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Richness of Single Life
At Costco, I stock up on treats for my dog. There are biscuits that Rose particularly likes, and she could easily scarf down a whole one, but I like to tear them into 3 or 4 pieces, and give them to her several times a day. These biscuits are hard to break up, and I have cut my hands in the process. It’s times like that when I wish I had a husband to help. That, and cutting up cardboard boxes to recycle. But most other times, I feel like my life is full, rich and very complex.
Painting by Anna Hoyle
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I had to look at this image several times to make sense of it. Since you like cooking and baking at first I really thought it was a recipe of some kind! (well it is, but not the type I was thinking). Someone really needs to write this book.
My life is not as rich as it could be, in fact I wish it was completely different (not thinking of married vs. single here), but I am at a loss for how to get there, and even knowing where ‘there’ is.
With my coaching hat on, what’s ONE thing you’d like to be different?
It would be hard to choose one thing. I would like to relocate, I would like a completely different type of job – but don’t really know what or where so it’s hard to take any steps. Where I live now is very expensive so I haven’t been able to save much and don’t have the option to just quit for a while, or move without a job lined up.
I have a friend who just up and moved to a beautiful part of northern CA w/o a job, and I am envious. But, her mother bought her a house, which isn’t going to happen for me.
I’ve started blogging about career change on my coaching website. Have you checked it out? You might find them useful, in particular how to jumpstart the process. http://bit.ly/1WyQ13S
Thanks, I did see that but did not take the time to sit down and really think about the questions, though they do look helpful. I will try to do that this weekend. Thanks for the encouragement.
And I hope I didn’t sound whiny in my comment about my friend’s house! She has a lot of challenges facing her in her new environment as well.
It didn’t sound whiny to me. More aspirational.
Robin, I get this. Figuring out the “there” is the hardest part of change and frankly, I’m not sure how to do it. It is especially difficult if you have many ideas or even vague feelings about “there”, but they aren’t necessarily related.
I would say that I have a generally good life, but, like spiffikins, wouldn’t mind adding another layer or two. But how to begin, how to figure it out, can be overwhelming at times. That said, I’m recently back from a trip overseas (with a combination of visiting family, friends, and travel on my own), so I’ve gotten the “let’s make a few changes” bug. Ah, but which changes? There’s the rub.
Here’s what I’ve discovered in my training as a coach and now working with clients – You’ve got to break down an amorphous goal into small, achievablew steps. Choose one to start. What feels like the most important change you want to make right now?
Ah, Wendy, the “most important change” is the obstacle. But I’m still in vacation mode, so I’ll have to revisit that question in another week or so when I’ve reacclimated. I did use my bike for grocery shopping which, while likely not “most important”, WAS one of the small changes I wanted to make (use bike for errands).
Let’s definitely revisit when you’re ready. My point is that you don’t need to come with “the” most important change. Just “one” you’d like to make. That’s the starting place.
Figuring out the ‘there’ – in a way that’s one of the biggest challenges of being single (for me) – no constraints of coordinating with another’s preferences or needs – you can literally choose anything! Or anywhere. It is overwhelming. Plus, often my ideas of what to do, where I’d like to go, would be considered ‘quirky’ by most people’s standards and I get afraid to own them and so don’t pursue them.
Petra, I think travel is great and broadens your horizons, and can give you momentum to pursue other goals. I have two dogs whom I love dearly but who also tie me down. I haven’t traveled much in the past almost 20 years of dog parenting. I would love to go overseas (where did you go, if you don’t mind me asking?) but haven’t figured out a dog care arrangement I am happy with. I keep saying ‘I need to figure that out’ – but I don’t do it. Inertia is a tough rut to get out of. But Wendy’s comment about breaking things down into smaller chunks makes total sense as I am so easily overwhelmed by the big picture.
Having too many choices can be overwhelming. Just as an exercise, what do you think about investigating a few possible arrangements for dog care?
