filed in Happy Ever After
Disappointed? What Else is New?
After returning from Colorado with a tweaked back and another tale of unfulfilled romance, I transitioned through the usual stages of grief, from “what’s wrong with me,” to “why not ME.” There was a time I would have lingered much longer in each phase. Now I move right through them. And for that, I thank my mother.
She was a master of disappointment. She was disappointed not to finish college, not to get the quality of employment she deserved. She was disappointed that her immigrant parents, who owned a grocery store on the lower east side of Manhattan, didn’t have time for her. She hated that her legs were too thick for her tiny waist. (All valid, by the way.) But her loudest and most long-standing lament was saved for me. She was disappointed that I didn’t marry and give her grandchildren.
With that as my mother’s relentless complaint, we lost a chance for a close relationship. But it taught me a powerful lesson. Don’t be bullied by disappointment. You’ll miss the good stuff.
Last night at a lively dinner with friends, I shared my recent saga of unrequited love. Driving home it hit me. Even though my Colorado trip didn’t result in a happy ending, I was lucky to have had an adventure and a juicy story to brag about. For today, that’s my happy ending. Bad back and all.
(Photo: Cape Disappointment, a real place in the state of Washington, with one of the largest number of hours of fog in the U.S.)
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4 comments for “Disappointed? What Else is New?”
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That would be really hard to deal with if my mom were hounding me to get married and have children. It’s hard for me, as another generation (and possibly different cultural roots) to understand. I *do* understand the angst of the thick legs and tiny waist, though. Been there. = )
Christina
[…] few days ago, I posted about my mother, and her overzealous campaign for me to find a husband. (For the record, in almost […]
I am fortunate that my parents don’t seem to be disappointed that I’m not married. Concerned a little, maybe.
But peer pressure. That is a whole other story.
Still, for me, its the stories that count. I love stories even if they’re not traditional “love stories” I see love in them.
We have enough disappointments in our own lives without taking on other people’s. It can be so hard to resist doing so when it’s a parent’s disappointment, though. I’m really glad to hear that you were able to get out from under the burden she placed on you!
I try to look at my own past dating life in the way you’re now choosing to look at yours. Rather than see it as a failure, I think of the remarkable opportunities I had to get to know some fascinating people and do some really fun things with them.
BTW, thank you for identifying that photo as Cape Disappointment. I have a bit of an obsession with lighthouses and was just about to ask!