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Contest: What is Your Single Vow?
It’s wonderful to give. We feel good about it. We celebrate with loved ones for their engagements, weddings, anniversaries, baby arrivals, and are happy to send along a gift to honor these joyous occasions. But today is your opportunity to get. FPS is launching a new contest, and an exciting new tradition that we’re calling a “SINGLE registry.” It’s our way to celebrate and honor being single. The winner will get a $50 gift certificate to Crate and Barrel. To enter, answer the question: what vow will you make to yourself? It can be far reaching in scope or concerned with minutiae. Submit your entry using the Comments section. Include your first name. If you win, we’ll email for your U.S. shipping address, and telephone number. By submitting you’ll become an FPS subscriber (if you’re not already). If you have any questions, please ask. Deadline to enter is October 5.
Study for First Face, 1967, by Tom Wesselmann
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97 comments for “Contest: What is Your Single Vow?”
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I vow to not be like my mother and to be happy. I’m not quite there yet, but I am working on it.
Thanks, Stacy, for leading us off. I have a similar vow.
I vow to appreciate my freedom as much as I can by traveling to places I want to go, trying new hobbies I want to try, taking classes, etc.
Where’s the first place you want to travel, Kate?
i vow to try my hand at more things i’m NOT good at… instead of always taking the easy way out with the same things i’ve been doing for decades already.
Is there a particular thing you have in mind Sarah? Something new you’d like to try?
If money wasn’t an issue, I would go some place exotic like Thailand or South Africa. I am also currently on a quest to visit all 50 US states.
To have many states have you traveled so far, Kate?
I vow to push myself outside the comfort zone.
Dolly, what specifically seems outside of your comfort zone right now?
This is an easy one: DFTBA, always.
Every time I realize that I’m letting someone else dictate how I feel, or feeling bad about something out of my control, I realize that I haven’t reminded myself lately. Adding it to my tattoo soon.
(Confused? Learn about Nerdfighters here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyQi79aYfxU )
I vow to speak my voice more often, rather than remaining silent to avoid feelings of discomfort (after all, a full life means feeling uncomfortable sometimes).
And I vow to continue keeping another vow–cooking fabulous things, even if it’s just me I’m cooking for! In fact, I made a wonderful chicken-pesto-walnut terrine this weekend–with organic chicken and pesto made from my own homegrown basil. Sure, I’ll continue to cook for friends and family, but I don’t wait until I have company to make something delicious.
I find great satisfaction in cooking glorious food for myself. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone.
I vow not to flee in fear of career-changing.
Beth – Tell me more.
I vow not to doubt that my life is infinitely significant, to know deeply and unswervingly that I matter.
(I don’t qualify for the contest since I live in Singapore, but loved the question so thought I’d chime in.)
Great to hear from you Mai.
I LOVE this new tradition! I just said to a friend how as Sex-In-the-City cliche as it is, I’d like to register at a luxurious spot (Gump’s perhaps?) for my own damn self. After sooo many bridesmaids dresses, plane tickets to destination weddings, gifts for engagement/showers/wedding gifts .. I have given & given SO many hours and $$$ to the many loves of my life.
That said, my vow is to substitute humor, compassion and kindness each and every time the deeply, self- critical voice of myself (& others) starts asking “Why I’m still single”. That, to me, would be such an act of self-liberation & kindness!
One of the most liberating steps for me, Annie, was to “stop asking why!”
I just booked a trip to Hong Kong to meet up with a dear friend who lives in Sydney (I live in Chicago). I’ve never been to Asia and Hong Kong is on the bucket list…this trip is a game changer for me on several levels as I contemplate my next steps outside the comfort zone of my present work and single social life. I was just accepted to 2 graduate degree programs to study a subject that I am very passionate about but since I am a “seasoned” professional, the thought of going back to school for another graduate degree at this age and stage is more than a little daunting….and very exciting. One school will require a major move to NYC and the other will require multiple trips back and forth to Washington D.C. Bye bye comfort zone!
I vow to try to come out from the small space I’ve retreated to emotionally. I’ve made my life my work and my home. I’ve stopped pursuing my love of photography. I deserve to do better for myself. But it’s hard when you’ve created a comfort area.
This is wonderful, Lisa. Your love of photography seems like a great way to get back in. Baby steps are good.
I vow to not let myself forget that it is okay to feel fear sometimes. Just because something scares me a little doesn’t mean it won’t be good, or that I won’t be good at it.
