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Please Don’t Expect Me at Your Baby Shower
How unfair is it that men get off the hook for the baby shower? Are we supposed to assume that women innately like this kind of thing? The last one I attended was over a year ago, but the experience is seared into my memory, and not in a good way. For entertainment, baby food jars were passed around, and we had to guess whether the green stuff was puréed spinach or peas. I came in last place in that “game,” which is really hard for an over achiever. (Scrabble, anyone?) I’ve consulted with the mom-to-be, who admits it’s all about the gifts. So thanks, but no thanks. I’ll be sending my best wishes and present through the mail.
Illustration: Friends, 2010, Antonio Ladrillo
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Showers in general are offensive. I think they made more sense in a less privledged society where people were given very basic things that they needed to prepare for the baby. But I don’t actually know if showers existed then. When did this “shower” concept come into being?
I did have one good experience at the shower of a lovely academic friend of mine. She is in her 30s and was having her first child after being mostly done with her PhD. It was a graciously hosted brunch at a nice restauarant and was a wonderful treat for everyone invited. There were gifts, of course, but mostly it was about spending some time with cool women.
I had been dreading it but I was delightfully surprised.
I feel the same way about bridal showers. Can we just let go of the archaic tradition of passing around domestic gifts? It is a horrible sexist tradition. What kind of party does a man get before he weds? One with some boobs in his face.
Over the last 20 years or so, most of my friends, and even my brother and his wife, have opted to have “co-ed” baby/wedding showers. It’s much more like a real party, and you don’t feel the pressure to have the silly games – unless you want a little silliness. I threw a crawfish boil wedding shower in my back yard for one of my best friends in the early ’90s – it was a blast. Back in 2000 I threw a Fiesta baby shower for my brother and his wife – again, the guys and girls were amazed at how fun it was. Most of the guys (late 20s to early 30s)had never been to a baby shower and were a little unsure until I put a Bohemia in their hand and started serving up fajitas.
I have found that my friends getting married later in life or for the second (sometimes third) time are opting out of showers altogether. They already have all the household stuff a couple needs to set up house.
I am the mommy to be in question. I would have opted out of having a baby shower because I for one do not enjoy going to them. My very loving and generous sister-in laws insisted that it would be a painless and easy brunch for 2 hours maximum where my loved ones would be able to celebrate and mark this blessed event. Even one of my most crunchy hippy friends wishes now that she would have had one…So, I am honored that my friends wish to celebrate this event and I promise no games and limited present opening. Hoping that someone will remember the bloody marys to make it less painful for all who come.
On either side of my house, I live next door to men who are stay-at-home Dads, while the wives are out in the work force. What makes this ritual outdated is that only women are invited. I just don’t get the logic.