mess. I ran to the phone and called Will, a reliable shoulder to cry on, and sobbed that I’d become Wendy, the Clown. When he saw me later that night, all he could do was laugh. I was stunned. For a couple of seconds, I hated him, but then, I started laughing too. Before long, neither of us could catch our breath. The ability to laugh in the face of misfortune is what I love about Will, and it’s part of what has sealed our friendship for life. He never takes himself too seriously, though I’m still practicing. As an antidote to the gravity of single life, please read Paul Rudnick’s piece in The New Yorker about “settling downward.” It’ll make you laugh.

Image: Jacqueline Lisant, 1964, by Pablo Picasso

The Single Etiquette of the Plus One

wendy — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 02:32:21 +0000

I’m planning a dinner party, and let’s say I’ve invited six friends. They include a married couple, a pair who are living together, and two others who are single, but dating. Am I obliged to ask the people my single friends are going out with? At what point in a relationship must you invite your guest’s plus one – six months, two years, once they’ve met each other’s parents? It’s not such a deal adding two more to the table. But if they all say yes, it’s four couples and me. What would you do?

Photo: Coney Island, 1975, Leon Levinstein. A retrospective of his work is currently at the Met.

Love the One You’re With

wendy — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 00:48:05 +0000

Earlier today, a long-distance, former flame with whom I haven’t talked for months, emailed to see if I wanted to rendezvous at an airport hotel 200 miles away, for dinner and I assume, sex. It has been awhile since a man asked me out for a meal, no less an overnight, so I considered his offer. Plus, it’s a Friday with no plans, and this sort of adventure appeals to me. Should I grab my toothbrush, get in the car and go for it? If I was mad for him, or even in lust, I might’ve already been on my way. Instead, I’m going to make spaghetti, watch Anatomy of a Murder on TMC and cuddle with the dog who loves me. Happy weekend!

Image: Wants/Needs by Scott Albrecht. An exhibition of his work opens today in San Francisco.

The Search for Dating Truth in Advertising

wendy — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 01:40:38 +0000

Declaring “I’m a man of integrity” has become the latest dating profile swagger. Three times during the last six months, men of “integrity” have written, eager to meet, only to disappear before the first date. The most recent one, Michael (yes, his real name), couldn’t be bothered with email banter: “Let’s talk over tea,” he insisted. (I suggested martinis, but he doesn’t drink.) We spoke on the phone for almost an hour, and he promised to call in a few days, after his business trip, to arrange a date. That was three weeks ago. So I email bantered the following:

ME: I’m just curious. Why is it that you didn’t call back?

HIM: Nothing personal, just had a lot going on.

ME: Nothing personal, but when you advertise as a man of integrity, I assume it means you’ll do what you say.

Illustration: Blind Date, 2009, by Matt Stephens

In Defense of Single Women and Cats

wendy — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 01:25:50 +0000

Have you been following the nasty story, gone viral, about a British woman caught on video throwing a cat in the trash? I will spare you the actual footage. After hearing about it, I stumbled onto this report in which twice it’s mentioned that the perpetrator, Mary Bale, is unmarried. And, according to neighbors, she’s a recluse who doesn’t have a lot of visitors. I always thought that unmarried, reclusive women LOVE cats. There goes another stereotype.

Image: Vintage ad for Lanvin’s My Sin fragrance

Pyramid Scheme

wendy — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 22:14:26 +0000

Anyone care to tackle a revised, revised pyramid?

UPDATE: This revised pyramid was met with an avalanche of push back. Read the rebuttal.

A Single Woman’s Work in Progress

wendy — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 00:35:49 +0000

On Friday nights, in honor of the Sabbath, I shut down my computer. It’s a metaphor, but also literal. For about 24 hours, I stay unplugged. Well, relatively unplugged, because I cheat, and by cheating I mean, checking for messages on my iPhone or worse, on someone else’s computer that I encounter along the way. Okay. I do my best. During this time period, I don’t post on FPS, and try not to even think about it. But this past Friday night, I could not get the word LOSER out of my mind. I was obsessing about an image I’d put up a few hours earlier, and started to fret. Was I bumming readers out with my frustrated tale of unmarried life? Should I be ending each story with a smile? Please. You tell me.

Image: Silja Goetz

Why I Hate Reunions

wendy — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 22:59:00 +0000

Last weekend in Connecticut, in a sumptuous house overlooking the harbor, 40 college classmates gathered for a reunion. I was invited, but said, sorry, no, with the handy excuse of it not being convenient right now for a cross country trek. By phone yesterday, I got the recap from a close friend who was there. It was fun, she said, everyone looked good, most were still married, several people asked about me. And I had a familiar pit in my stomach, wondering how my present day was described – especially with the inevitable question – What’s up with her love life?

Image: part of the Loser Party series by Gustavo Rubini