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Cuddling With My Chair

Determined to contact at least a few men a week on Match.com, I’ve had to broaden my horizons and by broaden I mean emailing those I’m not thoroughly drawn to. Take geographic location, as an example. Los Angeles is sprawling and I’m not inclined to want to date someone who lives too far away (with the exception of two exes who lived in other countries) partially because of the inconvenience but also because in what neighborhood we set down roots says something about us, or so my thinking goes. Last night, in the spirit of expansiveness, I sent a quick note to someone who would require me getting on a freeway and who I wished was a little cuter. What really burns me is receiving the “thanks, but no thanks email” from him this morning. Time to go hug a couch.

Illustration by David Shrigley


18 comments for “Cuddling With My Chair”

  1. Jia Li says:

    The law of big numbers will play out. Keep out. Don’t get it personal.

  2. Heather says:

    I’ve never been able to make a long distance relationship work. It’s fine for a little while, but then it becomes like work and you start to dread it. I limit my relationships to a 20 mile radius. 25 if he’s a really good kisser.

  3. Stacey says:

    I think there’s something to be said for a long-distance relatinship…sometimes.

    I was once engaged to a man with whom I had a long-distance relationship. We decided that he would move to my area. Within two months of him moving closer to me, we broke up. He still lives in that area, and I now live on the other side of the country, LOL.

    I used to know a woman who was married to a man who travelled a lot for his job – he was a trainer for IBM, and Monday through Friday, he’d be flying all over the country to teach customers how to fully take advantage of their new equipment. They lived like that for 35+ years. Then he retired. They were divorced within two years after that – she said she couldn’t stand him moving stuff around in “her” house.

    • wendy says:

      By their very nature, I think long distance relationships are really hard to integrate into everyday life. I’ve also tried that a few times, and it’s failed.

  4. Julia says:

    Wendy – you’re lucky that the guy at least sent you an e-mail. Guys I contacted on eHarmony didn’t even respond, which is one of the reasons why I no longer use online dating sites. Law of numbers be . I kept stressing out over the rejections, so I stopped doing it. I’m alone, but a lot happier.

    • wendy says:

      I’ve had a few get back to me, though many more don’t. One of the biggest problems I have with dating sites, though, is that there are very few men I’d want to go out with.

  5. Janine says:

    Wendy, I’m so glad to hear someone else say that. I’ve tried online dating, but always soon give up, mainly because I feel that there are so few men that I would want to take the time and effort to meet and/or date. My friends continue to encourage me, so I just continue to remind them that, for me, online dating is quite literally like trying to find a needle in a haystack (read: frustrating). I think that they’re are many wonderful men out there, but very few that are the right fit for me.

  6. clare says:

    I gave up online dating, I just don’t think it works. It didnt work when I was younger and its a bastard as you get older because all the men are dreaming of 22-year olds and so it just serves as something to make you feel small. Once I went over 40 I got very few emails from men my own age, yet the guys I am supposedly a match for age wise online(ie those over 50 but put their age online as 40s)seem decades older than me in real life!Like as if their ex wives sucked all their juice out 😀 I figure in this life you meet someone or you don’t-its like the weather. We can’t control it.

    • wendy says:

      Clare, I share your frustration. I sign on for a few months every once in awhile, until it makes me crazy. But I have friends who’ve met mates that way. And it usually gives me at least one good story to tell.

    • Julia says:

      Quantity does not equal quality. It often actually means a reduced quality.

  7. LoveMyTivo says:

    I’m curious…did you prefer the “thanks, no thanks” email to no response? I don’t think I would like a “thanks, no thanks” email and I never send them. I am never sure what to say…. “You seem like a great guy but just not for me”? I am afraid they might fight back and try to argue with me. I pretty consistently get no response from the guys I reach out to, but like you, I know many who have had luck (and I really have no idea where the great guys are in real life) so I continue to give it a shot!

    • wendy says:

      After recently getting a “thanks but no thanks” email, I realize I prefer for them just to go quietly into the night.

      • Stacey says:

        For me, it depends on what kind of mood I’m in, and what my confidence level is on a particular day. I like the closure of the “thanks, but no thanks” email, because then I’m not wondering. But other times, it’s definitely that “ouch” moment.

        I’ve actually been brave enough to talk about this topic with a few different men, and they’ve all told me that they prefer the “thanks, but no thanks” email over no response at all. So unless the guy really creeps me out, I’ll go ahead and send it. (And if he creeps me out, I’ll just block him.)

        • wendy says:

          That’s good anecdotal evidence, Stacey. I usually don’t say anything, when I’m not interested, but I’ll consider your suggestion.

  8. Kate M. says:

    I like that “go quietly into the night”. I recently had a guy from Match who I went out w/a few times, no spark whatsoever, but I did enjoy his conversation. Then he came out with the “I don’t see any long-term potential here”. Me neither, but still…*ouch*. Oh well, cheers to moving forward in 2013! Happy New Year to you Wendy.

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