First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

I’m Looking For A Few Good Men

I’m about to start an experiment, and I need your support. My close friend (who is gay and a lot younger than me, but I’m hoping that’s not relevant here) met an attractive, smart and available man on Match.com. I HATE MATCH.COM. My cycles with them are depressing. Sound familiar? After exhausting my sources for fix-ups, and running out of activities where I might meet someone new, I’m stuck back at Match.com, where I barely get a response (except for the guy winking at me from Texas who looks like a felon), which chips away at my self esteem, until I swear off dating sites forever. I’ve been told by “experts” not to take it personally. (One of those experts has been happily married for 37 years. When was the last time he had to hunt for a date?) Match keeps emailing “eligible” men every week, even though I haven’t been registered for years. I can’t press the delete key fast enough. Yes. I have a lousy attitude, but I say, I’ve earned it.

Here’s where the experiment comes in. After I post this today, I’m going on Match to review all possible candidates. I’ll relax my usual age and geographic perimeters a little. (No, Texas, you’re still not eligible.) And if I find at least 3 men that I want to get in touch with, I’ll register for 6 months.

I hate Match.com. But if I rant about the experience here, it might give me stamina to survive another round.

More tomorrow.

Six Girls Seeking Shelter

This sublime movie poster, “Six Girls Seeking Shelter,” was created in 1929 by Russian artists, Georgii and Vladimir Stenberg. It reminds me of the painting The Black Dress, by Alex Katz, which I loved so much that I used it as the header for my site. I wonder if Katz was influenced, directly or indirectly, by this poster. Do you see a link?

Who Are Your Next of Kin?

Since talking about end of life issues has become all the rage, or let me say this another way, since raging about end of life issues has become all the talk, I’m adding my thoughts, at least as it’s relevant to this site.

On my desk, until a few months ago, I had a bright orange post-it with the word, WILL written on it, as a day-glo reminder that I wanted to get my “affairs” in order. There was no urgency, but that’s exactly the point. I should be doing this now, when the reality is theoretical and hopefully far in the future (like landing a spacecraft on Mars.)  But I couldn’t figure it out.     Continue reading »

Anyone Want to Dance?

I should be happy, right? My fall calendar is already packed with social events; a wedding, bridal shower, Bat Mitzvah, big birthday celebration, and all the accompanying side bars. I need a buffer. A plus one, with whom I can carpool (no one should drive alone at night from Malibu after a few drinks), sit next to, dance and stand on the sidelines to gossip about what people are wearing. Did I say gossip?

The last wedding I attended was a black tie family affair in New York. I was all dolled up, seated with cousins, my brother and his wife. Everyone else at the table had a spouse. Not a perfect arrangement, but I was relaxed. The trouble began when the bride and groom were summoned for their first dance. “Grab your partner,” the emcee bellowed, and nearly all of the guests got up for a spin. The only ones left sitting were the old ladies and me. I felt shame rise like heat up the back of my neck. “Never again,” I swore.

The good news in this story (apart from two great party dresses ready for a whirl), is that my West coast family is eclectic, a mix of straight and gay, married and single. I won’t stand out as much in this crowd, but it still would be nice to have a dance partner.

Is There Technique to Finding a Soul Mate?

Within the last week, by coincidence, or a hint of destiny, two different “relationship” books have found their way to my desk;  Internet Dating is Not Like Ordering Pizza, and the more alluring of the two titles,  How to Make Someone Fall in Love with You in 90 Minutes.

My desk isn’t that big, so confronted with these bold messages day after day, I submitted, and opened them. I’ve had two romances this year, though neither bloomed, and I’ve been dreading the idea of re-registering with match.com, which makes me the perfect, vulnerable candidate for guidance. And who doesn’t have 90 minutes to spare? Scanning these how-to books got me wondering about the usefulness of the genre. Could they possibly work? Is finding a soul mate as simple as following some friendly advice?

What about you? Have you learned something handy from how-to books, dating or otherwise?

Photo by Ferdinando Scianna, New York City, 1986.

A Single Woman’s Guide to Eating Well

One of the key elements of thriving in single life is to feel taken care of, even if that means taking care of ourselves. What parts of daily living can we actually influence and make better? If not a soul mate, how about soulful food.

