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End of Week Zen: Let Yourself Be Happy
Today would’ve been my mother’s birthday. I woke up filled with gratitude for all that she gave me, and even when she came up short, I understand (after years of therapy) that she tried her best. Despite a good life that included a wonderful husband and marriage, my mother was not especially good at being happy. This week, while in synagogue, the Rabbi talked about a hospice nurse who spent years with dying patients, and then wrote about their five biggest regrets. Not choosing happiness was among them. A few FPS readers have made reference to this idea, when formulating their single vow. Does this resonate for you?
My hope for all of us is a very happy weekend!
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Great link, Wendy! I think the first four regrets are really encapsulated by the last one (choosing happiness). Number three is a formulation of my own single vow (speaking my voice).
I do sometimes wonder about how we define happiness. For many people, it’s this unattainably constant “happy, happy, joy, joy” feelings. If we defined happiness as a general satisfaction, I’d think that most of us might realize that we are probably happier than we give ourselves credit for. There will always be times of sadness or feelings of discomfort (unless one lives an incredibly sheltered and tiny life), though they shouldn’t be the average condition. Anyway, just some random thoughts on happiness!
I agree, Petra, that “happiness” is a tricky concept. I sometimes think about it as “meaningfulness.”
Thank you for sharing this link Wendy. I am currently contemplating making changes to my life. My job is very demanding and has a rotten commute to boot (I live in the I-95 corridor of Virginia which says it all). I feel like I am living in the movie “Groundhog Day.” No lie. I’m looking for a job closer to home so I can actually enjoy the house I bought and really relax on weekends. I openly admit I am burned out on the work I do and that it is time for a change. I would even take a pay cut in order to be happier and to have a life that is not dictated by my job. Earlier this month I took my first true vacation and it felt great. I agree with Petra, there will always be times of sadness or discomfort, but they should not become the norm in anyone’s life. I know a few of my friends are also looking to get off the treadmill we are on to focus on what really matters in their lives. Overall I am a happy person…but sometimes need a boost and the occasional overhaul of focus.
One of the reasons why I take one ritual day off (Saturday) each week to unplug, is to recharge and try to find a renewed sense of hope. I really need and look forward to this day of the week.
This completely resonated with me this week. I’ve been thinking a lot lately not just about choosing happiness but in defining what it means for me. It can be elusive sometimes when you’re single and past child-bearing age in a culture that often defines marriage and parenthood as the barameter of happiness. Moving past that to authentically define it for yourself, well, I’m continually working on it. If defining and choosing happiness is a prolem, it’s one I’m thankful to have.
It’s so hard to look beyond what we’ve been told will make us happy. That is one of the real challenges of being single. But I’m totally up for it.
Happiness to me means having no resentment and regrets in the end. There are many days when I come home feeling that I have accomplished nothing, and there are times when I feel as if I’m caught in a Sisyphean trap—pushing the rock up the hill, just to see it roll back down again. I feel that I don’t have a generous amount of happiness in my life, that I’m just living to live. If I were willing to take more risks and put myself out there more often, then I’ll find a lot more happiness in life.
Off to read that link now.
Dienna, it sounds to me like you need to be more generous with yourself, and expand your idea of accomplishment. Sometimes, just getting through the day is a big deal.