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Competitive Sharing
Facebook can be such a buzz kill. There are days when I click on, feeling buoyant about myself, until I see photos of a friend’s family vacation to Barcelona, or read about a college roommate’s novel making the Times best seller list or scan a newlywed’s declaration of love after her destination wedding. In a flash, my otherwise spirited life seems dull and lonely. During fragile times, I know to avoid Facebook altogether. But then, it came to me. I could play at this too. Last week, there were endless pics from parents of their kids grinning on the first day of class. So I grabbed a notebook and pen, placing it strategically in front of my dog, and captured her adorable faux back-to-school photo for all my FB friends to enjoy.
Illustration by Toothpaste for Dinner
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Again, it’s like you’re reading my mind! I just got off Facebook and now feel like crap. People are going on trips to beautiful places and visiting interesting friends and having babies. All I do is work and stay in one spot in my leisure time. And I think I have a flat tire, but it should be clearer whether or not that’s the case in the morning. Facebook has been a curse for me, it’s how I found out the only man I ever loved married someone. I’ve had to take breaks (for that, and when I lost a house two days before closing and fb was flooded with new house posts).
Many people I know complain of the same thing about Facebook. It has become a place to feel bad about yourself. Part of the problem is users don’t often share the mundane hard times.
hilarious! every person’s life has something interesting to share, and it’s good to have your own representation in addition to the deluge of ‘mommy/family’ photos. didn’t realize that you draw. Oftentimes I’ll unfollow people on FB if their posts primarily revolve around ‘how in love they are with their spouse’ or ‘fun outings with kids’. And yeah, I try to avoid scrolling through the feed on a regular basis since I don’t need to know that someone I barely know just had a baby or whatever. But it’s kind of a necessary evil, once I lost a friend b/c I never checked FB and she was always inviting me to do things with her on there. I guess that it’s important to remember that most people present their best selves on FB, and do not articulate that they are, ie, having financial difficulties or relationship issues, etc. Although I am friends with a few people who air dirty laundry on FB, too…….one friend announced that he’d just been served divorce papers, another posted all of her break-up texts on FB, and another posts things that, honestly, she should only be telling her therapist. FB is a mixed bag.
For all my gripes, I can’t stay away.
YES!!!
A few years ago my cousin mailed us a Christmas newsletter. He recapped what he, his wife and kids did each month. Things like “February 10 – Jeanne-Marie got a haircut.” “June 4 – Jake scored a goal.”
Ridiculous.
I thought about creating a letter that said something like this:
“October 24 – Cat stretched, then licked his paw.” “May 7 – Cat sat in window.”
I didn’t have the nerve, but I laughed myself silly.
That would have been awesome, and would have guaranteed that you would be taken off the list for these tedious letters!
I agree, Leyla. Heather – it might be worth a first draft.
That would be funny, Heather.
I deleted my facebook profile about five years ago. I had just turned 27 and all of a sudden all the ads were about weddings, babies, or singles websites. it was so off-putting!
And Karen, you’re not back on FB?
Hi Wendy–
Nope! Have not been back since. I am on instagram (to keep in touch with friends) and I like it a lot more–it feels to me like the most transparent platform– and I don’t have to worry about ads for singles groups or wedding gowns (at least for now!)
I haven’t spent much time on Instagram. But I want to. I know that a lot of people like it much more than FB.
Heather: please do a holiday letter all about your cat’s amazing year!!
I think about dropping fb. Friends who live far away are my excuse not to. But if I dropped it maybe we’d call or email more instead? I read somewhere don’t look at it in the am because it will start your day wrong.
I see what some of my contemporaries are doing and I swear they all have to be in massive debt or still getting an allowance. I’m just like really?! I know you have student loans too and can’t be making that much more than me, explain to me where you got the cash for this international vacation?! Still doesn’t stop the envy :/
Who knows what’s really going on for our FB friends? I often quote this advice about envy from my therapist friend – don’t compare your inside to somebody else’s outside.
Oh, I love that quote. I’m going to steal it 😉
When I’m deep in envy, it really helps.
I have a different experience on FB. The vast majority of the time I really enjoy my newsfeed. A couple of my high school friends do post a ton of stuff about their kids and grandchildren but I like to see these updates. I also have a few friends that post their less than happy moments which maintains some balance. Mostly, I like it when people post interesting news and art stuff that I’ve missed or post an interesting opinion or question. It’s hard to keep up with everything and this helps. Of course I’m not immune to envy but FB doesn’t increase it.
I remain a FB fan. The positive aspects outweigh the envy.
Forgot to throw in my support for Heather’s holiday letter about her cat. Please!
We have a chorus here.
WOW!! Looks like I need to get started. I have two cats, so it’ll be a thick one! 🙂
You already have a built in audience.
I have a core group of people that I monitor and another group that, while I don’t follow their posts, I do check in with weekly. Then others I check in periodically. Most of my friends’ posts (and, frankly, my own) are either funny/witty commentary or links to interesting articles on sites such as npr.org. There is very little of the “oh, look at my wonderful life and what I bought and who I vacationed with” posting mentality. Occasionally, yes, but not as a matter of course.
And I do post pictures of my cat or nature fairly regularly.
Rose, my dog, always garners the most likes.
The one good (and sorely missed) thing I’ve found on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/berkeleybreathed/timeline?ref=page_internal
Other than that, I’ve made it a point of pride to avoid Facebook like the proverbial plague. Mark Zuckerberg will have to get richer off someone else.
I’ve just clicked on the link, and with your recommendation, I’ll check it out.
I actually managed to quit FB in Sept 2014…so I’ve been off for a whole year now. Wow!! I just realized it’s been a year. I quit because it was bringing up more bad feelings than good and I just reached a breaking point. I am so happy I quit. Itvwas adding zero value to my life.
I will add that as far as people posting about their travel and relationships…they are not posting about how uncomfortable trzvel truly is (TSA, expensive meals, tourist traps, being in the heat, etc). And their kids aren’t angels!
I can attest to both claims because i just returned home from a trip and am swearing off travel for the forsee able future. During my trip i saw several cranky children.
Don’t believe the hype!
Thanks for the encouragement, Dee. Congratulations your one-year anniversary.