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Who Gets Our Stuff?
A few years ago, I hired an attorney to draw up a will. Without the predicable next of kin, it was a provocative exercise. I had to really mull over who I considered my heirs. Was it a blood relative, close friend, charitable organization, my dog? For 6 months, I kept a running tally on a notepad, changing percentages at whim. I felt like a Queen. (Not nice enough to me one day, boom, you’re out.) What are the logistics of legacy when you’re single? The day my mother died, I put her wedding band on my right hand, and it has been there ever since. Who is our next generation, to wear our jewelry, and keep the flame?
Image: Diary by Alessandro Gottardo
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At 61 and single, I face the same dilemma, altho I hadn’t thought about it until I read this posting. I have tons of “cool stuff” accumulated from years of nice salary and no kids, tons of expensive hobbies/interests that have left a trail of Nikons, fountain pens and other ephemera all across my domestic landscape… I know everyone will want the wine cellar, but the others toys…?
Loved the WaPo piece and photos. If you are still in the hunt, I wish you bon chance!
Thanks, Mary! Figuring that out was really interesting. I urge you to do it, when there’s no pressure. And it’s a mess when people don’t leave a will. Stuff can get into hands you never imagined.
Thank you for putting this out tgere. I’m kinda faced with the same thing. Diagnosed at 43 with Breast Cancer and tThank the good Lord I’m still here. On the 7th of January at 11am I was hit by a drunk driver, she left the scene and I can tell you this. It was a such a tramatic experience, I will never be the same. Thank the Lord my daughter was with me. Going through BC and now this it’s time to get what little I have left in order. Before BC I was doing great financially but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.Every day I have is a blessing. Thank you for listing and God Bless you all. Dorothy
Another visitor from the Washington Post article. I ponder this question, too. I’ve got some cool stuff that belonged to my grandmother and great grandmother. In addition to being single and childless, I only have 1 niece, whose taste definitely doesn’t run old! I guess stuff winds up for sale in antique stores for a reason. The pets are a huge concern, though. Everyone I know already has plenty of pets.
Someone told me they built into their Will a portion of their funds to make sure their pets were taken care of. As far as belongings, it’s good to be honest about what really warrants passing on to the next generation.
In many regards, I feel lucky that I’m about to have a niece, and I hope that my family allows me to be the influence on her that I want to be. I have all my family’s antique furniture because I’m the only one who cared about it. A few insurance riders later (AFTER they found out what it was worth, they were begging for a piece of it), I hope I can teach my niece the (non-monetary…notice I didn’t sell it) value of these family heirlooms, as well as the family jewelry that my older family members specifically willed to me because they knew I would care for it (I have 2 wedding sets as well as a number of other beautiful, antique pieces…I invested in a secure safe to keep these things when I’m not wearing them).
Once she is born in a few months, I probably need to get to drawing up a will, with a reliable trustee. All of my stuff/money has durable beneficiaries, and I have a durable power of attorney, but the furniture and jewelry needs a good home, and I know my family would hawk it given their lack of concern about it at the time it transfered and greed for it once they found out its value.
The only advice I have to offer for singles/childless couples is to get a lawyer. People contest stuff all the time, so it’s best to let a professional make sure everything is legally impenetrable. Many months after my dad died, I found out that I should have engaged a lawyer, because my brother basically stole $50K from me, even though we were going through probate and everything should have been an equal split that should have been approved by a magistrate (he was good friends with the lawyer, and they managed to pull a shell game). I don’t care that much, but the concept that my family would steal from me, under the premise, as I was told by a friend, that I was “doing fine on my own” boils my blood. My dad paid for my brother to go to school because, unlike me, he didn’t qualify for scholarships…the fact that he STILL felt that he was owed more than me makes me so incredibly angry. I will not let that happen to my heirs…
As the only child of an only child, I expect my estate will be a mess for someone to deal with. So, I’m keeping my will simple. The land goes into conservation and after certain specific bequests, the rest is to be sold off and split evenly between two local charities. That last decision was the big one, and it was easier to make than I thought. I have spent much of my life involved with civic organizations and environmental causes. It was simply a matter of realizing that they were as much family to me as my kin, and they certainly deserve the money.
It was fascinating to think about the charitable organizations that most mattered to me. I’m very proud to have Planned Parenthood in my will.
It is interesting that I did the same thing when my mother died, I took her wedding ring, with the diamond and have worn it on my right hand ever since. I have an ex so he takes all if I die, we still get along even though we have moved forward. I do have doubts though about ever finding the one again (I am not sure that he existed or exists) and so I am learning to be a happy single and take the happiness from whatever direction it comes. 🙂
Your Ex still gets it all? Wow. You must get along. It sounds like you’ve adjusted well to your new life.
Hi Wendy – just catching up on several months of your posts. This will and “the stuff” used to really bother me. A couple of years ago, I realized my brother and his wife would probably sell all the family heirloom china and jewelry in a garage sale because it wasn’t to her taste and they wouldn’t want to deal with it. That is when I decided to leave most of the “stuff” to my friends. My brother and the nephews will get all the cash and real property, as well as some very specific family jewelry. But, all the jewelry I’ve collected, all the antique china, crystal, and furniture will go to specific friends I know will treasure it. Anything left will be sold to benefit the various charities I support. After watching the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, I made the time to do a complete household inventory with pictures, notes on how I obtained it, its current value, and who should receive it when I’m gone. I know it is just “stuff”, but I’d like someone to enjoy it and the memories that go along with it just as I have.
Cheers!
Welcome back winegoddesstx! I’ve missed your comments. You sound incredibly prepared as to allocating your stuff. It’s important. I applaud you!
My nephew and my sister will get the “stuff” such as it is. I’ve also preplanned my funeral. I will be cremated with a memorial service. Making a will is great, but the greatest thing to do is alleviate the stress for your family by prearranging the whole show!
Also really important is figuring out your health directives, and giving the most trusted ones in your circle the power to pull the plug.
This is something I have thought about often. I even asked my father. Who gets my antiques when I die? I couldn’t stand the thoughts of them getting thrown out, or just anyone getting them. He actually gave me a wonderful idea. Give them to a local museum. I already know where the are going – the place where my great grandmother lived and the place it should be, in her home town of Greeneville, TN.
It’s great you’re thinking about this, Angela, and it sounds like you have a good plan.
I’m a couple years late to this conversation, but just came across this blog. At nearly 47 — single, never married — I find myself “downsizing,” lately. Yes, already! In helping my mother with her Will and getting her affairs in order, so to speak, I became motivated to do the same for myself…and have resolved to focus my energies more on accumulating wisdom and experiences going forward, than material things. That said, I have some precious and beautiful artifacts from my family and my own travels that I hope to enjoy for a long time to come…even as I’m already thinking about who-gets-what, and pledging that my “stuff” accumulation more or less ends here. Putting it in writing here is is validating, and freeing. Thanks, Wendy!
Welcome, Sabine. It’s great to hear your story. I found it empowering to ponder who I would choose to hold a piece of my legacy. I highly recommend it.