filed in Happy Ever After
Husband Benefits Pie Chart
FINDING THE PERKS ELSEWHERE
I waited (and waited) for that husband who never arrived. Finally I got tired of doing without the benefits I’d been told only husbands could bring and made a list of what I was missing. My married girlfriends say I’ve imagined a dream spouse who exists only in old movies. I say it’s a good place to start. Once I identified what I wanted–sublime to ridiculous–I began to figure out where else these needs could be met.
COMPANIONSHIP
The day-to-day
Family and work events
Weddings
Vacations
Holidays
Birthdays
Meal time
Movies and Entertainment
PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Sex
Affection
Foot massage (do husbands actually do that?)
FITTING IN
With peers and colleagues
With family
In society
CHILDREN
Carrying on the genes
Bragging rights
Grandchildren
Extended family
Old age care
HEAVY LIFTING
Moving furniture
Opening jars with tight lids
Breaking up cardboard boxes for recycling
Lifting luggage into the plane’s overhead bin
JEWELRY
Surprise gifts
Fastening clasps I can’t reach
FINANCES
Home ownership
Sharing costs
Retirement
YOUR PIE CHART (Percentages may vary)
What would the perfect husband bring to your life?
1) Make a list. Be thorough.
2) Put the list into categories
3) Assign percentages
4) Slice the pie
5) Where else can you get what you’re looking for?
Discussion
4 comments for “Husband Benefits Pie Chart”
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I was married once. He left me so that he could sleep around.
I have a long-term partner now, and the thought of getting married again fills me with dread.
As for the husband pie chart, it never seems to turn out as you had hoped: my partner was made jobless for a while and so became a financial strain on us, he has a job now but barely makes anything and does not contribute to our expenses; we rarely have time for intimacy given how intrusive our youngest child is at the moment, and most of the time I would just rather spend my spare time by myself given his bad temper.
The jewelery, I have all bought myself for myself because he doesn’t want to waste what little money he has. When I ask him to lift heavy furniture, he grumbles about it. As for fitting in, I don’t socialize with people any more than you do, even us couples don’t enjoy spending time with each other much given how draining work and kids are.
I have had long-term romantic partners in life, and have still felt very much alone.
I appreciate your sharing this perspective!
What a lovely idea to draw a husband benefits chart. It is pretty accurate I’d say. I meet all those criteria (yeah!), and as for heavy lifting you can even add things like renovating bathrooms, building a home, upgrading the kitchen and cooking for you. And yes, husbands like me do massage their spouses’ feet, which in my world is the ultimate act of devotion.
But the chart lacks the magic ingredient: Event if I tick all the boxes, it doesn’t mean that the relationship is a happy one. Mine isn’t.
It is all about love, attention and feeling good in each other’s presence. That’s the core and all the benefit aspects in that chart are just a manifestation of that inner healthy core of a beautiful relationship. To get there means to let go of many hopes, dreams, expectations… and fears. The ultimate relationship benefit is to be vulnerable.
Beautifully said. Thanks for sharing.