filed in Daily Life
Calculating Worry
I have a thought experiment. Let’s pretend I could wave a magic wand and eliminate from your life the one thing you worry about the most – maybe it’s financial insecurity, illness, career or relationship stress. For the purpose of this experiment, take a moment and pick one. Now try to imagine (and closing your eyes might help), what impact would it have on your day to no longer be gripped by your biggest fear. And here’s my sincere question – would eliminating the worry free you up or just get transferred to something else? I’d love to know what you think?
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It would be a relief but I would probably eventually transfer worry to something else. I am currently working with someone on this and basically reframing my thoughts and creating new ones to feel more at ease. It’s hard work but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and believing that I don’t have to feel so anxious and fearful (work is my main one).
Reframing is such a good tool. Also, what I use sometimes (even today) when I’m worrying about something in the future is that everything is ok right now.
I am a worrier big time. Probably the most helpful thing I’ve learned from the work I’m doing is that worrying now won’t prevent something from happening or make it feel less worse if and when it happens. And slowly I’m able to actually reduce the amount of worry by repeating this to myself. Don’t ruin today by worrying about something that hasn’t happened and may not happen.
And we can’t imagine what resources we’ll be able to summon if/when the thing we worry about actually happens. One of my favorite phrases, “don’t worry twice.”
I would feel relieved–for a while. Then I might find something new to worry about. That said, morning pages really help with my worry habit (and it is a habit). The daily pages haven’t eliminated the worry and nervousness, but they have mitigated it. In fact, sometimes I wake up all anxious and agitated, yet I’m calm by page 3!
For minor worries, I am trying to learn to say “it doesn’t matter” or “and I am fine” after the thoughts. I’ll let you know how that goes!
And when you say, “it doesn’t matter,” do you believe that?
Well, it’s only week 2 and I usually forget about it, but when I do remember, I do believe it. Only for small worries (e.g. I screwed up in class).
In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff.