filed in Daily Life
Finding the Road to Satisfaction
Daniel Kahneman, the Nobel-prize winning psychologist, has a theory about happiness that he calls “focusing illusion.” Kahneman suggests that people draw the wrong conclusions and often make flawed decisions, by giving too much weight to what we imagine will bring us sustained happiness, like having more money, moving to California, and perhaps you could add to this, living with a mate. (I take issue with him about California, because it really is that great.) I’m drawn to his point of view, which if I were to reduce to the barest of bones, is about finding real pleasure in the moment, as opposed to an unreliable construct. But don’t take my word for it. He’s got proof.
Illustration by Christoph Niemann
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Daniel Gilbert wrote “Stumbling on Happiness” on the subject. Interesting book, but it fell apart for me when he concluded that the way to test out your personal hypothesis of what will make you happy is to talk to people who have what you think you want.
He claims that we are alike enough that their experience will tell you what your experience will feel like, but I didn’t buy that view. He had a argument against that point specifically, but I didn’t agree with that, either.
So I agree we may not know and frequently get it wrong, but I don’t think Gilbert had the right solution.
Not sure there is one, unfortunately.
But I get tired of people telling me that what I think I want isn’t going to work, either. Particularly when it’s something they do have and want to smugly assure me that “it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” Okay, but I don’t see you giving it up, either.
It’s so interesting to read your response Noelle. I found Kahneman’s point of view reassuring, and it echoes my experience. But I want to think more about what you said. And if you have anything to add, please let me know.