filed in Sex and Dating
Does Match.com Really Think This Man is Right For Me?
Today, I got an email alert with 9 potential matches. This is from one of the profiles:
Why? by Lee Jung
CONTEST deadline tomorrow!
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28 comments for “Does Match.com Really Think This Man is Right For Me?”
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eHarmony once matched me with a “carefully chosen” match who, under “favourite book”, wrote “I dont really lik to read much”.
Another profile chosen for me: “likes to reed novels.”
I once actually paid money and hired a professional matchmaker with a supposedly “stellar” reputation in my city. I am a left-leaning, atheist, very liberal journalist and a fitness enthusiast with three animals. She hooked me up first with a fat Obama-hating Republican who smoked and didn’t like animals. Then she sent me on a date with a church-going, small-town cop who believed the war on drugs needed to be stepped up and wanted me to travel to where he was, 80 miles a way, for a coffee. I don’t have a car. He did.
I was so freaking mad, because I was PAYING for this lunacy. She got all pissy and tried to suggest to me she was setting me up with people who didn’t seem to be great matches so that I would appreciate the better matches that were to come in the future and that she knew what she was doing. I said thanks, Mom, but I am not paying money to be manipulated and I suspect, in fact, that your inventory of men sucks balls.
I threw a huge fit and finally got my money back.
A week later I met the man I am still with. We’re very happy three years later and moving in together this summer. So go figure.
A very sweet, happy ending, Trixie.
Very cool Trixie. It is amazing how many on the websites do not even proof-read what they type, assuming they have that ability. I am wary of all of them when under religion they put “Christian”. Being a liberal progressive, I may be biased by that label.
I have “Democrats only, please” on my profile. But apparently many men who visit Match apparently don’t bother reading, uh, I mean reeding.
I’m a left-leaning spiritual person whose belief system is closer to Unitarianism than anything else (although I don’t belong to the Unitarian church), so evangelical Christians are not good choices for me in relationships.
I don’t care what a man’s politics are so much as I care about how the expression of his politics comes out – some of my best relationships have been with conservative Republicans who don’t spew hatred of people who are different from them, and who don’t mind my peace sign tattoo, and who like a woman who can explain why she believes what she does.
Intelligence is extremely high on my list of requirements, too, because I like to discuss politics, philosophy, science and history, and men who can’t have those conversations with me tend to bore me very quickly.
Living in the Bible Belt, all of this tends to limit my dating choices.
I do include all of these preferences in my profile write-ups, and yet, I still get contacted ALL THE TIME by high-school educated Baptists who are truck drivers, mechanics or factory workers.
@Trixie – Your story is exactly the reason why I refuse to pay for a dating website. Congratulations on your happy, non-paid-for-with-cold-hard-cash result! 🙂
I think there is a universal belief that a single woman, particularly past a “certain age,” should take what is out there and be grateful. Individuals, websites, whomever, all of whom should no better.
When I was an ER nurse, we routinely had dirty, seriously mentally ill drunks out on the street who got dropped at our door for a warm stretcher for the night. It was hard to be empathetic because most of them were just mean.
INVARIABLY, every SINGLE night, someone would gesture toward one and say, “Hey, Noelle, I’ll be he’s single. How about him?”
No understood why I found that incredibly offensive.
As an aside, four days on a dating website has reminded me why it really is better to be single.
I’ve signed up for 3 months. I’m going to try and have stamina this time.
Um, “know” better. I just deleted a guy who misspelled “friend” in his username. Oy.
You are so correct Noelle. But, by the same token, there are some women who are so DESPERATE to have a man they will find a man in any mental/emotional/financial/domicile/etc. state just to say they have a man.
EHarmony once tried to fix me, a dedicated urbanite, with a man whose profile talked about the farm he lived on and how he would never live anywhere else but in the country.
I got a wink from someone today in Texas. I’m in California. What is up with that?
Michele, you’re (your? LOL) absolutely right! Also as a nurse, I discovered that no matter how drunk, drug addicted, abusive, psychotic, weird, creepy, or just plain mean a guy was, every last of them had a woman. Usually trying to placate them. Or feeding them despite the guy’s two functional hands. (One kid had both his girlfriend and ex-girlfriend feeding him, after surgery on his, um, foot. (!) I often wanted to grab these women by the scruff of the neck and ask, “What are you DOING with that loser?”
But, I got in enough trouble as a nurse as it was.
Wendy, I admire your stamina. I really think I’m not going to last a week. The latest was the guy who wrote, “So, you’re a singer!” No, I play guitar. Guess he couldn’t reed, either. This guy also mentioned his dog in every section of his profile.
I’m soooooooooooooooooo tired.
EHarmony matched me with an ex-boyfriend. I gingerly followed up with him and was told that not only was he no longer a member, he was ENGAGED to the woman we broke up over! Imagine my humiliation. All the sites recycle members when they leave, which explains why you never hear from guys you bother to message. You have a half-life on Match, Wendy, and you can’t even make the most of it. They should pay YOU the monthly fee.
That is the craziest online dating story, Mary. I can’t believe they set you up with your engaged ex.
BTW, I LOVE this photograph. It makes me shiver. Beautiful. Thanks!
Online dating…don’t miss it at all. I’ve tried free sites like Plenty of Fish and OKCupid, and paid sites like Match, but nothing came out of it.
I had guys old enough to be my dad messaging me, guys who typed in text speak when I clearly said I wanted someone literate, guys using headless photos of themselves in S&M gear, and one who used a photo of a woman as his profile photo.
And let’s not forget the shirtless cell phone shots in the bathroom…gross.
I just got an “I’m interested” from someone today who has a shirtless photo of himself on his profile. (It’s at a spa.) What’s up with that?
I think that the guys who post topless shots of themselves are in some desperate need of validation of their physical fitness and attractiveness, but they don’t realize that those photos tend to have the opposite effect.
Topless shots are pretty much a deal breaker for me.
All of these comments made me laugh today..not at you but with you. Thanks ladies, I really needed that today in particular.
I have a good one. I planned to sign onto EHarmony several years ago with a good friend of mine. We decided to spend Friday night with some wine, thoughtfully completing our profiles. When I got to the end, I received a message that said “We at EHarmony pride ourselves on being able to match up our members. Based on your profile and our members, you don’t seem matchable at this point. Good luck in your search.” True story. A gazillion people, and I’m not matchable. Awesome. My friend by the way…met a man on EHarm, got married, and is expected her first son in about a month. Such is life.
Lola, I’d frame that message from EHarmony.
I lasted five days and deleted my profile from OkCupid. I just couldn’t stand the whole idea.
Noelle, I really dislike it, too. But I still think it makes sense as a way to widen one’s social circle, once you’ve exhausted all your friends and your friends’ friends.
Noelle, you may have dodged a bullet with that one. I saw a Huffington Post article yesterday about a new Tumblr that was recently started called “Nice Guys of OKCupid,” which takes screenshots of the most misogynistic and issue-laden men. These men are whining about being “friend-zoned,” are convinced that all women want “douchebags,” and wonder why women won’t give “nice guys” like them a chance. The posts I’d seen were really creepy and disturbing.
Wendy, You’re right. It’s just a reflection of own lack of patience in general and unwillingness to suffer fools gladly. I know what the price of that is. I’m sure 10-20 years with a therapist would clear that right up. 🙂
Just popping in to say hello – I’m so glad to ‘meat’ you all!! Thank Gawd I’m not alone with all this … am so weary of dealing with it all.
Happy Holidays … ugh.
Great to hear from you, Susanna. Hope you have some fun over the holidays.