filed in Daily Life
Are You Pet Obsessed?
On the plane ride home from D.C. last month, there was an attractive married couple in front of me with a 9-week-old puppy stowed underneath the seat. Mid flight, the woman took the puppy out of its crate (illegally), and cradled him in a blanket in her arms. It was an adorable scene. The wife told me that she hoped her young daughter wouldn’t get jealous of the dog, which she was bringing back to Malibu for the first time. These people were smitten with their new Saint Bernard puppy, who will be 130 pounds when fully grown. Sometimes I wonder if I’m so in love with my dog because I’m single. But here were wedded people with children, who had a serious canine crush of their own.
Illustration by Marc Johns
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Aw, what a sight to see, and what an exciting time for them. So much joy!
Wendy, the topic of bonds with our beloved dogs really strikes a nerve with me today. I’m not sure that the strength of the bond is related to being single, even though you might have more time to devote to that relationship than some other folks. Is it also related to how much you value the bond and how much you appreciate its strength and differences from other types of bonds?
On Thursday, my beloved dog died suddenly of bloat, and I’ve been weepy since. On Saturday night, I dragged myself to a get-together of female friends; a few close, a few acquaintances. After I arrived, a couple close friends discreetly asked if I was OK (my eyes were quite puffy), and I cried briefly; I tried to be discreet with a quick explanation to them and make myself busy in the kitchen for a few minutes until I composed myself. Then I quickly rejoined the evening and was an active participant/listener in the festivities and a long discussion about kids and school systems, none of which I can relate to, but I certainly tried. I thought I did a good job
of recovering and participating, and didn’t mention my news at all.
During some of the hustle and bustle, several people asked my close friend why I was upset, so she told them. Apparently either my concealed grief made them uncomfortable, or they really don’t relate to any kind of loss, because there were some unkind remarks made out of my earshot, similar to “She’s so upset over a dog?”. Although I expected nothing from these people, I was still surprised to hear about the remarks – is a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” such a stretch, even if you don’t really know me or you can’t relate?
I think I’m just disappointed with the lack of maturity and empathy, especially from a group of women at a mutual friend’s get-together.
So I don’t think you’re so in love with your dog because you’re single. I believe there can be such a profound bond there, especially when you make the effort to understand how that animal communicates with you. It opens up a whole new world (have you read any books by Dr. Patricia McConnell? See her blog, too) and we the better for it.
Hi Kathy, I don’t know you but I’m sorry for your loss. I think you have every right to be as upset as you are. I mean, this animal is in your life EVERY DAY. Which, at least for me, is more than I can say for any human. I don’t have a dog, but I love my cat to pieces and I honestly will be a total wreck when I lose him. So sorry, hang in there!
Cats are the sweetest. I try never to take my dog for granted. She’s on my gratitude list almost every night.
Kathy, my condolences. I didn’t want to put this on any of the Valentine’s Day posts, but on your post I will. On V-Day morning and evening I spent some time in an animal hospital with a female friend’s cat (I’m a friend of the cat). That evening, I accompanied both as the cat was euthanized (had to be done, but a BAAAAD Valentine’s Day).
It’s good that you were able to be there for your friend at the animal hospital, Richard. I’m sure she appreciated that.
I had to put my cat, Spirit, to sleep on Valentine’s Day 2011, so I can relate.
Kathy, I’m so, so sorry. And also that your friends weren’t able to soothe you. I’m glad you shared this with us.
I am pet-obsessed. I’m just going to own it.
I’ve always liked animals a lot, but my own life has improved immeasurably since being adopted by a small, talkative grey cat. Shortly after the cat arrived, I moved to a new home, a place with horses in the backyard and regular sightings of deer, coyotes, herons and hawks in the fields around the house.
My father, who is a wonderful man, is not really an animal person (although he’s come around thanks to the efforts of a series of long-suffering family labradors). He is REALLY not a horse person. One of the horses in my life (let’s call him Speedy) had an injury last year, and it was touch and go for a while with a delicate recuperation period. And my dear father would call and say, “how’s your friend Speedy?” I loved this. He doesn’t really understand the importance of the horses in my life, but he totally understands the importance of friends, and slotting a horse in that category works for him. And he’s right. Speedy is a good friend: a lot of company, a ton of fun, and a first-class listener.
Kathy, I am so very sorry for your loss.
I love the story about your father, Kathy. He sounds like a gracious man.
Thanks for the kind words and shared stories, folks. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. And hugs to you and your pets. Richard, I’m sorry for your friend’s loss as well – what a lovely, kind thing to do for your friend and her dear cat.
I was an emotional wreck when I had to put Spirit to sleep two years ago. My sister had her first; she rescued Spirit off the street shortly after our mother passed away. My sister always said Spirit was an angel sent to watch over us. Spirit was my sister’s cat until 2009 when my sister asked for me to take ownership of Spirit for her boyfriend was severely allergic to cats. She trusted me with the care of that little black cat with the splash of white on her chest and I happily took on the responsibility. Not long after I got Spirit, she passed a clot through her heart and nearly died. I spared no expense to have her recover. I knew she had “pre-existing” conditions, but that did not disuade me from taking care of her. We moved from Maryland to Virginia in the fall of 2009.
Spirit did recover, but I knew her days were numbered. She had developed a heart murmur and slowly but surely her heart weakened until one Sunday morning her heart began to fail her. I took her to the emergency vet to have him monitor her overnight. Valentine’s Day morning I picked her up and her prognosis was not good. I knew it was time to say goodbye to Spirit. That afternoon I spent my last moments with her and asked her forgiveness for any transgression I made against her. That little cat looked at me and meowed as if to say it was OK. I was there when she crossed Rainbow Bridge. I stayed home the following day from work to mourn and cry. Spirit meant the world to me, but I couldn’t live in a quiet house. Two weeks later I adopted Sasha and Shadow and like Spirit, I love them VERY much. We’ve bonded and they bring much joy–especially after a tough day at work.
Some people will never understand what it’s like to love animals with all your heart and soul. Their unconditional love is awesome and they are the best stress relievers. Hugs to all and their pets!
I’ve read that oxytocin (aka the “love hormone) gets released when you hug a pet. I believe it.
Me too!