filed in Daily Life
What Do You Miss?
A friend of mine used to be a dentist and remembers smoking a cigarette while working on his patients. He’d keep it stowed in a nearby ashtray and take puffs in between drilling. In California, where water has become a luxury, I miss being able to keep the faucet running while brushing my teeth. And I’m starting to feel a nostalgia for plastic bags.
Illustration by Ryan Heshka
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Interesting question. When I think back about “past luxuries”, I wonder how many of them were actually beneficial to me, the environment, etc…pre-divorce, my salon haircut/color every 2 months was certainly my biggest indulgence. I no longer do this but as much as I miss it, it probably wasn’t the best thing for me.
That makes me think about how my mother used to go the beauty “parlor” once a week. She was part of a generation of middle-class women that never washed their hair at home. This was a financial priority and somehow they made it work.
The answer that jumped to my mind was not a thing, but I do think back on it with nostalgia as a luxury. Also, perhaps it is particularly apropos on this single persons’ blog. One of the things I miss most is easy, spontaneous camaraderie. In my student days, I could almost always pick up the phone at a moment’s notice and find some friend to hang out with. I remember being a graduate student, and sometimes after a long day’s work in the lab I would feel an urge to get away from it all and escape into the comfort and easy laughter of a friend’s company. So I would call a friend and say, “let’s go grab some lasagna in Stadium Village and see whatever is playing at the U Film Society.” Or “hey, you wanna pick me up and go to Riverplace to get mall food and hit the bookstore?” And it was usually easy to find a friend who was free to go and hang out with no advanced notice. Once full adulthood arrived, that went away. Most of my friends are married and have families now. And quite understandably they have responsibilities that prevent them from gallivanting off at a moment’s notice. Now when I want to see my friends, plans usually need to be made at least a week in advance. I sure do miss the luxury of being able to find a friend to hang out with when the mood struck at the drop of a hat. I suppose if I cultivated a large circle of single friends it might be easier, but I think that is easier said than done. Friendships are organic things and one does not just make friends on command, like making an omelet.
I’d be curious to hear what other people think. Is easy availability of companionship with friends a particular characteristic of the student/young adult stage of our lives which is necessarily lost as we move on to full adulthood? As a single person, do you find it as easy to find good friends you can spend time with as when you were young?
When I moved to L.A. 12 years ago, it was really hard to make new friends. It took me awhile to realize that everyone I was meeting had their lives pretty well carved out, with work, spouses, family, etc. They didn’t have time or bandwidth for someone new. Eventually, I found my way, but it took awhile. It’s so different when you’re young and in school. Life is so much more fluid.