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My Happy Holidays Survival Strategy
Today, I asked a single friend about her goal for the week, and tongue in cheek, she said to “get through it without slitting her wrists.” Though not quite as dire, I used to feel a version of that. It changed a decade ago when I decided to take charge of the holidays by orchestrating my own Christmas party. For this year, I reserved matinee movie tickets for 7 friends to see Star Wars. After that, everyone will come to my place for a feast. I’ve been plotting the menu for weeks and the last few days, I started buying the non-perishable ingredients. (Meats and veggies will be purchased Wednesday). This gives me a plan, a purpose, a sense of belonging. How are you doing?
Holiday card by Curt Melo
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27 comments for “My Happy Holidays Survival Strategy”
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Bravo, Wendy! What an awesome plan. I will be spending the day with my mother and whoever else pops in to her house on Christmas.
I do worry about what my holidays will look like down the road when my mother is no longer here (I hate to even think about that :(.
I’m curious about your 7 guests…are they other singles? I guess it’s interesting because Christmas day seems off limits in terms of socializing in my friendships…everyone has family plans. How do you manage to find people willing/available to come?
3 couples. 1 other single woman. Because we’re all Jewish, Christmas isn’t really a family day. It’s mostly a movie and Chinese food day.
I’m on the slit my wrist bandwagon with your friend. December 26 is my favorite day of the year. #yesimcynical
4 days and counting…
Yet another wrist slitter chiming in …well, nothing that extreme, but I do often think during the holiday season (meaning beginning before Thanksgiving) that I wish we could fast forward to mid-January. My family relations are problematic and so I don’t participate in all my siblings getting together, and they seem perfectly happy to disinclude me too (parents are deceased).
One sister is stopping by my house on Christmas Eve on her way to where the other two live so they can all be merry, merry together. She will probably stay an hour or two at the most. I sometimes (often) feel like just a convenient rest stop as I am located halfway between where all the others live.
On the upside, I plan to hang out with my wonderful dogs, knit a lot, possibly go to church Christmas Eve, and make myself a nice dinner.
And New Year’s is a neighborhood party that begins at 5 and I am home by 8. Perfect!
The main reason I don’t want to fast forward through the holidays is that I don’t want to rush time. Also, there’s a lot less traffic in L.A. in between Christmas and New Year’s, and that’s something to savor.
Not quite slitting my writs b/c I am going to a lovely aunt’s house this year but just not really feeling at all festive. I had bit of a health crisis a week ago though that put things into perspective for me…4 days in the hospital made me realize I get myself worked up over nothing. Maybe its just b/c my focus is definitely my health the next few weeks, I’m just not really worried about much else. Usually by now, I worry that I won’t have New Year’s Eve plans (oh, the horror!) but I already know that my health doesn’t allow much besides relaxing on the couch and its quite a feeling of relief.
Oh, Lola, I hope you’re feeling better and send you lots of healing energy. Health can really put things in perspective. What are you doing to nurture yourself?
Thank you Wendy. I’m really just trying to eat right, drink plenty and really set up boundaries at work. I’m feeling fine, just have to be sure I get plenty of rest, so I’m ditching out from work by 5 or 6 (early in my field) and getting plenty of sleep. Oh and I did treat myself to a beauty day last weekend. Hair and a manicure. Felt wonderful!
Good for you, for setting boundaries at work. That’s so hard, but really important.
Sounds like an amazing plan! I am going to my uncle’s house, but at some point I might want to “take charge” as well.
I highly recommend it.
I have to place myself squarely in the “wrist-slitting” camp. Christmas is the absolute pinnacle of loneliness and regret for this single middle-aged woman, underscoring that I am relegated to the “spinster aunt” sideline of life. I will be traveling to spend a few days at the home of a married sister. The silver lining is that it is a (relatively) painless way to see my mother and tick that obligation off my list, since she also travels there for the holiday. Yes, it does not escape me that I sound bitter and self-pitying and that I should be counting my blessings, blahblah. Trust me, I get it. However, if one more person suggests that I, who work over 70 hours a week at a stressful job, spend the holiday volunteering to serve Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter, I might konk them on the head. Why is it that no one ever suggests that the smugly-married spend THEIR holidays at a dirty inner city homeless shelter in a crappy neighborhood, sporting a hairnet and scooping barely-edible reconstituted potatoes onto the trays of the destitute and/or mentally ill and occasionally violent denizens of said homeless shelter? Hmm? Ever noticed that?
