filed in Daily Life
Gifting While Single
Next month, I’m traveling to San Francisco to be with two friends who are celebrating momentous birthdays. I was trying to figure out what to get them that would make an impact. That got me to thinking that spouses generally pool their resources when buying gifts, and I wanted the same advantage. So I decided to piggyback with a couple that are invited to the party and be their gifting third wheel. Problem solved.
Discussion
13 comments for “Gifting While Single”
Leave a Reply
About this Site
FIRST PERSON SINGULAR is a guide to surviving, thriving and sometimes just getting through a single day. Created by Wendy Braitman (more…)
Follow First Person Singular
Greatest Hits
© 2010 First Person Singular. 
I don’t think spouses do pool resources necessarily. My guess is that they assume that said occasion/friend warrants a ($$20 or $30 or $50 or $100 or…)gift. And that singles do the same. For example, let’s say that a couple decides on spending $50 for a gift, so each contributes $25 (unless one is un- or underemployed). The single person will also spend $50/gift. Interesting question, though, and this is just my assumption. I don’t really have any hard evidence.
I’ll have to start asking
This is a point of envy for me. When I was married, we were both working and so $50 from the household money pot for a gift wasn’t a big deal. Now on my own, $50 is a much bigger deal (one income!).
Two of my coupled friends do not pool resources – they live together, unmarried. If PartnerA wants to spend $50 on her friend’s birthday gift, then PartnerA ponies up the money; PartnerB is not expected to contribute.
All that to say the resources spent (time, money, or both) are noticed more when you’re running your own household. Same holds true for things like potlucks – the time and ingredients have a greater cost than when a couple provides one item.
Not only do couples only bring one item (I’m thinking potlucks here), there are two people eating. I bring the same amount costing a similar $$$/time amount, and I only eat for one!
Hmmmm…this might apply to weddings, too.
This happens all the time. Most people in couples don’t give it a thought. I do have a few coupled friends who have recognized the inequality. It feels good to have my circumstances acknowledged and validated.
It’s just more expensive across the board to live alone. Many consider it a luxury they can not afford.
I appreciate my synagogue for its equality. Membership for singles is exactly half the price as it is for couples. Very rare.
Wendy, that’s impressive and fantastic! Gives me a little faith.
One of the many reasons why I love the place
Replace “gift” and “potluck” with “vacations” and that’s my world. I have a friend who lived with her boyfriend before they got married last year. It seems like every other month they’re taking a long weekend to someplace fun to “recharge.” I’d love to “recharge” too but taking a four-day weekend in San Diego from the East Coast is a heck of a lot harder for me than them. When her parents had some health issues, my friend took off immediately for the midwest. When the call to “recharge” hit them again, they spent a week in Italy! All of this was within six months.
I try not to be jealous but … I’m jealous! I typically don’t envy couples or married people but they sure do have us singles beat when it comes to vacations. To pay for my friend’s three trips would have me eating tuna fish sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner for like a year!
The one thing I’d keep in mind, Latarsha, is that assumes both people in the couple have the same inclination for travel. In my experience, that’s not always the case.
I’m glad I came back to see comments and discovered that others feel the way I do and that it can be a point of contention (esp. “eating for two!”).
An additional comment: when I was married, we took a few interesting trips. Now single, people still ask me, “Do you have any big travel plans?” It’s frustrating and a bit depressing because like Latarsha hinted, travel is costly. I can’t afford to do it as much as I’d like anymore.
It’s especially frustrating that I can’t travel the way I want because I’m at an age when I appreciate travel more, my career is more stable and I make more money than I did before. It’s tough to find a way when you’re also balancing the way you want to travel vs the financials of it, ie, stay in hotels vs motels, stay downtown (higher costs/no need to rent a car) vs stay further out (lower rental rates/vehicle needed) and so on. I’m trying to come up with travel plans that are more local/regional and therefore eliminate renting cars, airfare and long-term parking costs and something I can do a couple of times a year while continuing to save for one larger trip once a year. Still. Planning a trip to Italy for five days like my friend did would require me to plan to take that trip 18 months or more from now. So depressing.
But Italy is a worthy goal. And in my experience, 18 months goes by very fast.