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Who Gets You?
When my Dad was alive, I’d look forward to Sunday mornings, and our weekly phone chat. It was so easy to make him happy, and I had a real experience of unconditional love. He got me. I’ve fleetingly had this feeling in romance, and felt like a man (or 2) has had it about me. But it’s hard to sustain. Maybe it’s because we’re always in flux. People get us one moment, but not the next. That’s part of the mystery. But the longing remains.
Image: See Through by Tes One
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But is not being ‘gotten’ what intimacy is all about? For some, being gotten is a good-enough reason to wind down the relationship.
What’s the case for you?
What a question. Of COURSE I’ve always been the mature, secure one! 🙂 Actually, I am now ready for intimacy and “being gotten” and marriage. I do NOT think I have ever been intimidated intellectually or emotionally by someone who gets me, but I avoided intimacy-that-could-lead-to-marriage.
Richard, I’ve always been curious about this, and never got a satisfying answer from the men I’ve dated. What were you avoiding?
Marriage and children.
It’s not always where you expect to find it. Who gets me? My ten-year-old niece. She doesn’t think it strange that we can enjoy talking about plate tectonics or finding a new volcano. We can watch science documentaries together. She doesn’t think it strange that an adult will explore new things and ideas. I hope I’m teaching her how to be comfortable in her own skin.
Now that you mention it, Colleen, my friend’s teenaged niece gets me too. We geek out together. And I feel good about showing her that living a single life is a good option, should it go that way for her. It sounds like you’re a good role model.
aww…you brought up memories of my Dad. He got me too. I’ve been gotten by an ex, but it feels like a long time since then. Thank goodness for old friends! Why does it seem that the getting is so much more elusive as we grow older? Or is this an affliction of youth, too?
Maybe as we get older, there’s so much more to get. It’s hard to catch up.
Interesting. I have always dated, for a long time (9 and 11 years), the perfect high school boyfriends that I could have fun with. It seemed safe, and what is there not to like about fun??? Now, I am 46, and only now, am I yearing for the higher level of intamcy and the commitment that goes with marriage….too late for children, but no regrets as my life would have been significantly different with a family. For me, it may have possibly been a fear of failure. I knew, and still do know, I never want to experience the heart break that goes with divorce. I only have one heart so I have try to protect it at all costs. Hmmm, hopefully it is not to late to find the unconditional love and intimacy that I yearn for in a happy marriage that is fun!
Kristin, I really appreciate your attitude and your choices. You’ve had YEARS of having fun. How awesome! I look forward to hearing more, as you continue the journey.
I’ve only had one person “get” me, and it was the most vulnerable I’ve ever felt in my life. It was like we could read each other’s minds, warts and all. Wonderful in most ways, surprisingly terrifying in others. We ended up going to different graduate schools and eventually broke up, though we’ve remained friends and in occasional contact for almost 20 years now. Neither one of us met anyone else who made us feel the same way or was so in sync.
It’s amazing to have that even once. How nice that you’re still in touch with each other.
When I was married, my husband and I got each other. What I loved about it is that I let him experience me with no filter, shield or act. It was the most vulnerable I’ve let myself be with another person. With him gone I definitely feel like he took a piece of me with him but it was nice to have that nonetheless.
Right now, my dog is the one who gets to see that way.
It does seem that family has that way of knowing us well without even trying. Perhaps years of seeing the patterns of our behavior as we grew up… I’d like that again in a partner. This time I’d like more acceptance of it though. My ex ‘got’ me but when he ‘got’ me in the raw he seemed to want to give it back after a while. I do not doubt someone else will come along and understand me that way – this time I’d like the acceptance that goes along with it.