For those truly content heating up a fast-food dinner and consuming it leaning on the kitchen counter, this post is probably not for you. I’m reverential when it comes to meals. It’s the easiest way I know to nurture myself (other than seasonal shoe shopping). Eating dinner alone at home, for example, I use cloth napkins instead of paper. They’re not a big deal to wash (no ironing. I’m not that crazy), and I feel pampered and more eco-friendly because of it.

Here are five “Eating Single Survival Tips.” PLEASE ADD TO THIS LIST, whether it’s a favorite place in your hometown to grab a bite for one, or a signature dish you’re willing to share.

Continue reading »

Why I Learned to Love the Wedding Shower

Yes, on most mornings, if forced to review my life and say thank you, I can turn a foul mood around. But the serenity may not last. Eventually I have to go on with the day. In my case that means driving in L.A. traffic, which is enough to make me hate my fellow citizen, until I remember to breathe, and be grateful for paved roads. And that’s how my system works. One minute grouchy, the next minute full of appreciation. A recent root canal was the ultimate test.

There are the opposite times, when I start off buoyant, and get ambushed by an “unmarried booby trap” and have to claw my way back.

Continue reading »

What To Do To Wake Up Happy

Each morning, I start the day with a similar routine. I wake up groggy, remove my eyeshades, stretch out my arms and legs while still in bed, and rub the belly of my dog, that is if she’s not already on the floor barking for a walk, in which case my routine moves quickly. It doesn’t take long, just a few seconds of consciousness, for anxiety to kick in. Name a topic. I could be worrying about money, health, success, will he call me, how to jam everything in that I need to get done, did I close the window in my car last night, and if not, have the sprinklers soaked my front seat? Then I remember to say thank you. For the sunlight pouring in, for a strong body, for my beautiful pets, for a brimming schedule, for that last romantic encounter, even if it did not result in an enduring love (at least I had sex, really glad for that!), for a green lawn in the desert, for a sturdy car, for life.

What is your morning ritual?

Joan Rivers as “Spinster Aunt?” Please Explain

I’m still surprised when outdated spinster references show up in prominent newspapers. Today I emailed Mike Hale, from the New York Times, asking him to clarify this, from his review of Joan River’s new television show, “How’d You Get So Rich?

Ms. Rivers, long one of the smartest, funniest and nastiest people on television, officially enters her dotage with this six-episode series…On “How’d You Get So Rich?” she’s the slightly out-of-it spinster aunt, trailing self-made millionaires…through their highly manicured homes and asking how much the carpets cost.

(Spinster aunt emphasis is mine) Dotage or not, I don’t get what Joan Rivers–a public figure with an enormous fan base, who has been married twice, with a child, a grandchild and a business empire–has to do with a spinster aunt. What does that term mean today, anyway?

Please help me understand. What was Mike Hale thinking?

Why I Get Cozy With A Magazine

My two favorite magazines, Cook’s Illustrated and The New Yorker, arrived today. I was comforted seeing them nestled together on the floor, underneath my mail slot. I knew in the days ahead if there were moments when I didn’t have anyone to occupy my time, they would be around to keep me company.

At least a few times a week, I make myself a salad for dinner, so I’m always on the lookout for the perfect vinaigrette. Check out the new issue of Cook’s Illustrated, whose recipes I can count on, like the most reliable friend:

Foolproof Vinaigrette

Makes about 1/4 cup, enough to dress 8 to 10 cups lightly packed greens.

Ingredients

1 tablespoon wine vinegar
1-1/2 teaspoon very finely minced shallot
1/2 teaspoon mayonnaise
1/8 teaspoon salt
Ground black pepper
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Instructions

1. Combine vinegar, shallot, mayonnaise, mustard, salt, and pepper to taste in small nonreactive bowl. Whisk until mixture is milky in appearance and no lumps of mayonnaise remain.

2. Place oil in small measuring cup so that it is easy to pour. Whisking constantly, very slowly drizzle oil into vinegar mixture. If pools of oil are gathering on surface as you whisk, stop addition of oil and whisk mixture well to combine, then resume whisking in oil in slow stream. Vinaigrette should be glossy and lightly thickened, with no pools of oil on its surface.