filed in Daily Life, What Gets Me Through the Day
Why I Learned to Love the Wedding Shower
Yes, on most mornings, if forced to review my life and say thank you, I can turn a foul mood around. But the serenity may not last. Eventually I have to go on with the day. In my case that means driving in L.A. traffic, which is enough to make me hate my fellow citizen, until I remember to breathe, and be grateful for paved roads. And that’s how my system works. One minute grouchy, the next minute full of appreciation. A recent root canal was the ultimate test.
There are the opposite times, when I start off buoyant, and get ambushed by an “unmarried booby trap” and have to claw my way back.
Last night was a perfect example. Before heading out to dinner at a favorite restaurant, I noticed among my email, a “save the date” announcement for a wedding shower of a family friend. (This points to a good rule: Don’t check email unless you’re okay with altering your happy mood). For the obvious reason, I’m not a fan of weddings–though love is always good to celebrate and find vicarious thrill in–and even less so, bridal showers. I picture women crammed onto sofas, ogling obscene lingerie and crock pots. It’s a throwback to an era when we were virgins and soon-to-be domestic goddesses needing the generosity of others to supply our first set of cookware. (Seriously, though, I could use a new Cuisinart.)
I’ve been working on how best to send my regrets. Isn’t there some meeting or social event I must go to, or a haircut with that overbooked stylist that’s been on the calendar for months. Is it possible to just say no, by brazenly admitting that wedding showers make me feel bad?
We all know that I will attend this anachronistic rite. I will make it pleasurable, or at least a teachable moment. Maybe the food will be good, though the bride is practically a vegan. My hope is, if I can turn a root canal into a positive experience, why not a joyous occasion of a loved one.
Discussion
4 comments for “Why I Learned to Love the Wedding Shower”
Leave a Reply
About this Site
FIRST PERSON SINGULAR is a guide to surviving, thriving and sometimes just getting through a single day. Created by Wendy Braitman (more…)
Follow First Person Singular
Greatest Hits
If I can strip down all the stuff that I hate about showers of all kinds (the consumerism, the pretense, the sexism, the lame entertainment and the fake ooooh-and-ahhhs) I realize that showers are about showering the person in love.
I don’t believe in buying gift wrap. So I wrap the present in other paper that I have sitting around the house and I make them beautiful. I think about how much I love the recipient. Nothing more. I don’t think about the traditions or anything else.
I either buy straight off the registry without thinking (I just get the 1st item I see in my price range) or I give something memorable and truly unique which has nothing to do with the traditional fare.
So I guess I cope by shutting it all out and just thinking of the individual and the community that we share. By the end of the event I am tired but I feel it was energy well spent.
Best luck with your shower!!
I’m no fan of showers, either, bridal or baby. In general, I find them boring unless I know a lot of people there, and the older I get, the more out of place I feel as the conversation revolves around whose two-year-old got accepted into an Ivy League preschool and who got a new diamond ring for her anniversary. To be honest, I really couldn’t care less about watching the bride unwrap a bunch of towels, pots and pans, and picture frames.
But I try to look at it in the same way that Singlutionary does, and I love how perfectly she expressed it. The way I see it, a friend is celebrating a special event in her life, something important to her, and I’m showing her that I’m happy she’s happy and supporting her dreams. I truly believe if I threw a self-commitment party, registered for gifts, and invited all the women I’d given wedding presents to over the years, they would do the same for me.
First of all, Ivy League preschool? Seriously? Let’s put the pressure on little Dick and Jane before they’re able to speak in complete sentences. My God, we have lost our everloving minds.
Showers…huh. I don’t mind them too much. I guess because I’m like the seniour senator in the room, the wise Earth Mother who smiles and just reminds the young women not to lose themselves in the process of sharing their lives and raising a family. That’s all. Just remember who you are and don’t lose yourself. I’m may be thinking to myself – you’ll be sorry, but I never say it. She’ll find out soon enough, and if she really does wind up with her happily ever after, good for her.
[…] Before heading out to dinner at a favorite restaurant, I noticed among my email, a “ save the date ” announcement for a wedding shower of a family friend. (This points to a good rule: Don’t check email unless you’re okay with altering …Continue Reading […]