First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

filed in Daily Life

Brilliance!

August 19, 2013 ⋅  Email This Post ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

Thanks so much to everyone who entered our latest contest with submissions that were honest, wise and compelling. Two of you will be receiving copies of Dear Life, Alice Munro’s wonderful new collection of stories.

Congratulations to Latarsha, who had the fortitude to help her Mom take one step forward, and to RS for such searing eloquence.   

Latarsha:

My mother never did anything by herself until about a decade ago. She never lived on her own until she and my dad got divorced 23 years ago. She never vacations alone, takes road trips, goes to a concert, has dinner, nothing. If she can’t find someone to go with her, then she’s not going. It’s not that I think she’s missing out on the perceived joys of oneness, rather her enjoyment of life is predicated on the availability of others which I think short-changes your own interests and desires. In comparison, I’ve lived alone since I was 23, taken vacations by myself, moved four or five times to different cities and states without knowing anyone, made friends, advanced a career and am doing just fine. About 10, 12 years ago, she told me she wanted to see a certain movie but none of her friends could go so she was going to wait for it to come out on DVD. I told her “Why can’t you go by yourself?” and she acted like I told her she should set herself on fire. Then I told her “Why should you not see a movie you want to see just because your friends can’t go with you? You’re in the dark and you’re not supposed to talk during a movie anyway so why do you need anyone with you?” Now she’ll go to the movies alone but that’s it!

RS:

I have struggled with anxiety much of my life, starting with my earliest childhood. I was a very anxious child. I was afraid of leaves. I know. Don’t ask – what kind of answer could I give? I was an anxious adolescent and an anxious young adult. I went through a very difficult time when I was in my mid 20′s, thought I was cracking up, and spent some very helpful time talking with a good shrink, after which the crisis passed, the clouds parted, and the sun started to shine in my life again. I have been blessed with a happy, productive adult life. Now, the thing about parents is I think it takes awhile before we are even capable of perceiving them as ordinary human beings and not gods and goddesses. My dear mother is now 90 years old and I have had a revelation over the past 20 years or so. I have come to realize that my mother is the most anxious person I ever met. The fruit does not fall far from the tree! My mom has great courage and has never stopped working or fighting or living – especially when it came to caring for her family – but the poor woman has always approached life with a profound anxiety and fear. And one day it occurred to me that I perhaps did not have to look far to see where I might have learned to be so anxious myself. I love my mom and she is the best mother in the world. But this is one legacy I have had to say no to. I reject the anxiety that beckons to stifle my life and my joy with fear. Or, rather, maybe “reject” is the wrong word. Say rather that I practice daily saying “yes” to the natural anxieties and uncertainties that are the price of living and try to make my peace with them, thereby removing their power to rob me of life.

Illustration by Marc Johns

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