Kinsey, check out this illustration: http://goo.gl/8SMpU
I’ve been good about trying the new things I want to try, but I have trouble remembering that I’m awesome whether I’m spending Friday night out on a date or home with my cat hula hooping in the living room.
I’ve had Friday night dates when I’ve felt way less awesome than being with my cat.
I vow to be forgiving of myself.
I spent a whole day atoning, and probably not enough time forgiving myself. Thanks Beth for the reminder.
Me….well, a few months ago I promised myself to never again ask a guy to come visit me. My inner loses have hugely decreased. Not that I don’t get attention but I appreciate what I do get so much more. I’m satisfied & at peace with what I have.
Rebecca, I’m not sure what you mean: “never ask a guy to come visit me?”
I vow to remember that being single is not the same as being alone, and that I am surrounded by amazing friends who I love and who love me in return.
Nathan, I love this Chekhov quote: “If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.”
Having recently gone through somewhat of a life crisis, I made a point to write down a list of all the things that I want for myself in life. It gave me great clarity and a renewed sense of motivation to keep working towards my goals. At the same time, it also helped me feel happier than I can remember being in a long time. I’ve vowed to myself (thanks to this awesome contest idea!) to always pursue the things that inspire and motivate me to live a happy life.
Thanks, Natalie!!
I vow not to let inertia rule my retirement. Despite having great resources/means, and living at the beach, it has become entirely too easy to let the ‘net gobble me up for hours on end. Lace ’em up first thing and get busy living this ONE glorious life I earned.
Sounds good, Mary. (But I still love the internet.)
I vow to stop making others a priority if they do not respect me enough to return the favor.
Self respect. Yes, Christine!
My vow is to believe again that I am loveable. If I believe it, then maybe someone else will too.
Stephanie, If you’re willing, would you share one thing with us about yourself that is lovable? (If not, at least write it down.)
I am working with Barrie Davenport (@CoachBarrie) to find a new career. I am in the enviable position of have at least 2 years and a nice income from my own small telecom consulting biz to discover my passion and get started.
I get so scared at times I want to vomit. My life is grand as is. The change is to diversify and to eventually have a location-independent business to work at for the next 20 years or so. It would be easy to stay in my velvet handcuffs.
That said, it’s a bigger risk to do nothing than something.
Great goal, Beth. Keep us posted.
I vow to treat myself as “significant” without the other. Culture tends to put such emphasis on coupling. I have learned so much more being single, and I am much more comfortable in my own skin now than I was 10 years ago!
I love your phrase, Angela. Treat myself as “significant” without the other. I will quote you on this, for sure.
I vow to continue the “single is good” mantra until every single woman embraces it.
Thanks, Eleanore for all your great work on being happy and single. Everyone should check out Eleanore’s site: http://eleanorewells.com/
I made this vow to myself on my 27th birthday and it’s stuck with me ever since: “May you never depend on another for that which can only be supplied from within.”
SM: Except, maybe for pets.
I vow to spend time cultivating a relationship with myself, and learning to trust that this relationship is as important, intimate and rich, as any I could develop with someone else.
And Karen, the longest relationship you’ll have!
I vow to stand up to those who try to bully me whether it’s in the workplace or my personal life. Bully’s have no place in my life – ever!
Thanks, Sheila, for sharing these words. They’re so important.
I vow to live my life with passion and hope for my future.
Tatyanna, I agree with you completely. And have tried to live my life that way, too – though some days are easier than others.
Being in the midst of a mini-existential-life-crisis, I vow that I am not going to play “what if I was married/engaged/in a committed relationship game.” I am going to discover what will make me feel fulfilled in my career, and I promise that I am not going to use the single-girl card as a point of woe, nor will I allow myself to make fictitious plans regarding my future if there was a significant other to help and support me. I will be my own source of strength.
Allison – I so appreciate your sentiment. And I also sincerely hope we can be sources of strength for each other.
I vow to accept that I am enough.
I vow to find more time for myself and the things I enjoy. I am a single mom so very rarely have time for my own interests.
I vow to not be so absolute. To be open to opportunities even if they’re not exactly what I want.
Also, I do not want to have sex just to have it, thinking it will fulfill me physically and emotionally. When there’s no emotional connection for me, there’s no orgasm so what’s the point? I vow I will spend more time to figure out what I want/need to make ME happy.
I know I just made two vows … can I make another??
