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What Are You Doing for Fun?
Today, a friend and I were discussing the upcoming weekend. “Have you planned anything fun?” I asked. She was going to a comedy club on Friday night and was excited about it. “And you,” my friend inquired. “What are you up to?” After an uncomfortable pause I replied, “not much.” I’m going to have to work on that.
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Hi Wendy, I am from India. I recently came across your blog and am thankful to you and others in the group for sharing your thoughts/experiences.I have a four day long weekend coming up in a few days, and I am already dreading it. I simply don’t know what to do. I have no friends to hang out with since they have all moved out of this city owing to career, marriage etc. I have few cousins here but then again they are married and have kids so cannot plan much of an outing with them, they will end up inviting me to their home which is not something I am looking forward to now. Its too late to plan for a trip since all tickets are booked already. I sound so negative I know, but the mere thought of a long weekend off with absolutely nothing to do or nowhere to go is depressing. Any thoughts/suggestions are most welcome from you and the group. I am 30 and unmarried( by my own choice) and while I don’t regret it, holidays like this bring me down.
Hi Kavitha – do you live in India currently? My family is also from India, but we’ve been in the US for over 30 years now. Nice to *meet* you!
I know how you feel, and I dread those long weekends too. Do you like to read? Sometimes, I find that just getting totally engrossed in a book does the trick for me, and I’ll even go to a restaurant and have a meal by myself with my book. Its a special treat on those long weekends when you have time to leisurely enjoy a meal. Another thing I love doing on long weekends is take in a movie by myself. I find I rarely enjoy going to movies with other people anymore anyways, and you don’t talk during the movie so its perfect as a solo activity. Hopefully you’ll find inspiration and enjoy the weekend!
Great suggestions, Lola.
Hi Kavitha,
Your comment inspired me to offer some suggestions that have helped me.
My first idea is to plan out your days, even if you’ll be alone. So say Saturday you’ll go to the grocery store, a movie and then home to cook dinner. I find that if I sort of map out the days in time chunks, it feels more manageable than thinking of it as four whole days with nothing to do. You can even include cleaning your home or other hobbies/projects you do at home.
In general though, I find it helpful to get involved in things where you’re not relying on one or two close friends, but that are group-oriented. I am the organizer of a women’s Meetup group in my city and so a couple of times a month I go to dinner or a local event with a group of other women. I find that being the organizer helps (forces) me to interact with everyone. I highly recommend becoming an organizer of a social women’s group since again, you will talk to everyone!
The other thing I find really helpful is taking continuing education classes and exercise classes at my gym. I find that when I keep showing up to the same exercise classes week after week, I slowly get to know some of the other people there and can have little chats before and after class. I’ve also taken cooking classes and dance classes. And I like to build my evenings and weekends around the classes.
I’ve been doing these things for about three years now and slowly I’ve made friends from these group activities. I think the key is not to expect a best friend instantly…it does take time. But even being in group settings and chatting with people helps to keep me engaged with the world and doing things I enjoy.
I hope that helps! Good luck and keep us all posted.
You’re so right, Dee. Having activities during which you meet people on a regular basis can organically create friendships, or at least good acquaintances.
I’m so glad to hear from you, Kavitha. Thanks for reaching out. Long weekends can be so stressful when you’re single. What helps me get through them is exercise. I’m lucky that my ballet studio is open almost every day of the year, so that’s definitely a part of my routine. Do you have any sort of physical activities that you like to do?
I’ve been so incredibly busy with work (and it won’t let up for a couple of weeks). Wendy, your weekend sounds perfect–no plans and a world of opportunity. Maybe indulge in a little more cooking?
Since writing my post, I’ve invited a 20-year old family friend to dinner on Sunday. Meatballs and spaghetti!! That means food shopping, prepping and cooking. Yay.
This weekend, I am going to some hot springs with some girlfriends. However, had I not suggested it (about a month ago) – it would not be happening and I’d have an empty weekend in front of me. I also find if I just ask people to do things – they usually say yes. (e.g. asking a coworker if they want to take a walk after work). But, I don’t sit around waiting for people to ask ME to do stuff. Otherwise I’d never do anything. I am also an organizer in some meetup groups and that has helped me stay busy meeting people.
