filed in Daily Life
Who Do You Love?
A woman I know is battling stage IV cancer. With deference to Christopher Hitchens, who is troubled by using “battle” in this context, whatever you call it, it’s fierce. Despite the grim circumstances, my friend remains amazingly upbeat, posting frequently on a blog provided by the hospital. Her cheerful updates put my petty gripes in perspective. A few days ago, she expressed gratitude for having one of the essential components of a happy life – “someone to love.” Reading this, I was jolted out of my humility. SomeONE to love? Is that the recipe? If so, I’m screwed.
Image: I Promise To Love You, Tracey Emin, 2010
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I have to admit I am concerned that the special “someone to love” is the vital element missing from my life. I love my family, my dog, and my friends, but I have a vacillating sense that I am missing a core essential experience in life.
I always thought the words ‘battle’ and ‘fight’ to refer to people’s experience of having cancer were tiresome media cliches until my father was diagnosed (and died from) cancer. Then I realised not only how apt the adversaial terminology is, but also how hard it was to find acceptable alternatives.
I’m also screwed if having someone to love is the vital ingredient of a happy life. I used to be happy single, but more recently (since my father died, which I suspect isn’t just a coincidence) it feels like I’m missing out. Sigh.
It took a few years after my father died to feel happy again. And now, on most days, I do, even without the “one.”