filed in Myths and stereotypes
Yet Another Study Claiming Married People are Happier
One of the catalysts for starting First Person Singular was the sinking feeling I’d get when reading studies about how happy married people are. How could it be, I wondered, that I was destined to have such a sad, sad life. And then I remembered that in reality, my coupled friends weren’t any more content. So I created a Husband Benefits Pie Chart, in which I outlined the secrets of how to be single and satisfied. Build your network. Know your truth. Dismiss this latest study, please.
Neon by Stefan Brüggemann
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15 comments for “Yet Another Study Claiming Married People are Happier”
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I cldn’t get through even half of that article.
Not worth finishing.
I didn’t read the article, either on the NYTimes or via the link, because I didn’t want to get pissed off. It’s a lot easier to be “happy” if you are the societal default or the average (which is what married people are–married w/kids IS the norm, although I suspect the millennials will be changing this). If you are the “other”, you have to more responsible for your own happiness because you don’t get the benefit from being the norm.
That said, I vaguely recall reading an article about a study some dozen years ago and once the analysis was done, the researchers found that it was MEN that drove the results (single men were the least happy [or was it least long-lived? can’t remember anymore!]), while single women scored at the top. After reading that, I realized that the different variables that could explain the differences really weren’t addressed in such studies (maybe women in general are more likely to destress by talking with friends or by seeing doctors more frequently–who knows??)
Then there’s the ecological fallacy: applying the results from a large group to a single individual!
I read it because I couldn’t help myself. But it doesn’t add up to the truth that I know.
“It’s a lot easier to be “happy” if you are the societal default or the average (which is what married people are–married w/kids IS the norm, although I suspect the millennials will be changing this). If you are the “other”, you have to more responsible for your own happiness because you don’t get the benefit from being the norm.”
THIS! This about sums it all up. I think one of the major benefits of marriage must be the elimination of the social pressure to marry and be “normal.” I think that’s why so many people marry bad matches — just to have someone. Even if it ends in divorce or they are not happy, at least they don’t have to face harsh judgment!
It’s hard being single. Not because of being alone per se, but because you have to constantly fight the culture. I’m trying to figure out a way to isolate myself from it. ha!
PS. Go millennials!
The norm is changing. When I think about the stigma of being single in my mother’s day versus now, there has been real progress. And we need to continue to light the way.
Wendy, that’s very true. I was thinking recently that it’s so hard to not do what everyone else seems to be either doing or striving to do (marriage/relationship). I am often torn because I am not even sure I WANT it for myself. When I look into my future, there’s no man there. At least not in the near future. But I have a feeling I’m going to be the cat’s meow at the retirement home! 🙂
I don’t think you need to know, Dee. Be open to the possibilities.
Great thought. Thank you!
In my opinion, this kind of journalism is like writing an article that explains that people who own their own home have greater housing stability than those who rent.
duh. of course people who are married to their best friends are happy. Not everyone who’s married is in this wonderful situation though– there are plenty of married people who don’t particularly like or respect their partners. I’d love to live with a best friend/partner, but I’d rather be single a million years that share my life with someone who doesn’t treat me well or with whom I don’t get along.
Perfectly said. Thank you.
Wow! another study claiming married people are happier! When is a study going to be conducted with women our age, who wanted (and still do)to be married but have not found the “right one” yet and have decided not to settle? Now that would be a great study to read: How women have navigated through the stigmas and expectations of society and family and have not only survived, but have thrived! Our voices need to be heard so we can get the respect we deserve (and have earned!). I took your advice, Wendy, and “dismissed” this latest study but I would love to hear how others like us are thriving and living satisfying lives, despite what these “studies” say.
Elaine, you should check out the work of Bella dePaulo, who rebuts so many of the “marriage = happiness” myths. http://belladepaulo.com
Thanks, Wendy! I have been going on Bella dePaulo’s site for awhile now and enjoy her writings as well as others that comment. But I am also enjoying reading what others are (such as Izzybell) writing on the subject as well. Your site offers a lot of insight and valuable information.
Bella’s the best when it comes to uncovering misleading data that results in faulty conclusions.