filed in Sex and Dating
What Would It Take?
I came of age in an era when tumbling into bed with the occasional stranger was not unusual or scorned. We were far from home, exploring the bounds of sexuality, and didn’t worry much about transmittable diseases. Ah, the simplicity of youth! These days, I’ve accumulated a laundry list of requirements and it would take a lot more than a few movies or a museum visit (like my last date) to win me over. Is that a sign of progress, or not?
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I find that different circumstances and how the chemistry feels impact my action or inaction and the timeframe. Nothing is set in stone.
Does that make you more or less hopeful?
Depends on the day. I try to just stick with what’s actually happening versus what I think I want to occur. Hopefully that cuts down on my projecting. It’s not always easy but does help. Also, it seems to help me stay open for the unexpected and I like that.
Staying open for the unexpected is a wonderful plan. I appreciate hearing that.
When I was younger it was pretty easy to get me into bed because I treated sex like a board game and my sexuality like a superpower. Then I got alittle older and shut that sort of behavior down but perhaps to the extreme. Now that I’m in my 40s, I would not be against the occasional tumble in the sack with someone I am only marginally acquainted with.
A few months ago I was pretty content with the idea of taking on a regular friends with benefits and I know that was something I wouldn’t have even remotely considered even five years ago. My position on the topic has changed because I was curious why I felt like sex was something I had to “save” for the right person or after certain boxes had been checked. It’s the rationing of natural human desire and response that gave me pause. This is my sexuality so why not enjoy it in the manner and with the person (or people) that would give me the most pleasure? The opposite just seems like a form of self-punishment.
Really like you last sentences Latarsha.
Latarsha, you’re inspiring me.
I like your approach. Life is short. Here’s to fun.
Thanks!
A friend of mine is a fan of the philosopher Seneca and he posted recently posted this on his FB wall. I’m trying hard to live the last two words:
“Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. You are arranging what lies in Fortune’s control, and abandoning what lies in yours. What are you looking at? To what goal are you straining? The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.”
Beautiful quote. Learning to live gracefully with uncertainty is a great skill.
I like the idea of taking some situations by the reins, and not being a victim of fortune. However, when it comes to sex, I’ve learned a few hard lessons.
For one thing, there are a TON of men who are married/with a girlfriend/otherwise taken in some form who are looking for a so-called side girl. Some of them go to great lengths to conceal the truth from women. They know that there are plenty of single women they can play on. To beat them at their own game, we have only one recourse: withhold sex until we are sure they are single and committed to us.
Now if you’re looking for a hookup for a friends-with-benefits deal, then by all means, do what thou wilt. But for those of us who still want to fall in love, cross your legs, sisters. I’m not saying you need to adhere to a month-long rule or a 90-day rule, just keep them closed until you’re sure that the man you’re seeing loves you and is making time for you. Some things in life are worth putting on hold, especially in our severely screwed-up dating world.
I appreciate your sharing this point of view.