Robin, I went to southern Germany (the Black Forest, as well as Munich), Trieste Italy (visited my best friend from grad school), and Slovenia with said friend (girlfriend trip–three glorious days in Llubljana, as well as some wine tasting in western Slovenia). My family is from the Black Forest, so I reconnected with cousins whom I’d not seen for a long time (in some cases, a couple of decades!) Munich was solo time and I loved it (and I was ready for a little alone time).
I really loved the great use of bicycles as transportation and am determined to do more of that here in the US. And I was also highly impressed with the plethora of bike and walking trails all across the Black Forest. Indeed, I saw many families engaged in cycling vacations (there are some train cars that accommodate the bikes). So a cycling tour will be on the agenda in the future.
As a foodie with a love for the local and regional, I was fortunate to visit some markets. This is already a part of my life, but I believe it needs to be a LARGER part of my life!
What was your best meal?
Wow, Petra, that sounds incredible! I love Germany (also have German heritage) and have been to Slovenia and Trieste (though the latter just passing through). The style of life in those places is so different from the US.
Some places in the US are more bike friendly than others, but it isn’t so much a part of the culture as in many places in Europe. I always wanted to live in Europe, but it never worked out for me and now it just seems too late (though I do have a retirement idea I am mulling over.)
Between hearing about your beautiful trip and talking to my friend who just moved to Fort Bragg CA maybe I will be motivated to try something new too.
And Wendy, I totally agree, I should investigate some dog care options that could free me up–I even know of some names to try. I am so entrenched in my rut that I can’t seem to even do that right now.
What are the names of a few dog care options?
@Wendy: a Leberkase sandwich. Some of the best food I are was also the simplest. Leberkase is a cooked pork pate, sliced. This was warm, perfectly salted and perfectly crispy on the outside, perfectly seasoned. Served on a crusty roll with medium sharp mustard. I ate it in the Viktualienmarkt, a public market,in Munich amid rain and cold temperatures. It was the best Leberkase I have ever eaten in my life.
I lived in Berlin many years ago, and traveled around Germany. I loved the wurst.
@Robin: ask your vet who they’d recommend. That’s how I found a great catsitter.
Or ask the groomer, if you use one.
For me, it’s opening jars.
I’ve been eyeing this jar opener by Kuhn Rikon. http://amzn.to/1VxTZsg
There are things I want to change in my life – mostly I want to add more layers to my self-cake, to use your analogy.
I find myself stuck in a rut, going through the days by habit – which has it’s benefits, to be sure – but I’d like to be more proactive about trying new things and encouraging new interests, more often.
I don’t particularly wish for a husband – but there are chores in my life that it would be nice to only have to do some of, or to at least have someone else to pick them up sometimes. But, if I were really deeply unhappy about doing them, I could prioritize my budget and hire a housecleaner 😀
A housecleaner is a real priority for me. I’m not a big fan of vacuuming and scrubbing toilets. I’m curious about your daily habit. What parts do you like?
about 8 months ago, my friend and I both decided it was time to change our eating habits and lose weight. We’ve been doing pretty well – while I have a ways to go, I’ve been able to mostly keep on plan and am pleased with my progress.
What I’ve seen though, is that having a regular schedule and habits, keeps me on track – weekdays when I get up, pack my breakfast, pack my lunch, go to work, come home and make dinner – are FAR easier to stick with the plan and keep to the new habits.
Days I’m not working, vacation, and days when something in my routine changes – those are all opportunities for me to go off plan.
So I’m finding that while I thoroughly enjoyed my last vacation, in December, the fallout was …hard to recover from, diet wise. I have a short trip coming up, and while I’m looking forward to it, I’m also kind of dreading the shakeup in my habitual routine, if that makes sense.
Long term, I need to figure out how to do new things, while incorporating them into the “norm” – it’s a balancing act.
How great that you’ve set yourself a goal, and you’re achieving it. In that context, it makes perfect sense that your regular schedule and habits keep you on track. I like the idea of incorporating new things into your routine. You sound very determined, and I’m sure you’ll find a way.