Karen, what do you mean by the “spinster aunt” sideline of life.
I am so lucky at our small holiday gathering no one treats me like a loser or oddity. My parents are perfectly happy with me being single. Been living with them for past 7 months but about to move back out. Only really because I know it’s the mature adult thing to do even though we’re quite settled here. My dad who’s retired takes care of my dog and some errands for me, my mom likes having another person to talk to, I like the free rent and convenient excuse why I don’t date… I’m 34 but this reads like Im 55!! 🙂
Who does the cooking?
For holidays my mom usually cooks. She aspires to having her holidays look like Colonial Williamsburg or Southern Living so menu planning and executing brings her great pleasure (a trait I did not inherit). The rest of the time we all cook. It’s a hodgepodge because of different diets and schedules.
That’s a very ambitious aspiration. Go, Mom.
I think the holidays are rough when you’re single (and sometimes when you’re not) and I’ve had some ups and downs this year so far. Am trying to keep busy, accept all invitations, and enjoy my time to cook/read/take my dog on long walks. I work in a school, so am surrounded by families all the time (colleagues and students) which can make me feel like somewhat of a freak. And, it’s easy to feel isolated and lonely when there’s so much hype about togetherness during this time of year.
I agree that taking control helps vs. waiting around to have the ideal holiday surrounded by loved ones that I’d like. Throwing a big hanukkah party for everyone I care about, joining in friends’ xmas eve plans, spending time with my parents and going to yoga are all key survival strategies for me.
It’s nice to come here and see that I’m not the only one.
I love this neck of the Internet! Such a cozy spot.
well said!
Love you back, Dee.
I think the holidays are rough for most people. There’s so much pressure, expectation and familial stress. I’d be lost without exercise, and I’ll be in ballet class first thing tomorrow morning.
I’ve been single for many years now (I do wonder why some of us are eternally single while some are in a new relationship as soon as they’re out of one) and yes, holidays are a difficult time. This year I’m spending the holidays with my family who live half the world away from where I’m currently based. It’s also my birthday today.
I’m happy to be spending this time with my family but at the same time I keep on feeling down. I have been asked many times why I’m single and isn’t it time I should be settling down and getting married. I keep on being reminded that time is running out for me and that I will regret things one day. This makes me so sad, don’t they realise how hard it is to meet someone? It’s not like I can just walk into a store and buy a husband. Why are they so heartless? I know they only wish the best for me but still…
So, despite spending these holidays with my family I feel sad and lonely… And a bit of a failure really. I see the sadness in my parents eyes as they don’t have grandkids and a son in law and feel sad for me. I of course stay strong and pretend I’m happy and content… Whilst life is actually hard and daunting being on my own. I guess there’s still hope but with each year passing I feel time is indeed slipping away.
Sorry for this sad note, just feeling like I can’t talk about this with anyone.
Hope you’re all having great holidays and have an awesome 2016 full of love!
I’m so appreciative of you reaching out to our community. That took a lot of courage. I’m imagining that many of us have experienced your feelings at one time or another. And maybe even this holiday, as well. Family dynamics are very complicated. It’s easy to internalize what family members might want for us, and forget what we truly want for ourselves. And to top it off, holidays (especially) Christmas can be such pressure cookers, as we’re often not on our own turf, away from support systems. When you say, “time is running out,” and “time is slipping away…” what does that mean for you?
Time running out for me means that my time to create my own family is slowly running out now that I’m in my mid 30s. I feel sad about it and know that my family are right when they say this… But I feel there’s not much I can do about the situation. I don’t want to be alone but one can’t magically make a relationship happen.
I do know that I need to just learn to be happy with myself and the way things are, then if I meet someone it’s just a bonus.. But I can’t lie to myself, I do miss sharing my life with someone…
Helen, are you currently looking to date?