filed in Daily Life
The Road Less Traveled
My stalwart brother was visiting this weekend, and we had an intimate conversation about how different our lives have been. His has been comfortably linear – a good job, a well-appointed home, a devoted long-term spouse. When I asked him how this happened, he replied, “I always followed the rules and did what I was supposed to do.” On occasion, I’ve felt envy of his path. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he sometimes felt the same of mine. Isn’t that’s how it goes?
Comic by Wes Hotchkiss
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Interesting conversation. I was always afraid to be too “linear.” I always felt like something better was just around the corner and I didn’t want to be stuck. I just knew there would be someone amazing, so I didn’t want to settle. I don’t feel that way anymore. Oh, to be young and hopeful!
Never too late to be hopeful, Dee. I really believe that.
I’ve had this conversation with a couple of my married friends and yes, we are sometimes envious of each other’s lives. Perhaps it’s a longing for something different and new.
For me, marriage is only part of it. His life, in general, seems much less in flux. And sometimes, that sounds so good.
Wendy: I’m curious, why do you feel your life is in flux?
I’m thinking about a new venture and there are so many variables.
This is a wonderful and concise description of how confounding it can be to try to account for the differences between my life and others’, especially within my own family. My brother and sister seem to have fallen into home and family life effortlessly without even thinking. And maybe that’s the difference. Maybe they really needed their life to be that way, and it’s hard for me to find a mate because I don’t need one. So why try to fit a square peg in a round hole?
I think we might have at least one important advantage. That flux that you mentioned is actually the rare ability to change and transform. My sister will never be able to have my perspective. She went straight from college to grad school, got married in her last semester, got pregnant, and gave birth at age 25. She has never lived alone. Now that she has a young baby, she can’t “un-baby” her life and live as a single. If I really wanted her life, however, I could find any number of ways to baby up. I can change my life. My situation is reversible. Hers isn’t. People who are on a set path from following the rules are on a train track that they find hard to get off of, no matter how pleasant the scenery is. Look at it this way…at least you are free to think of that new venture. Someone in a secure, comfortable life would have to dismiss random ideas that pop into their heads because they don’t want to lose their security blanket. No disrespect to them, but like you said, there are trade-offs for everyone.
Beautiful response, Leyla. Thank you. And even though I might tweak my life, I wouldn’t trade it.
Must be a coincidence, but do yourself a favor and read the first letter in Slate’s Dear Prudence column that was published today. You are living someone else’s dream.
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2015/04/dear_prudence_i_want_to_be_alone_even_though_i_love_my_husband.html
Funny coincidence and very relevant to our conversation. We are, indeed, living the dream!