filed in Fashion Forward, featured, Happy Ever After
Finding the Right Fit
I’ve gone out on a lot of dates with an eclectic mix of bad boys, rich men, everyday Joes, foreigners, frustrated artists, good Jewish sons, Scorpios, a celebrity (won’t kiss and tell, but at the time he was famous) and even an outright Republican. By the light of day, I’m confident that not one among them was my mate. But there are shoes in my closet that felt like love at first sight, and will be with me for life. Moral of the story? You tell me.
Image: Marc Johns
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Probably that selecting a mate would be much less complicated and daunting if it were only practical to keep as many men as we keep shoes.
High heels AND flats.
Thanks, Leslie, for intelligently posting my exact thought that I just couldn’t seem to put together. It also must be said that, with proper care, shoes can be trusted to retain their looks and appeal over time.
I’ve had some in my closet for at least 15 years, outlasting, by far, any romantic relationship.
At least we don’t shop for men the way we shop for shoes: Finding that perfect pair way out of our price range, trying to find a reasonable alternative with similar style, blowing the money on the alternatives, and then stuffing them in the back of the closet because they pinch the vamp of the foot or don’t have the X factor that makes us want to wear them often.
Oh wait. Sometimes, that is exactly how a woman chooses a man. Hmm.
With advances in cloning and stem cell research, and considering he pulls in enough revenue to build a lab that would do it, perhaps someday Jimmy Choo can be in the business of building and selling hetero males.
I like that.
Interesting, Wendy, bc you have been in the enviable position – though I know it doesn’t feel enviable – of always discarding ill-fitting potential partners, whereas i think my problem generally speaking can be summed up as thus: The ones I want, don’t want me; the ones I don’t want, want me. That old chestnut.
Thank you for saying this. It’s is my life in a nutshell. If I find “the one” and he doesn’t want me, doesn’t mean I didn’t find him. Grrrr……..
I believe that finding the right one implies that he thinks the same of me.
Trust me, I haven’t always been the discarder. But in hindsight, the end result has always been correct.
We men do the same thing, shop for women like shoes. You keep trying them on until you get one that fits or you like and sometimes the one you like the most, hurts, but you wear it (her) anyway because the way she looks makes you feel really cool.
Is that like a trophy pair of shoes?
I wish I had your outlook. I think there were a couple men in my past that would’ve been good matches for me – but I was intent on dating the wrong ones. I live with a lot of regret.
When it comes to regret, my therapist reminds me that we made the best decisions we could, with the information we had at the time. Be kind to yourself.
I think it means that maybe you should wear them (him) for a while before deciding they’re (he’s) not your favorite pair (partner) – aka, someone who doesn’t initially look like a match might be perfect.
I don’t have any regrets.
Regret is looking at a past decision with current information. There may not be anything that ranks higher among the cruelties we routinely perform upon ourselves. I simply refuse to do that.
What I did is who I was at the time. I was that person because I was.
Ergo: no regrets.
The moral of the story is that your true mate, your soul mate, the guy that really gets you does exist. And you are absolutely right in following your intuition, your heart. Don’t settle.
I have a close friend who gets me (most of the time). Sometimes soul mates can be found in unexpected places.
I agree in theory with not settling but is it possible that what you wouldn’t settle for when you were younger (and firmer) you’re willing to entertain now?
I’m deeply curious in the difference between the loosening of baseline requirements in a mate because of age and wisdom or the sheer exhaustion in trying to find a person who checks all our boxes?
From my perspective who we’re attracted to is a fluid thing. What would work for us at 20 might not be the same at 40. And don’t see that as loosening the baseline requirements but more like us evolving.
Relationships are hard work, intimacy can be hard. I believe in love. You have to make it a priority?! The small ones I have had are far better than any material possession, and they hurt to lose. My two cents!! Thank you!!
I agree, Amanda and I believe in love, too. But over the years, I’ve learned to diversify my “portfolio,” so even when romantic love isn’t in my midst, I have lots of others to care about and visa versa.
You are wise! And progressive, there are so many love stories out there. I am glad to have stumbled upon your writing!
Thanks so much, Amanda. It’s great to hear from you.