First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

An Inconvenient Romance

A few years ago when I was traveling a lot for work, I got used to the hassle of transit – flight delays, misplaced luggage, a lost passport and perhaps hardest of all, a makeup case left behind (which sent me immediately upon landing to the Lancome counter of the nearest department store.) It’s the same way when you’re single long enough, and you realize you’ve been through what feels like every manner of inconvenient romance – from bi-coastal to bi-lingual, bi-sexual, sexually impotent, emotionally impotent and the all-too-ordinary yet wrenching romance with a married man (or woman). Love with animals by comparison seems entirely sane.

Image: Forbidden Romance by Leia Bell

Are We Single Because We’re Different?

Last night, I participated in the annual ritual of the Seder (meaning “order”), during which Jews around the world are obliged to re-tell one of the greatest liberation stories ever told. There were 24 guests at the lively dinner I was invited to, 8 of whom were teenaged or younger, along with their parents, and a set of grandparents. I was the only unmarried adult in the room. I’ve been in this situation many times, but it still pierces my heart, as I look around at lives that look similar to mine, but, in so many ways, are not. Intrinsic to the Seder is the asking of questions. So I’ll throw one into the mix: Are we single because we’re different, or different because we’re single?

Image: Grosse Dame, 2007, by Christoph Ruckhäberle

Could You Live Without a Tub?

It’s barely Monday, and already my shoulders are clenched way up into my neck, which is not a good way to start the work week. I try to use the weekend to re-charge, but this last one got away from me. If I had a few extra hours, I’d drive to Beverly Hot Springs for a relaxing soak in their natural mineral baths. My humble tub at home also works as a sanctuary, and is one of the few places I can count on for quality down time. So it was a surprise to hear about two (male) friends who built themselves new bathrooms, with showers only. What say you, men?!

Image: Bubble Bath, 2010, Dhruvi Acharya. See her work at Kravets/Wehby Gallery until April 2.

Taking the Road Less Traveled

Maybe you were forced to read The Road Not Taken when you were a kid, and could care less. But today, really read it. It’s Robert Frost’s birthday.     Continue reading »

How Do You Feel About Being Single?

I’m a Loser, I’m Not Married, Let’s Just All Look at Me is the snappy title of a new study by university researchers Lawrence Ganong and Elizabeth Sharp, describing the pressures on women who have reached their mid-thirties without marrying. Ganong and Sharp conducted 32 interviews with middle class women, who complained (and this won’t shock you) about feeling invisible, while at the same time, TOO NOTICEABLE, among their married friends and family. Enough about that. On a more empowering note, I’m searching for delicious restaurants in Venice for my upcoming trip to Italy. Recommendations welcome.

Image by Daniel Everett. His work will be exhibited at Chicago’s Museum of Contemporary Art beginning April 3.

The Hazards of Makeup and Infidelity

Update to 10 Reasons to Stay Away from Married Men:

Spoken by a sobbing Shirley MacLaine in Billy Wilder’s fantastic movie, The Apartment:

“When you’re in love with a married man, you shouldn’t wear mascara.”

The Ultimate Chocolate Cookie

Dessert is my number one food group. The best home baker I know served Chocolate Sparkle cookies at a recent dinner party, and I pleaded for the recipe. They’re easy to make, but the batter requires overnight refrigeration, so be sure to plan ahead. And since there’s no flour involved, tote these gooey confections to a Passover Seder next week, and you will be a rock star.

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Table for Six (+ One)

I have no one to blame but myself. No one put a gun to my head, and insisted I invite six people to the house on dinner this Saturday, when not one of them is an intimate friend, and enough are vegetarians that I’m obligated to cook a meatless meal (not my strong suit). What I’m really wrestling with is the seating arrangement at my rectangular table, because you see, the six are in fact three married couples, and then of course, there’s me. I’m open to suggestions.

Image: Still Life Polaroid by Andy Warhol

Who Has Your Back?

Inside my marriage fantasy, there is a husband steadfastly devoted to my well being. I try not to dwell on this, when I’m feeling lonely, as it’s a direct road to self-pity. So I turn to one of my heroes, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, a pioneer of women’s rights (and a wife) who said, “Whatever the theories may be of woman’s dependence on man, in the supreme moments of her life, he cannot bear her burdens.” And yet, on the morning my father died, William my closest friend held me close, and with steadfast devotion, whispered, “What can I do for you today? What do you need?”

Photo: DNA by Viviane Sassen at Danziger Projects now through April 10.

Is Being Mysterious an Aphrodisiac?

Last night, I went to one of my favorite cultural spots, the ALOUD series at the downtown library, to hear a conversation with the novelist, Tim O’Brien. In person, O’Brien, who writes about his experiences in the Vietnam War, is a compelling mix of yin-yang, at the same time gruff and tender. He talked about the importance of mystery in storytelling, “When you learn the riddle of a person,” he said, “you’ve been married one day too long.” What is the role of mystery in romance? Whatever it is, I’m not good at it. And it doesn’t seem to be a personality trait you can cultivate, despite what some dating books suggest. When someone asks me out for a Friday night on Thursday, I just can’t pretend that my schedule is all booked up. Do mysterious women (and men) have better love lives?

If you’re looking for a feisty read about trying to find love (and often settling for sex), check out a new book by Julie Klausner, I Don’t Care About Your Band.

Photograph by Irving Penn