First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

Getting Beyond the Bias: A Dove in Afghanistan

With restraint, I’ve kept my political views to a minimum here, except when the outrage is so fierce I can’t control the spill. As the debate on sending more American troops into Afghanistan has intensified, I’ve envied the certainty that many of my friends have about the subject. I can’t seem to put my hands on enough information to know what’s right.

It was a relief today to discover Confessions of a Dove in Afghanistan, a vivid account by the writer Sara Davidson of her recent visit to Kabul with a group of women put together by the “peace” organization, Code Pink. Here’s a sampling:

After eight days, our presumptions were turned upside down, splitting us into camps with conflicting opinions. Some still wanted an exit strategy, but one woman who’s spent 40 years in non-violent peace work reversed her lifelong stand, believing the military should stay and more troops might be helpful. “It shocks me to admit this,” she said.

(Image: Dove, 1949, by Pablo Picasso)

Tis the Season!

I don’t don costumes for the holidays, nor do I dress my pets in gay apparel. But then again, I’m no Tim Burton. This festive 1997 Polaroid taken by filmmaker extraordinaire, Tim Burton, is part of a major exhibition at MOMA showcasing the breadth of his art and other-worldly filmmaking career. Now through April 26, 2010 in New York. (This just made it to my list of holiday plusses.)

What Doesn’t Drive Me Crazy About Xmas*

I’m a holiday grouch. In the interest of finding some seasonal grace, I’m taking a verbal fast from the sentence (…fill in the blank)  is driving me crazy? For example, the long wait at the post office is driving me crazy. Or, the fact that I can’t find a spot in the parking lot of the movie theater because it happens to be in the same place as the shopping mall is driving me crazy. *Using Xmas as an abbreviation for Christmas is driving me crazy. I’m touchy. You get the point.

To turn around my mood, I’m compiling a list of the nice things about this time of year. As of today, I could only come up with five. PLEASE ADD YOUR OWN.

1. People donating money and time to charities
2. More chocolate truffles than usual
3. Cooks really giving it their best shot
4. Truly unexpected gifts
5. Between Christmas and New Years, there’s a lot less traffic (in L.A.)

Don’t forget to enter our first CONTEST. Deadline for comments is December 18, 2009.

A Night for the Perfect Food

Cooking latkes (the Yiddish word for pancake) wreaks havoc on my kitchen, turning the floor and stovetop into an oily mess. But once a year, it’s worth it, to bite into the crispy potato cake infused with grated onion and salt (and to be the one with a stash of leftovers in the freezer.)

I’ll be serving them to a few friends this evening in honor of the first night of Chanukah. And though I can’t yet vouch for this recipe from Arthur Schwartz’s Jewish Home Cooking (after the jump) I’m going to give it a try. I appreciate that he allows for some leeway to reheat the latkes in a 425 degree oven, hours (or even days) after they’ve been fried, rather than insisting we serve them immediately from the pan. I am not of the generation of women (like my Latvian-born grandmother) who were happy to toil over a hot, messy stove, while their guests sat down to eat.     I want to join in the fun.     Continue reading »

Now Showing in New York

I feel lucky to live in Los Angeles and its proximity to good art. But, ah, to be able to stroll through the galleries of NYC…

The last few times I visited Manhattan, I made a point of going to the Lower East Side, which was a part of town I never dared venture to, when I actually lived in New York. Last week’s Times, had a good overview of what’s showing in some of the exhibition spaces there, and I was drawn to this photographic print, Black Teddy, by Barb Choit. The artist buys 80’s era fine arts posters by Patrick Nagel online, and then partially fades them using a tanning bed, lamps or bleach. Choit’s work will be at the Rachel Uffner Gallery until December 20, 2009.

Is Sex Better When You’re Single?

When I get trapped at a party with a married person who wants to know why I’m still single, I have the perfect comeback line. “At least I have the hope of new sex.” Suddenly the conversation gets real quiet. It works every time. Yes, I’m up for adventure, but sometimes a little continuity would be nice. My biggest beef with sex and the single girl is not quantity, but quality. And quality usually requires intimacy. (Except for that one time….)

Why Women Have Sex is the title of a new book by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss, two pschology professors from the University of Texas at Austin, who interviewed 1006 women and identified 237 different reasons why we engage in sexual activity (e.g. sexual attraction, physical pleasure, expression of love). Do we really need a book to know this? Who, exactly, is the target audience? When the authors were asked in an interview about the next frontier in sexual research, David Buss replied, “the female sexual orgasm.” Now there’s a manual that would come in handy.

CONTEST: Surviving the Holidays When You’re Single

HERE’S YOUR CHANCE TO WIN SOMETHING! (and the odds are pretty good)

Christmas muzak is starting to bug me, so I know the holidays are upon us. What’s the best way to glide through the holiday season when you’re SINGLE? You tell me.

Share your tip with us, and the best piece of advice will win a prize: Judith Jones beautiful and useful cookbook, The Pleasures of Cooking for One. As a book editor at Alfred A. Knopf for over 50 years, Jones has introduced Americans to some of the world’s great cooks. If I didn’t already own this cookbook, I’d enter the contest.

Comments must be received by December 18, 2009, and include your full name and email address. And since we still believe in hard copies of books, if you win, we’ll need a U.S. shipping address.

UPDATE: Check out the winning comments!

Fitting In

I just got back from a weekend with family, for a gathering to celebrate a new baby. Ever since I was a kid–way before the prospect of marriage was on the horizon–I’ve felt like I didn’t belong in my extended tribe. Everyone is gracious, and they no longer ask about whom I’m dating, and whether it’s going anywhere. And I try NOT to imagine the thought bubble above their heads. At most of the dinners throughout the weekend, I was the only single adult (there were more than 25 of us) with the exception of an older widow and a sprinkling of young children.

So it was a relief to be on the plane ride home, where I didn’t stand out as an anomaly, and I could cocoon in peace with the Sunday Times. The first section I reached for is the magazine, until I saw the cover story, staring back at me: Married Happily (With Issues), about a couple “trying to make their good marriage better.” Well, that’s one article I don’t have to read. I shoved it into the seat pocket in front of me, turned on some music and took a nap.

(Image: Girl in a Box, by Japanese pop artist, Yoshimoto Nara, 2001)

Is There a Link Between Dating and Exercise?

In a few days, I’m scheduled for a coffee date with a guy from Match. But you never know. Online daters have horrible etiquette, and saying and doing can be worlds apart. In any case, I’m prepping. My body is in pretty good shape. Yet, just the thought that a new man might eventually see me naked, adds some AB crunches to my workout. Perhaps an even bigger motivator is the desire to look good in a slinky dress.

Have you ever “exercise-crammed” for a date?

(The ultimate slinky dress is from Katie Gallagher)

Date update: POSTPONED

Will the Real Cat Lady Please Stand Up

On December 8, the Canadian documentary Cat Ladies will air on WeTV. The film is a portrait of four women who, for better or for worse, each live with A LOT of cats. Are these women crazy? Are they just lonely? Do they fit the spinster stereotype? I have a certain sensitivity to the subject as a single woman who is madly in love with her pets. I wanted to understand the motivation behind the film, and posed nine questions to the filmmaking team from Cat Ladies.     Continue reading »