filed in Sex and Dating
Monday Morning Recap of a Blind Date
As a policy, I don’t post running commentary on the men I’m dating. (Details leading up to a first encounter, on the other hand, are fair game.) But what about the men I’m not dating?
Case in point. Over the weekend, I was “fixed up,” and it seemed to go surprisingly well. As soon as he walked in, I felt relaxed, like I knew I could be myself. The evening was filled with lively conversation, which came easily; we had many shared interests (important ones like food, movies and art) and hours passed by as if they were minutes. Plus, I thought he was cute.
When I phoned the “matchmaker” this morning asking for the scoop, there was an awkward silence on the other end. “We didn’t really talk about it,” my friend answered hesitantly. “That couldn’t be true. I mean, I know you’re two guys,” I blurted out. “But he said nothing about me?!” “Well,” my friend replied, almost in a mumble, “I’m not sure it’s going anywhere. He thinks you’re too smart for him.” Oh, no, not that again. I hustled myself off the phone. The thing is, I’m not too smart for him. So it’s code. But for what?
(The illustration above is of a real notepad, part of a line of products from Smart Women)
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6 comments for “Monday Morning Recap of a Blind Date”
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You might be too smart for him. He might like dumb women. And that makes him dumb. So now you’re obviously too smart!
So sorry. I feel the sinking feeling.
It’s probably not about you, but I think you’re smart(!) to ask the question: What IS it about? Susan Page’s book, If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? has an interesting chapter where you try to get a good look at what you may be doing to put people off. She suggests you ask a dear, trusted friend: What is one thing you think I don’t know about myself? or, If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
Me, I have a smart-alecky mouth that I usually consider charmingly feisty, but some folks see it as brusque, dismissive, and mean. So, screw ’em! (Just kidding.) Anyway, live and learn. What wise old women we will be.
PS: It couldn’t have been what you wore, could it? And what was that? Did I miss the post on that?
What kind of man would say, “She’s too smart for me,” whether it’s a line or not? If he can say that out loud then he must consider high intelligence an acceptable excuse for not being interested in a woman. Even as a line to get off the hook I find his comment SO offensive. The guy should be ashamed. It’s like saying, “She’s not white enough for me,” or “Her rack is too small.” Even if you’re thinking it, you should have sense enough to try and hide it from other people because you don’t want them to realize what a moronic bigot you are.
Your comments are making me feel so much better. A million thanks!!!
In response to Sixty and Single in Seattle’s question about what I ended up wearing on the date – I went with jeans and boots, definitely the right choice. And no matter what HE thought, I felt sexy and relaxed.
– wendy
I can’t believe he actually said that! Ugh! Of course, he probably didn’t expect his friend to repeat it verbatim, but still! I have to say…what a loser if he recognized a smart cookie and didn’t want her!
Actually, I suspect that when s msn says a woman is “too smart,” what he might mean is that he doesn’t think he can match either her sophistication, education, experience, or intelligence. It’s sad because his own insecurity gets in the way of what could be a great relationship! But, on the other hand, I know that when I’ve felt mismatched with a partner, the strain of trying to operate on their level took a toll on the way I felt about them. It wasn’t their fault; it’s just hard to be in a relationship when you don’t feel on equal footing.
The bottom line is that the right guy for you won’t find you intimidating, overwhelming, or “too smart.” He’ll love your intellect, enjoy the challenge, and want more!