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Trapped in Ever After (not)
Cinderella’s Diary
by Ron Koertge
I miss my stepmother. What a thing to say,
but it’s true. The prince is so boring: four
hours to dress and then the cheering throngs.
Again. The page who holds the door is cute
enough to eat. Where is he once Mr. Charming
kisses my forehead goodnight?
Every morning I gaze out a casement window
at the hunters, dark men with blood on their
boots who joke and mount, their black trousers
straining, rough beards, calloused hands, selfish,
abrupt…
Oh, dear diary—I am lost in ever after:
those insufferable birds, someone in every
room with a lute, the queen calling me to look
at another painting of her son, this time
holding the transparent slipper I wish
I’d never seen.
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This is an accurate picture of every relationship I’ve ever been in, including my current one!
I love this poem.
I quite like this poem. It perfectly illustrates how marriage or partnership can be a trap that keeps you from discovering your world (and, by extension, yourself). I can see some of my mother in the narrator.
Women (yes, women!), think long and hard before you commit to a lifelong partnership. If your avenues and possibilities will diminish or close, JUST SAY NO. Just because marriage is the societal default, it doesn’t mean that you have to give in and shrink your life. Safety and security aren’t reasons to give up on yourself.
If, on the other hand, a marriage or partnership will enhance your life or complement you, enter into it with abandon!
Despite being a lifelong singleton (never ever married), I am not anti-marriage. Indeed, at over 50, I’m now in the best relationship of my life, so clearly I have no anti-coupling agenda. I don’t rule out marriage, although it isn’t a goal of mine. That said, think hard and make sure your life with someone isn’t going to be a constricted one.
Thanks for such a balanced point of view, Petra. What do you think makes your current relationship the best in your life? And why now?
Well, I’m different now. I had been in a 10-year on-and-off relationship before this and with time (after the breakup, which was difficult for me), I can’t believe I settled for someone that emotionally constricted (not going to go into detail here, though–public forum, so I don’t know who’s listening and frankly, it’s not my plan to shame him here).
Also, there is some distance between us (2 hour drive), so we take our time together very seriously and make the most of it. I’ve learned a lot from him (he’s gotten me cycling, for example); he’s learned a lot from me as well. He’s super-smart, like every guy I’ve ever had a relationship with, but he’s unpretentious about it. And I am having FUN. Ultimately, though, I think *I* have changed and become more secure.
Also, he’s cute 😉
That is a ringing endorsement. I’m so happy for you, Petra.