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Who is Your Safety Net?
There’s that stark moment at the doctor’s office, when you’re asked to write down your “in case of emergency” contact. Are you sure, right away, how to answer, or do you shift in your chair and have to think about it?
Topping my list of things that I’ve missed out on as a single woman, is the security of knowing, without hesitation, who my safety net is. I don’t mean financially, although that sounds luxurious, too. But sometimes I ache for the security of a go-to partner, who will be there for me, no matter what. It seemed that my father was like that for my mother, and my brother appears that way for his wife. Deep down, I’m hoping that my safety net fantasy is one of those marriage myths, and that couples have their existential moments of feeling alone in the world, just like single people do.
For now, my solution is a diversified portfolio, as I look to a community of friends to count on. Who knows? Maybe it’s a smarter strategy. Maybe I’m the lucky one.
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I still put my parents as my emergency contacts, although I’m 38 and my parents live 500 miles away. But I never know who else I would put. Even at those times when I have been in a relationship, I feel like it takes a really long time to get to a point where I would feel comfortable putting that person down as my emergency contact (and then that gets into all kinds of questions of how long this form might be sitting around – what if we break up but their name is still there on that damn form?). And yet, I have plenty of friends who I’m sure would come running if I NEEDED an emergency contact contacted.
On a superficial level, I think this IS one of the advantages of being ‘permanently’ coupled – when you make that kind of commitment, I think everyone expects that sort of support is part of the deal. But I certainly don’t think that means coupled people never feel alone. It doesn’t even mean that their emergency contact person is actually available when needed. All it really does is make it easier to know whose name to actually write in that box.
I still use my parents, too. In my case, though, they’re actually readily available if they needed to be notified and could come to my rescue. After they pass on someday, though, I truly don’t know who my emergency contact will be. I don’t have any siblings, and I don’t live near my extended family. Perhaps one of my close friends; I’ve known some of them since I was in elementary school, and I think they would take on that roll for me if I needed them to. I know I would for them.
Ditto to what Jenn said about married couples!