filed in Sex and Dating
Never Call a Man?
Essayist Jane O’Reilly discussing the proper 1960 etiquette in When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present by Gail Collins:
The one absolutely unbreakable rule, guiding and controlling all contacts with the opposite sex, was never call a man.
Here it is 2010, yet some things never change. Out of all the straight men in my circle, I know of only one who likes when a woman initiates a date (and Miguel, I love you for that!) Others pay lip service to it, but they don’t honestly view it as appealing. I’m naturally proactive, finding it much easier to act than wait for someone else to, which has been a boon to my career, but not to my dating life. After years of testing the theory (sometimes painfully so) I’ve ultimately decided that sitting on my hands, and not bolting to make the call, gives me a lot more information (like, are they really into me.) Yes, I’ve adapted my instincts. But please don’t misunderstand. This is NOT a rule. Just a strategy.
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Yeah. I’ve adapted my instincts too. But I don’t like it. I feel trapped by this strategy. I’d prefer not to strategize. Which is why I’m single!
Yes, call me old-fashioned but I won’t make the first phone call.it’s been my experience that guys don’t respond well to gals initiating the contact. If they don’t call, they are just not that into me or they just aren’t brave enough to begin with. Even if they say they think it’s a great idea, they subconsciously don’t mean it.
It’s kind of like people saying they prefer the driest Champagne, but when blind tasted they always select the sweeter style as their favorite. They say they prefer dry because they think that is what is expected of them to be considered someone possesing knowledge and good taste. This of course couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s all lip service to attempt creating the desired impression.
Cheers!
Yes, I’m sitting on my hands at this very moment — well, not while I type, of course — hoping a certain man will get around to asking me out. He’s a dancer. I told him once, while we danced, that I felt embarrassed to be alone when the lights came on in the theater after Up in the Air, and he said, I should give you my email and you can call me next time you need someone for a movie. I smiled. (thinking, Ask for MY email….) A few weeks and dances later I asked him the name of the nice cafe in his town where I’d accidentally run into him once when I was cycling with a guy. Later he said, If you were cycling solo, I could meet you for lunch at that place, if you wanted to. And I said, “Oh, I’m generally cycling solo.”
So close, but no cigar. I keep repeating to myself John Gray’s advice: A man needs to feel his need for a woman.
And yes, I agree, Wendy: If he won’t even ask me out, he’s not into me.