I getting neurotic / freaked out / depressed when a guy doesn’t respond in the time frame I think is acceptable. I mean, what am I: 12 years old? (No, I’m 35.) I vow to not give someone else the power to make me feel unworthy. (This will be a hard one.)
I vow to let go of relationships that are not encouraging or nourishing in the long-term.
That’s a good vow, Kristy, for both romantic relationships and the non-romantic kind.
My vow is to change job, take care of my parents, get married, have children, and tell them it was not easy to come this far.
I vow to find the me beyond my momhood.
My daughter left for college last month, and as a single parent, it’s now just me. And the dog and cat. And busy friends. And family that has gone their own way. When she left, I realized how much my ‘happy’ was all tied up in her; her stories, her drama, her friendship, her adventures. I was really just facilitating her life …. and somewhere along the line, I completely lost my own.
So now its time for me to find the me that comes after her.
I have many girlfriends, Anne, who have been on a similar journey. And they’ve done great. I wish you the best!
I am loveble because I am a fighter. I am a depressive, a high school teacher and a cancer survivor. Whatever happens I take my scrapes, make the best of the situation and keep moving forward. (It took me a while to think of that.It shouldn’t have.)
Stephanie, It seems to me that you have a good track record of dealing with the ups and downs of life and making the most of it. I applaud you.
I vow to love myself first, and as I am.
Self love is a great way to start.
Mine’s just a little vow.
Sometime in the next six months I’m going to take a holiday on my own. It won’t be a huge one, just a weekend away at a destination a couple of hours drive away but it will be just me and no one else.
When I lived in the UK, I did lots of solo travel. Hated it! But I’m 15 years older now and 15 years more confident about sitting in restaurants on my own and walking tracks on my own. In fact, the idea fills me with excitement!
I’ll let you know how I get on.
Jo – Little vows are as important as big vows. And often, more realistic to fulfill.
I vow to never compromise who I am or be made to feel bad about being myself – be this by lover, family, or friends.
Keri Ann – I think we can ALL relate to yours.
Wendy!
Once again your posts coincide with what is going on in Smalltown Wisconsin-too perfect! …I was on my way home last night-from work (a Hospice facility!! where I am an LPN) and I was thinking about your contest. What should I vow in the remaining year as the seasons change? And lately I have not been the nicest to myself. My friends and mentors realize it but I am having a troubled time “doing unto” myself. As mentioned in other comments, I am in my final year of nursing school and I am just too stressed out these days.
So! I vow to stop the harsh criticisms towards my mistakes. All I can do is do my best!
I can’t imagine the stress of the nursing profession, Laur. And yes, it’s vital to build in a lot of forgiveness for yourself.
I vow to stop expecting that new relationships will always end in disappointment
That’s interesting, Mandy. Do you think that your expectations of disappointing relationships have had impact on their outcome?
I love this! I vow to believe that I AM ENOUGH. Despite feeling inadequate sometimes, I AM ENOUGH!
This is a good one, Heather, to say out loud at least once each day.
I vow to reach for happiness and not worry about loneliness. I have the power of choice to find the magic in my world.
Sometimes, it’s the little things that can seem like magic. Almost 80 degrees in L.A. at 8 PM in October. That’s my magic tonight.
I vow to do a better job at sticking to my budget so that I can retire one day, and not have to rely on anyone even in my last days.
April, I hear your vow. And second that.
I totally agree with Christine’s vow to not make others a priority when they don’t do the same for me; it’s sooooo easy to blow off the single girl because, hey, the one with the penis always comes first.
Since that one’s taken, I would say to think for myself, draw my own conclusions rathe than get sucked into media histrionics or the opinions of people who haven’t bothered to know me.
Hi Wendy,
I don’t think I was very aware of it before, but a friend pointed it out to me and I think there is something about expecting a relationship to end before it’s even begun that must play a part in the outcome…something like a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I’m just starting to get to know someone new and I am determined to do it with an open mind and a gracious heart!
I understand this idea of a self-fulfilling prophecy, but in my experience, relationships haven’t worked out because we just weren’t the right match.
Considering I’ve spent years blaming my sensitivity for keeping me single and viewing it as a burden or curse, I am now working on changing my view and would like to vow to appreciate and treasure my sensitivity for the rest of my life.
Kate – Any quality that makes you, uniquely you, should be treasured.
I vow to nurture my friendships by spending intentional time with those who are a joy to be around … and to accept the help so freely offered!
Friendships are golden. And though I have to remind myself of this, people like to give.