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What Does It Mean to Make a Vow?
A few weeks ago, Andrew Wilder, creator of the blog, Eating Rules, asked me to write a guest post for his annual October Unprocessed Challenge. Sure, I said. Why not? Then I reviewed the guidelines for guest bloggers and gulped. It would mean signing a pledge to eat unprocessed foods for a whole month. Even though I consume mostly healthy foods, did I really want to commit. And this got me to thinking about commitment and being single and whether there’s any sort of adverse relationship. One thing about my single life is there’s a lot of freedom of choice, and I don’t like to feel hemmed in. But does that mean I have trouble taking a vow? What’s your experience?
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12 comments for “What Does It Mean to Make a Vow?”
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yeah I was thinking about the same thing as I planned my evening; I decided at the last minute to attend a “Bar Method” workout class, and lingered after class to take a shower, wasn’t home until about 8:00 for dinner. Pretty much all of the other women took off immediately, and I imagine many of them had spouses/families to get home to. I kind of relished the ability to just decide whimsically how to spend my time. It’s a pretty awesome freedom actually, and one that I would not happily give up if a spouse were to come into the picture!
How’s the unprocessed eating going? That’ll probably create some good healthy habits!
Before I agreed to sign the pledge, I had a long email exchange with Andrew who created Eating Rules. I told him there were things I refused to give up (like the olives for my martinis). So it’s not really different from the way I usually eat.
“Commitment and being single’- I think sometimes we absorb that message from society around us, that we are somehow lacking in this ability or skill and so THAT’S why we are not attached. However, I, like you, have a dog (multiple in my case) and I am fanatically committed to their welfare. I have come home from work at lunchtime every single day for the last 15+ years so they do not have to go all day without going outside. That’s just one example. You are obviously committed to your dog too!
As far as the commitment in question, I would not have a problem as I grow/harvest/make most of my food or buy at farmers markets. I guess I’m saying I will easily commit to something I believe in.
Well put, Robin. The commitments are just different than the usual nuclear family.
I can’t say definitively whether or not I have a problem with commitment. I’ve gone for many years taking care of an elderly parent, but I don’t like living in the same house for too long, and I can only commit to one TV series at a time, because keeping up with two TV shows is just too much. I like having a lot of options. I always cringe when I hear a married person say “I thought about trying such-and-such, but my spouse won’t let me.” That phrase “won’t let me” hits my ears the same way as “I’m in jail” does. And yet, I’d still like to be married someday. Weird.
When a married person says “my spouse won’t let me,” I often wonder if that’s the excuse for something they don’t want to do in the first place.
I’m single and work for myself. That implies a lot of freedom, for sure. But I also have plenty of daily commitments that arguably infringe on that freedom; there’s a blessing in that, though. Those obligations give structure, even meaning, to my day…and make all the sweeter those moments of true freedom.
And when it comes to making a commitment to a relationship, my sense is that — when you’re “right” with yourself, and when the “right” person is in front of you — commitment will be a pleasure.
For most of us, I would argue that we’re not single because we’re commitment phobic.
I don’t know if anyone here saw the article in the NY Times on Sept 20, ‘Getting Married Is Easy : Why I Will Be Wed’ by Elizabeth Wurtzel. She pretty bluntly said that her being single was due to immaturity and when she was ‘ready to fall in love for real’ she BAM! met someone great and got married. Like it’s just that simple.
Things like this just fuel the fire of misthinking on the part of others about the reasons we are single. GRRR
Somehow I missed this article. Ugh. It sounds awful. I’ll have to check it out. Or maybe not….
Emily Nussbaum, the TV critic for the New Yorker, recently reviewed The Good Wife. http://goo.gl/IyytQR In this review, she writes that because The Good Wife is on a network, rather than cable, the creative team has many more strictures, and yet it’s consistently one of the best on TV. Structure can provide meaning, if we’re nimble and it’s not too oppressive.
Ah yes, the singleton is a commitment fearing wuss, yada, yada, yada. I agree that there are different kinds of commitments that a person has, married or single. I have three cats and yes, they mean a lot to me and I am committed to giving them a great home, lots of love, and the best care possible. When I adopted two kittens last month after the loss of my precious Sasha girl, I, like before, had to sign a contract to pledge that I would take all the necessary steps to care for them. I take that contract seriously…that is commitment. As for being single and immature, I would have to disagree. I have not read the article, but I would argue that being single is tough and matures the hell out of you real quick. I have to make decisions on my own without the consult of a spouse. Yeah, I can ask my sisters’ opinions, but it boils down to me making the call. I don’t have to defer my call or make my spouse make the tough decision and not be responsible for it. I am the single point of failure for EVERYTHING and that is quite sobering in of itself. And no, I haven’t gone rushing out to find a guy who can handle the tough stuff…I’ve been doing well on my own thank you very much.
Jalina, I’m standing up and applauding you right now.