What happens in your meetup groups, Alissa?
I organize backpacking trips into the wilderness, hikes, potlucks, and other social events (e.g. going to a movie and then getting drinks/dinner).
Did you hike into the wildnerness this weekend?
I am going to clean all my hardwood floors and do a major cleaning of walls, curtains, etc. Also, plan to do some outside mulching and gardening. Those are the things I do when I have no plans, keep busy. I always like the feeling of a really clean house. Another thing I have done in the past is attend Meetups. Both were successful. One was a painting group meetup, the other was bowling. I had fun and met some new people.
I admire your deep cleaning, Jill. I did not inherit that gene despite a mother who kept an impeccable house.
Hi Lola – Nice to “meet” you too :)Yes, I do enjoy reading and that is something I totally overlooked for the long weekend!! I am a member of a lending library and so I will plan ahead and pick up some books. Thanks for that. I don’t mind going to movies alone, but long weekends get super crowded and find it difficult to get tickets.
Hello Dee- Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree with you on joining classes or being part of a group. I have been thinking for a while but never got forward. One of the reasons is that I am an introvert and I find it overwhelming to be around people and having social interactions. So every time I think of joining some class I give up at the mere thought of it.
Wendy- The only physical activity I indulge in ,is going on walks with my dog daily. How did you get interested in ballet- Was it something you loved as a child or became interested at a later point in life? Just looking for some inspiration on joining classes 🙂
I am glad to hear from all of you. Already it has put me in a positive state of mind and helped me think of a couple of other things I could do – a visit to the beach, visit to the salon for a nice pedicure and possibly a hair cut.
I am also an introvert. So I understand how you feel. One other good thing about exercise classes is you don’t have to talk to anyone during the actual class. So it’s a nice balance overall. You can say hi to people while waiting for the class to start and then be quiet the rest of the time. I strongly recommend it as a place to start.
I attend services at my synagogue, and that’s also very structured. I can socialize as much or as little as I want, and still feel like I’m around people.
So glad to hear you have a dog. What’s he/she like? Daily walks with my dog have gotten me through many a lonely weekend. In my 20’s, I was in a modern dance company, so I’ve always had a passion for it.
It’s interesting to read this post together with the next (the ee cummings quote on being yourself) – sometimes I think we feel worse about not having something ‘to do for fun’ because we feel we have to have the standard society view of fun, or acceptable leisure pastimes. If a friend told me they were going to a comedy club I would not feel uncomfortable but rather think, thank God I don’t have to do anything like that! It’s ok to ‘own’ or create your own idea of what gives you pleasure. I am thankful on weekends (especially long ones) to have more time to get the house and garden in order (I actually enjoy that too, as Jill said) and to spend more time with my dogs. Plus for me an added bonus of having dogs has been making new friends. I never thought they would socialize me so much but they really have.
Robin — So true, and I totally would not have thought to connect the two posts…but it does really ring true for me. I feel the need to come up with something interesting/exciting/entertaining that I’m doing with other people when my co-workers ask me what I’m doing. Especially since because I am single and no kids, they think I have this outgoing social life…and that’s just not true. Answering “nothing, probably just watching Netflix and reading a book” has an air of pathetic-ness about it…even though I don’t find it pathetic at all!
After reading your comments I’m now realizing that not having to make weekend plans is one of the UPSIDES of being single.
I know so many people in my neighborhood because of having a dog. I love that! I agree with Robin. I feel a lot less pressure to do “something” on the weekends than what it appears for most of my coupled friends.
Lola, I totally understand the dilemma and what you (or I) prefer to do might not sound exciting to others. And the expectation when you are single is that you have the freedom to be out and about all the time, as if that’s what everybody really wants to be doing, which isn’t true, obviously.
If you like to watch Netflix and read, that’s perfectly ok: try to own it! (And I speak to myself as well) – try not to sound apologetic about it. You could say, I am watching this really great new series I just discovered on Netflix, or I am reading this interesting book about x.
Recently I’ve read about how women should stop using the word ‘just’ so much – it makes us sound apologetic all the time. I’ve realized how much I use it and am trying to change that.
I read that too, and I’ve become aware of how much I use the word, just.