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What’s Your Secret?
At dinner last night, an acquaintance visiting from the East Coast was telling me about her spinster aunt, who died at the age of 93. I’m fascinated by stories of women of that vintage, because it was so much harder to be single then. I asked my dinner companion if she knew why her aunt had never married, and when she said, “not really,” a surprising question spilled from my mouth: “Do you think your aunt was gay?” I had to laugh at myself, imagining how MANY times through the years, others have asked that question about me.
Image: Lawrence Zeegen
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It’s difficult to chastise others for responding this way when we involuntarily respond the same way ourselves. I hate it when I catch myself doing this!
That never occurred to me! As it took me forever to meet someone I actually wanted to marry, I knew I just hadn’t met the right one. I have never looked at an unmarried woman living alone and wondered if she might be gay. I just assumed that she, too, was not willing to get married just to be married.
I wonder if people thought that I was gay! I’d love to know!
I’ve been reading the comments on the Washington Post, many of which I’ve heard a variation for decades. Especially too picky. Glad to hear you know what I’m talking about!
There’s a really good (and of course, out of print) book called Never Married Women. It’s about women from that previous generation. You might like it. I used it for a class, and I really enjoyed it.
And I just assume that everyone thinks that I’m gay. It’s kind of fun to keep them confused. 🙂
I remember seeing that book. It really does seem like it’s from another era.
It never occurred to me until maybe 5 years ago or so, that anyone might think I was gay. It just seems so clear to ME that I like men ALOT – it’s almost laughable (but somehow, the laugh is not so hearty)! This is likely something that single women now in their 70’s and above did not have to contend with along with everything else
I have short hair and lived in San Francisco for years, so I’m sure my extended family, as well as others who didn’t know me well, connected the dots and got to the wrong place.
This apropos the “too picky” by Wendy up there (I want to credit Carolyn Hax).
You are not picky if you will not take what you do not want.
Discerning is a much better word.