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Elevator Ride from Valentines Day Hell
It has been a perfect Southern California winter’s day. The sky was bright blue and the temperature hovered near 70 degrees. After 20 years of living in a foggy San Francisco, I don’t take this kind of weather for granted. This is all to say that I was in a grateful mood, despite its being February 14. In the elevator on the way back from an invigorating walk with my dog, the condo’s maintenance man, Rafael, wished me a Happy Valentines Day. That was sweet, I thought, and thanked him.
But then, he continued:
Rafael: Are you going to be with your family tonight?
Me: No.
Rafael: What? (his voice rising) Don’t you have any family?
Mercifully, the elevator door opened, and as I disappeared into the hallway, I said, “I’ll be with my dog tonight. She’s family.”
Illustration by Marie-Helene Jeeves
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21 comments for “Elevator Ride from Valentines Day Hell”
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I can so relate to that, Wendy. I really hate this day. In fact, I wore black to work today. I told people just as Johnny Cash would always wear black while injustice and poverty exist in the word, I would wear black every Valentine’s Day until I either find true love or it finds me (and I mean, TRUE, not the farce that my 20 year old marriage turned out to be.) That kind of made me feel better, in a way. But I still, despite my feelings of embarrassment, bought myself a half dozen roses at the subway station on the way home tonight. Couldn’t help it, even it does seem pathetic to buy your own flowers for 14 February. I needed to have some beauty to look at today. (The chocolate truffles I bought helped too!)
Paulette – Nope, buying flowers for yourself is not pathetic. I wish I would’ve done the same.
Buying yourself roses sounds very empowering, Paulette.
Wendy, this happened to me on Christmas last year. I spent it alone in my condo b/c parents were traveling and sisters were with inlaws. After the 2nd awkward run in with various condo staff members, I started taking the back way out of the building. People mean no harm I guess…but doesn’t sting less.
The maintenance guy is very sweet and well intentioned. It was just an unfortunate moment.
Ay caramba, Wendy. The Valentine’s virus. I admit that was a depressing run-in but I think that guy meant well, he was just expressing his own cultural perspective in a non-helpful way. Next time tell him about your ungrateful “family” who take those Costco chicken snax for granted. Family’s not all it’s cracked up to be, am I right? And thank St. Val this day’s nearly ovahh.
People just don’t get that not everyone has family or has family they want to spend time with or has family that is nearby. I hope the martini, pizza and Rose assuaged the sting and lack of consideration.
Forgot to say I love this artwork!
Thanks, Jules. Artwork helps soothe.
I am sure your neighbor did not mean to be hurtful, as Mary C. said. Sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad.
My Valentines day, for example, ended in a warm bed snuggled next to a freshly bathed dog. It started with a trip to the dog park, a great escape, a mad dash, a slip in mud, and a hard landing in a pile of poop.
Wendy, I second Jules’s comment above. And I like your response to the maintenance man’s question. I find such family-centric comments and interrogation highly invasive and irritating. After a while, part of me just wants to answer such questions with, “No, I won’t be seeing family this year…I lost them in a last year”, then watch them squirm.
And to comment on your previous Costco post, I love buying that slab of Parmesan Reggiano from Costco, too, and not having to share it.
Hm, my comment above should have read, “…lost them in a (insert unfortunate incident here) last year.”
To add Kathy’s comment (which is awesome) I would make it a bizarre natural disaster that took my family the previous year.
I had fun at the campy gay burger place. I like low key V-days. There were many years when I was in a LTR that I didn’t really care or even celebrate it.
There are plenty of days when I get a great cuddle for my cat Loki. Animal companionship is a must for me and completes my mini family.
I’m sorry Wendy. And I sympathize.
I had been having a swell day, out spreading tasty cheer with some homemade quark spritz cookies. Then I stopped at the bank, where first the bank greeter chirped “SO, what are your big plans for V-day?”
Me: “None, really.”
BG: “You’re not doing ANYTHING to celebrate?”
Me: “I made some festive cookies.”
BG: “Such a sweet thing to do for your children!”
Me: “They were for colleagues at work.”
BG: “Really???”
This was immediately followed by an almost identical exchange with an over-cheery teller.
Even though I *know* that, like your maintenance man, they only meant to be friendly, it cast an unpleasant shadow on my afternoon. I hadn’t realized I’d need to brace for going to the bank.
There are only a few floors in my building, so my elevator ride was short. Your bank greeter needs a “reality” check.
It’s right up there being grilled why I don’t have children. People assume that everyone wants to have kids. I got the third degree one day at work several years back and the guy doing the grilling told me it was perfectly normal to ask why one wants/doesn’t wants kids. Uh, not really. My personal choices should not be up for discussion, period.
These people just don’t understand the changing demographics and how many single family households there are in America these days.
I am soon going to a wedding where I will be the only one not partnered up out of my group of friends… dreading it already. I am sure I will be getting lots of pitying looks and questions.
Weddings are tough, Helena. I really think we should be able to bring a guest. What got me through the last one was a dress I was really excited about wearing. Please let us know how it goes.
This past Valentine’s Day was a normal, uneventful day for me. No one pestered me about being single and I went straight home after work. In the past, I’d treat myself on this day, but this time around I didn’t feel the need. Red is my favorite color but I didn’t feel the need to wear it then, but nor did I feel the need to wear all black in protest.
It was just a normal, nondescript day for me, and that’s all I really wanted.
Just another day. That’s perfect.