filed in Daily Life
Quieting the Inner Critic
I got my teeth cleaned today. My dental hygienist is superb at what she does, but rides her patients pretty hard. Scraping away at the plaque, she admonished me about a few spots that needed more attention. In that moment I must have groaned, and thinking I got hurt, the hygienist asked with alarm, “are you ok?” In fact, I was refecting the pain of being a teeth-cleaning failure.
Illustration by Ella Frances Sanders
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Interesting to think about – it can be hard to know when you are veering off into self-criticism, for me at least, as it is very familiar territory. I wish it wasn’t so easy to fall into-it isn’t pleasant, but it is a feeling I am way too well acquainted with.
As far as the hygienist, I think someone who is a professional at something sees you through that lens and not holistically. She in a sense ‘judges’ you by the context in which she knows you – your dental hygiene. If you think about it, it’s such a small part of who you are, and you do so many things so well. But in the moment it does feel like failure, and I have certainly had those kinds of experiences too.
On the upside, she’s helping me keep my gums healthy.
I hate dentists and anything or anybody connected to them. I fear that if my hygienist criticized me, I would have trouble returning.
I dislike dentists too. But I’m committed to healthy gums, so I put up with the criticsm.
Ahh, the dentist. There’s nothing quite like getting poked and prodded by medieval instruments. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I had a good deep cry after I found out that another one of my high school friends just got engaged. She was a lot like me, bookish, nerdy, and reserved. So I thought that, like me, she would stay single. Now, it’s just a reminder of how far off I am from ever having a life partner. That critical voice inside my head gave me a pretty severe beating and asked why I wasn’t good enough. I’ve been dating a man for 4 months, but I don’t think it’s headed towards matrimony.
So, Leyla, allow me to push back on your inner critic. In what way does being bookish, nerdy and reserved (fantastic qualities, BTW) have any relevance to marital status?
It doesn’t. I only meant that the irrational lizard part of my brain thought that since she was like me, she would have the same fate as mine. Thinking that made me feel less alone.
Yeah, I get it. Thanks for clarifying. It’s hard to tame the lizard part of our brain.