First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

Husband Benefits Pie Chart

FINDING THE PERKS ELSEWHERE

I waited (and waited) for that husband who never arrived. Finally I got tired of doing without the benefits I’d been told only husbands could bring and made a list of what I was missing. My married girlfriends say I’ve imagined a dream spouse who exists only in old movies. I say it’s a good place to start. Once I identified what I wanted–sublime to ridiculous–I began to figure out where else these needs could be met.

COMPANIONSHIP

The day-to-day
Family and work events
Weddings
Vacations
Holidays
Birthdays
Meal time
Movies and Entertainment

PHYSICAL INTIMACY

Sex
Affection
Foot massage (do husbands actually do that?)

FITTING IN

With peers and colleagues
With family
In society

CHILDREN

Carrying on the genes
Bragging rights
Grandchildren
Extended family
Old age care

HEAVY LIFTING

Moving furniture
Opening jars with tight lids
Breaking up cardboard boxes for recycling
Lifting luggage into the plane’s overhead bin

JEWELRY
Surprise gifts
Fastening clasps I can’t reach

FINANCES
Home ownership
Sharing costs
Retirement

YOUR PIE CHART (Percentages may vary)

What would the perfect husband bring to your life?
1) Make a list. Be thorough.
2) Put the list into categories
3) Assign percentages
4) Slice the pie
5) Where else can you get what you’re looking for?

50-50 by Langston Hughes

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Happy Birthday Gloria Steinem

Ms. Gloria Steinem, who founded Ms. Magazine in 1972, was one of the most visible faces of feminism in the 20th century. She turns 75 today, March 25. My favorite of her many quotable remarks: “Some of us are becoming the men we want to marry.”

The Hunt for Red Meat

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Fannie Farmer: Mother of Level Measurements

Fannie Farmer was born on March 23, 1857. See why she’s my first inductee in the Single Women’s Hall of Fame.

A Saturday Night, In

“To be wedded to an idea may be, after all, the holiest and happiest of marriages.”
Elizabeth Cady Stanton reflecting on why Susan B. Anthony never married.

Saturday night alone. I don’t mind it. I prefer not dealing with traffic and parking. I’m content cooking for myself. I walk outside to the garden, pick some basil and make spaghetti with pesto. It doesn’t take long and I prepare enough so I’ll have leftovers for another meal. This Saturday night, I’m in my sweats and flip-flops. No make-up. No one to size me up or down. When did it happen that women could relax about their marital status? Who paved the way? Continue reading »

Everyone in the Pool

In a fashionable restaurant where I used to work as a waitress, I had an ongoing pool with two of my colleagues. We were a gabby bunch, chatting our way through six-hour shifts. But conversations had to be punchy, twenty seconds here and there, squeezed in between customers, which is why we started the sex pool. Continue reading »

What makes us happy?

COCONUT

by Paul Hostovsky (From Bird in the Hand, Grayson books)

Bear with me I
want to tell you
something about
happiness
it’s hard to get at
but the thing is
I wasn’t looking
I was looking
somewhere else
when my son found it 
in the fruit section
and came running
holding it out
in his small hands
asking me what 
it was and could we
keep it it only
cost 99 cents
hairy and brown
hard as a rock
and something swishing
around inside
and what on earth
and where on earth
and this was happiness
this little ball
of interest beating
inside his chest
this interestedness
beaming out
from his face pleading
happiness
and because I wasn’t
happy I said
to put it back
because I didn’t want it 
because we didn’t need it
and because he was happy
he started to cry
right there in aisle
five so when we
got home we
put it in the middle
of the kitchen table
and sat on either
side of it and began
to consider how
to get inside of it