filed in Daily Life
Filling in the Blanks
A few days ago, I was browsing Covered California, which is the name of the Affordable Care Act’s insurance exchange in my state. In order to get information, you have to fill out a form. I paused when I got to the dropdown menu for marital status, not being sure whether to select “single” or “never married.” And for a moment, it kind of stung me that there was even that choice.
Illustration by Franco Matticchio
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19 comments for “Filling in the Blanks”
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Well, that there are now (un)marital status choices is a new one to me!
What next? Check one:
Single
Never married
Divorced
Married
Gay married
Happily married
Married but regretting choice
Married, with affair
Married, wishing for affair
Staying married for the sake of kids
Married due to social convention
Married for health insurance
Married to job
Widowed
Happily widowed
Married to my Staub enameled cast iron cookware–at last, a category for me!
Maybe I should consider a new career as a forms writer.
Petra, that’s a great list. Would you consider adding “Shacked up, happily, consensually, indefinitely”(I know a few of those folks)? “Common law” just sounds dull.
Nodding my head to your “Staub” option.
I knew I’d forget some categories, so thanks for bringing them up. Nice to know there’s another “Staub Spouse” here!
Love the list! FYI, I went back to the form and changed my status from never married to single.
I asked myself what I would select (better do that now, since it looks like there’s a good possibility that I’ll have to make that choice on some future form). I’d pick “single” over “never married”, too.
It’s not like they’re asking people to select whether they’ve been married twice, married 3 times, etc. What’s relevant is your status at the time of filling out the application. Grrr…
Awesome Petra! Too funny! But indeed sad when they put a choice of “never married” on a form.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I’m going to have to give them that feedback.
Petra, such inspiration! Love it.
I prefer single. For me, it at least implies a modicum of choice.
Yes. And it’s not negative. (“never” married.)
A recent interest in deepening my spiritual experience led me to consider joining the Catholic church (long story….) But, being the bureaucratic entity that it is, there were a lot of forms to fill out for membership.I remember being struck by the fact that you could choose to categorize yourself as married, divorced, annulled, or separated… single was not even a possibility.
I applaud (and encourage) your instinct for a spiritual experience. I belong to a wonderful synagogue, and it has deepened my spiritual life and given me a great community. But it’s a very modern and egalitarian place. Your story about the Church forms is mind-blowing. My advice, for what it’s worth… Keep searching.
Petra – Love the list!
Jules – When I read Wendy’s comment,my FIRST thought was that I would most definitely pick “single” too, although I couldn’t express why. Your wording nailed it!
Re: “single.” I think of that episode of Grey’s Anatomy when Dr. Sloan has told the hospital staff that McDreamy is no longer seeing Meredith and he’s “lookin'” so all the women in ER are checking him out. McDreamy says “But I’m not looking for anyone” and Sloan says “It’s ‘lookin’ with no ‘g.’ It sounds dirtier that way.”
“Never married” sounds like you let your sex appeal dry up on the window sill. “Single” says you aren’t seeing anyone but you still wear sexy underwear. Go for single!
Apparently I never had any sex appeal, because nobody would even touch me. How, then, should I be stigmatized…er…labeled?
My own thought on the “single/never married” choices: You’ve doubtless heard or read studies that show married people somehow live longer/are healthier/etc. I have to wonder if us singles are seen as a “high risk” group and are penalized with higher premiums? That would be another nice slap in the face by society.
I hate those studies. I’m determined to defy those studies. I’m one of the healthiest people I know, single or married. Revenge is sweet.
That’s great, Latarsha! Thanks.
I’m just happy (almost) that my process of finding affordable health care via NY State of Health is (almost) coming to fruition. Tomorrow I’m meeting with a “navigator” who I believe will help me pick a plan and sign up. I had so much trouble getting registered I don’t even remember what the married/single question was. But, after many futile attempts, I did get registered. Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll be signed up.
That’s great, Lew. Let us know. I know there’ve been glitches, but big picture, it’s still amazing.